Monogamy, to be or not to be, a woman's role within
Hello boys, you may like this discussion. I have always wondered why it is the woman who mainly screams "he cheated on me" and expects sympathy, we are not beyond our own little dalliances.
Human beings have never been nor will ever be MONOGAMAS, it is an denial of species, since man first walked upon this Earth unknowingly we have indulged in species selection, "gene selection", the male looking for the traits of strength, ease of of birth, maternal instinct and more, the female looking for a good provider, strength in her protector for her and her children and yes more.
Monogomy came about as another control mechanism by the roman christian church to control women and degrade their place within society, prior to this families were based upon the ability of the male to protect and keep the family together, if he failed in this the result was not entirely different to what we see today in nature, survival of the fittest and the forfeit of goods and chattels by the loser, and yes women were chattels.
There were many changes as humanity advanced but the fact that women were treated as chattels remained until quite resent history and in some places still does.
Today we have advanced and consider ourselves an enlightened society yet still we refuse to except our self for what we are and are not and as a species we are not monogamous, polyamorous I believe would work better.
Polyamorous now there's a word, the knowledge of both partners sexual involvement with others and done consensually, done with knowledge that having brought children into the world together a responsibility exists with both and in this world today the sexual health of partners.
A friend of mine reminded me recently that she looked for the ALFA male type in males she showed an interest in, this to me demonstrates that for all our advances the older methods of partner selection still remain, only changed now are how we define, i.e "big penis, muscles, hairy chest and money", attraction yes permanent attraction I think not, the female selection criteria has changed also but still with the old standards still in mind, "big breasts, thin, shapely figure" again all denoting a child baring ability and a nurturing ability.
Monogamy is flawed, in mammals in nature although it exists it is indeed rare and expecting human beings to behave against there nature is a recipe for heartbreak, as witnessed by the ever increasing breakdown of the monogamous relationship, "Marriage".
We are better than just another mammal and for that reason we should recognize a failure and try to find a better way and make the happiness of all a priority rather than continue the heartbreak and sorrow monogamy is causing when it breaks down.
To all BLESSED BE
Human beings have never been nor will ever be MONOGAMAS, it is an denial of species, since man first walked upon this Earth unknowingly we have indulged in species selection, "gene selection", the male looking for the traits of strength, ease of of birth, maternal instinct and more, the female looking for a good provider, strength in her protector for her and her children and yes more.
Monogomy came about as another control mechanism by the roman christian church to control women and degrade their place within society, prior to this families were based upon the ability of the male to protect and keep the family together, if he failed in this the result was not entirely different to what we see today in nature, survival of the fittest and the forfeit of goods and chattels by the loser, and yes women were chattels.
There were many changes as humanity advanced but the fact that women were treated as chattels remained until quite resent history and in some places still does.
Today we have advanced and consider ourselves an enlightened society yet still we refuse to except our self for what we are and are not and as a species we are not monogamous, polyamorous I believe would work better.
Polyamorous now there's a word, the knowledge of both partners sexual involvement with others and done consensually, done with knowledge that having brought children into the world together a responsibility exists with both and in this world today the sexual health of partners.
A friend of mine reminded me recently that she looked for the ALFA male type in males she showed an interest in, this to me demonstrates that for all our advances the older methods of partner selection still remain, only changed now are how we define, i.e "big penis, muscles, hairy chest and money", attraction yes permanent attraction I think not, the female selection criteria has changed also but still with the old standards still in mind, "big breasts, thin, shapely figure" again all denoting a child baring ability and a nurturing ability.
Monogamy is flawed, in mammals in nature although it exists it is indeed rare and expecting human beings to behave against there nature is a recipe for heartbreak, as witnessed by the ever increasing breakdown of the monogamous relationship, "Marriage".
We are better than just another mammal and for that reason we should recognize a failure and try to find a better way and make the happiness of all a priority rather than continue the heartbreak and sorrow monogamy is causing when it breaks down.
To all BLESSED BE
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Amy on -
When the extramarital "fun" is going on without the consent of both partners, it is cheating. Male or female partner. My husband did cheat on me. We had others in our bed for time to time, but it was mutual consent. When he began playing behind my back, it was cheating. I would never, nor have I ever, done that to anyone.
As for the monogamy and polygamy debate, that's for each individual, or couple, to decide for themselves. I don't believe it has anything to do with society or repression. Just personal preference.
As for the heartbreak and sorrow. As others have pointed out, we as humans are selfish. There would definitely still be jealousy, heartache, sorrow, and revenge. If a man lost his "goods", he's going to be pissed. He will not just walk away hohum, oh well, I lost out. He (if he survives) will be plotting how to get it back. Or take that which belongs to another.
But this is just my opinion.
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Permalink Reply by Sekhmet on -
I disagree. i feel truly monogamous. i think some humans prefer monogamy while others don't. just like some humans are straight, some are gay some are bi... it's all preference.
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Permalink Reply by Angji on -
I think what is right for one person is not right for another. I use to be Polyamourous and now Iam monogamous and in ah appy relationship. Its all about self control. The honoring the commintments you made. I tihnk if your poly and thats makes you happy then okay if your mono and thats makes you happy there you go and if you like being single then there you go....
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Permalink Reply by Tigara on -
"We are better than just another mammal"
I really disagree with this statement. REALLY disagree. But then again I have never been a part of any path that thought humans were above other lifeforms. (ie salvationist paths like Christians, Jews, Hindi, Buddishts)
I am no better then any other animal. There are animals who mate for life, species who do, and species that dont.
while I agree with much of your point, I feel it is wrong to perpetuate the idea that we are better then, this idea IMO is why the desecreation of the Gaia is rampant. My dna is ancient, and my ancestors knew that all life forms are Brothers and Sisters, and while I may be different, I am no better.
Tribes of the world all practiced what worked in thier region for thousanads of years., some regions had open relationships others monogamous. If some one is looking for a way to justify doing what they want, I must ask, why the need to justify at all?
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Permalink Reply by Lea on -
You are correct, I believe it to be simply a choice. Some make it and are not capable of actually doing it, some make it and lie about it, women and men, it isn't just men.
When we married it is a choice we made and have stood by, life out there is just too complicated these days for oldies like us to even contemplate straying. We are safe, happy and satisfied at home, both of us has thought about it but the agreement we have is honesty. If you're thinking about straying and you still love me, tell me, give me the chance to talk you out of it with reasons and vice versa. It has worked for us along with creative abilities between us.
It isn't for everyone that is most certain. but it is for some. I suppose you could call my husband and myself by examples you used. I was thin and all those things, he was the alph male quarterback leader with ambition. However, we've aged and yet still in each other, we still see those two we once were. I was the willowy dancer, him the hunky quarterback and we make sure we don't forget that on top of that we fell in love and made promises to each other and then to the children we chose to bring into the world. That they would always have both of us, always together till one of us goes home.
I suppose if one of us actually did stray we would be pissed but we'd have no one to blame but ourselves because it is up to us to make it work. Just my thoughts on it all, Blessings of the Night~!
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Permalink Reply by Lady Davonia on -
I think it is not a problem of whether or not someone is poly or mono, but whether or not they both know what the other is. I would like to see more people in relationships talking and making the decision to be whatever that they want rather than assuming that being in a relationship makes them monogamous. How can someone cheat if they don't know the rules in the first place? I believe that cheating can happen regardless of being poly or mono and cheating is when someone breaks the rules of the relationship.
Currently, my relationship is monogamous. We would like to form a triad, but consider ourselves lucky enough to get along well enough to have what we have. Ours is temporarily closed and can change whenever we decide as long as all parties agree.
Bottom line: Don't assume anything about your relationship- talk about your relationship!
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