What can I do? A Converted Friend
What can I do with her?
I have a friend, a woman who has been a close friend and confidant for a while now, that has converted to Christianity. She had formerly been a Wiccan, and I JUST found out that she converted today. I know that she had been having problems reconciling her beliefs with the way she was raised (conservative Methodist) and with her husband's christianity. I posted on Myspace a funny article about the Pope trying to press charges against a comedianne for saying her would "burn in hell", and she posted a very angry bulliten beck. Here it is, with my responces back:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should post bulletins that poke fun at your faith...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whoa, Sweetie. I am NOT poking fun of YOUR faith. Up until today I thought that you were Wiccan again. You have a PaganSpace profile! I was poking fun at the Catholics. Maybe I was wrong to post it as Christians and should have said Catholics, my bad and I apologize.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should lump all people that believe differently than I do into one huge group, and blame them all for soemthing just one of the did...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Again, Catholics. My bad.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should make fun of your supreme being (or beings as it were)...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Go ahead. I have a sence of humor about my religion.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should come up with some catchy abbreviation for your faith's name....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The X in Xtian comes from the Greek letter "Chi" and was used by Emperor Constantine as he Christianized the Roman people. That was where it originated, from a Christian Emperor bent on converting the masses of pagan Romans.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should. But I won't, not because I can't, but because it is wrong. Enjoy your free will now while you have it. Someday, you won't.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am sorry if you took this the wrong way. I put the bullitin up there like that because I have a few friends (and I thought that YOU were one of them) that would see it and laugh. I had already posted it when I saw your blog about converting entirely to the Christian faith. I have no problem with this at all. In point of fact, I think that it is a great thing because I know that you and your husband have been having problems and if finding a church family can help you two out, then more power to ya. I know that you had trouble reconsileing your beliefs in the Wiccan faith with the way you were raised and with your husband, and I am glad that you have found your spiritual center.
So forgive me for making this comment. And forgive me if I am a bit cynical about Christianity as a whole. I know a LOT of Christians that double talk and mock their own faith, and yet try to play "Holier than Thou" with me. I keep getting emails and posts from another person with Bible Verses and telling me that "you are going to hell!" so I also put that there to tweak her Catholic nose a bit.
I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU WOULD GET UPSET ABOUT THIS. I had no idea that you had converted. So I am sorry.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, my question is this: I love her dearly, like a sister, and I dont want to lose her friendship. So what do I do? Do I ignore the whole thing? Wait until she comes back and says she is sorry? Go crawling to her and beg her forgiveness?
My Fiancee said "Just forget her, Babe. She's not worth it." But I feel that she IS. She is the closest thing I have to a best friend, and she and I would sit and talk for HOURS about everything. I could and have told here EVERYTHING, and I don't want to lose that close relationship. I love her too much for that.
HELP! What is a Pagan to do with a Pissed off Christian friend? Is there anyone out there (and I know there is) that can offer me advice on this? What have you tried? How do YOU handle the hostility of a formerly Pagan friend that is suddenly turned into a Christian? What can you say to quel their anger at an offhanded comment? How do you make them forgive and forget?
I have a friend, a woman who has been a close friend and confidant for a while now, that has converted to Christianity. She had formerly been a Wiccan, and I JUST found out that she converted today. I know that she had been having problems reconciling her beliefs with the way she was raised (conservative Methodist) and with her husband's christianity. I posted on Myspace a funny article about the Pope trying to press charges against a comedianne for saying her would "burn in hell", and she posted a very angry bulliten beck. Here it is, with my responces back:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should post bulletins that poke fun at your faith...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whoa, Sweetie. I am NOT poking fun of YOUR faith. Up until today I thought that you were Wiccan again. You have a PaganSpace profile! I was poking fun at the Catholics. Maybe I was wrong to post it as Christians and should have said Catholics, my bad and I apologize.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should lump all people that believe differently than I do into one huge group, and blame them all for soemthing just one of the did...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Again, Catholics. My bad.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should make fun of your supreme being (or beings as it were)...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Go ahead. I have a sence of humor about my religion.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should come up with some catchy abbreviation for your faith's name....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The X in Xtian comes from the Greek letter "Chi" and was used by Emperor Constantine as he Christianized the Roman people. That was where it originated, from a Christian Emperor bent on converting the masses of pagan Romans.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe I should. But I won't, not because I can't, but because it is wrong. Enjoy your free will now while you have it. Someday, you won't.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am sorry if you took this the wrong way. I put the bullitin up there like that because I have a few friends (and I thought that YOU were one of them) that would see it and laugh. I had already posted it when I saw your blog about converting entirely to the Christian faith. I have no problem with this at all. In point of fact, I think that it is a great thing because I know that you and your husband have been having problems and if finding a church family can help you two out, then more power to ya. I know that you had trouble reconsileing your beliefs in the Wiccan faith with the way you were raised and with your husband, and I am glad that you have found your spiritual center.
So forgive me for making this comment. And forgive me if I am a bit cynical about Christianity as a whole. I know a LOT of Christians that double talk and mock their own faith, and yet try to play "Holier than Thou" with me. I keep getting emails and posts from another person with Bible Verses and telling me that "you are going to hell!" so I also put that there to tweak her Catholic nose a bit.
I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU WOULD GET UPSET ABOUT THIS. I had no idea that you had converted. So I am sorry.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, my question is this: I love her dearly, like a sister, and I dont want to lose her friendship. So what do I do? Do I ignore the whole thing? Wait until she comes back and says she is sorry? Go crawling to her and beg her forgiveness?
My Fiancee said "Just forget her, Babe. She's not worth it." But I feel that she IS. She is the closest thing I have to a best friend, and she and I would sit and talk for HOURS about everything. I could and have told here EVERYTHING, and I don't want to lose that close relationship. I love her too much for that.
HELP! What is a Pagan to do with a Pissed off Christian friend? Is there anyone out there (and I know there is) that can offer me advice on this? What have you tried? How do YOU handle the hostility of a formerly Pagan friend that is suddenly turned into a Christian? What can you say to quel their anger at an offhanded comment? How do you make them forgive and forget?
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Wednesday's Child on -
Sigh, I know. I DO respect her choices, and I have to let her be her own person, but it hurt to see her say that in SUCH a public forum.
And hey, I am a masochist, I enjoy beating myself up! lol
Thanks!
-
Permalink Reply by d'Arqstar on -
What do you do? NOTHING! She's OBVIOUSLY gone into hiding...her fear has chased her back to the Church where you check your sense of humor at the door and let those in charge do the thinking and the worrying FOR you!
I say this in ALL sincerity! Listen to your Fiance' ! WALK away and do NOT look back. IF she ever regains her strength and her courage...she'll come back to YOU! You can't approach her...everything you say or do from now on...she'll see as an attack.
There IS no FORGIVE and FORGET...period...she's kicked that out the door!
Sorry to be blunt...but this is the TRUTH of things!
On the GOOD HAND...there's always another friend JUST around the corner!
BB
d'Arqstar
-
Permalink Reply by Wednesday's Child on
-
WALK away and do NOT look back.
I wish I could, but I am just not wired that way. I love her too much to just let our friendship go to the crapper.
On the GOOD HAND...there's always another friend JUST around the corner!
Lol, are YOU volunteering to come over every saturday and drink coffee and Kibitz about our respective partners? How kind!
Thanks for the advice. I do believe that she IS going into hiding, I just hope she comes out of it soon. For BOTH of our sakes.
-
Permalink Reply by d'Arqstar on
-
I understand what you mean...I'm NOT really wired that way either...but a piano falls on your head enough times and you get pretty good at walking away...QUICKLY! LOL!
Have hope and faith that in time...even if she stays a Christian...that she'll let go of her fear and you two can resume your friendship. It will be a DIFFERENT friendship likely...but maybe THAT'S a good thing too! Who knows? LOL!
Sure...Saturday morning Kibbutzing over coffee! I'll bring the pastry! LOL!
-
Permalink Reply by Capricorn on -
Ex-Pagans who are brainwashed back into the constraints of Christianity are always the worst fundies.
I fear your relationship with your friend simply cannot be saved.
She makes a dig at you for your free will in one of her responses to you. This is clearly her repressed shadow self projecting her own angst of now having her own free will restricted by her child hood and husbands religion being forced upon her.
Just drop it and calmly walk away. If she wants to be civil let her initiate that. But you sound like you are on two different paths and shes unwilling to let them cross.
-
Permalink Reply by Santino on -
People come into your life for three things: Reasons, Seasons, or Lifetimes.
You were apoligetic and that is the best you can do whenever you offend someone. I tend to agree with RaevynKiss when she stated your friend is being defensive simply because she has yet to get her "sea legs on" with her newfound or newfound religion. Honestly, I believe she is doing that because it is what someone else encouraged her to do instead of finding her true self and now she must viscously defend that decision for fear of being wrong. If the relationship (with you) was meant to be a lifetime relationship, then she will return at her own timetable, and at that point welcome her with open arms. If it was for Seasons or Reasons rejoice in the time you spent together and the shared experiences. You never know, he might just be the Reason or Season relationship for her and once she has gathered all of the knowlege she was supposed to, she will return to what made her feel good inside which is her true inner beliefs (based off what you have told us, that would be wicca). Meanwhile don't avoid contact, but don't seek it out either, let her come to you, and at that point she will truly respect you for letting her do what she needed to do without any judgement on your part. Finally, you have already apoligized and no longer need to put that out there, go ahead and release those feelings so that you may create what you want in the future. If nothing else she needs to apoligize to you and to herself for attacking your beliefs when those were yours at the same time.
Focus on the good so the bad does not consume you. Find out why people come into your life. Constantly expand your knowlege so that you may come to know true enlightenment.
Santino
-
Permalink Reply by EyeofHorus on -
It's tough to make peace over eMail. Face-time is a good thing.
Tell her you've heard her, acknowledge her feelings. Ask her flat-out if she still wants to be friends with you. If not, move on. If yes, see if you can both let each other know what is appropriate and not regarding your religious speech.
-
Permalink Reply by Tracy on -
My heart goes out to you. This type of loss is almost like a death....so let your self grieve and then just give it time. Every now and again, give her a shout and let her know you miss her friendship. But most of all, give it time. Both of you will need time to adjust to the changes in your lives. Thats the best I can offer. Hang in there..BB, -T-
-
Permalink Reply by Strega Nona on -
I completely agree with RaevynKiss's reply. She has a right to follow her heart, even if she may change her mind later......or not. Don't ruin the friendship over this. I think that mutual respect is the way to go.
-
Permalink Reply by Ember on -
Let me tell you a story, Wednesday. When I lived in New Orleans, I had a dear friend, probably my best friend in the world at the time, that I spent a great deal of time with. She wasn't Pagan, but she was totally open to any and all. Then one day she and her new husband converted to this new type of church that had its own baptismal pool and a computer screen next to the cross to alert parents if their kids were in need. It was a high tech kind of church. She started going to 'Joy Group', which was their idea of bible study.
Overnight she became a domestic goddess (see the irony here?). She got pregnant and had her first child, named with a biblical name, I might add. She was the consummate homemaker while her husband went out and worked. She took up cross-stitching (not that there is anything wrong with that).
The point is, her life became church and home, and that was it. Because of this, one day she told me I was gonna burn in hell because of being a Pagan. I told her that was fine. And then I told her to come look for me when she woke up and came to her senses.
About a year later, she woke up, so to speak. She discovered that her husband was having an affair. (By this time she had had a second baby). When she walked out on him with her kids, she began bartending. She began dating again. And once she had a life, she left the church behind. And strangely enough, I got a phone call.
It was like no time had passed, we were so close again. And our friendship stayed strong until I moved from New Orleans to Tennessee. ^_^
If this is blind faith, she will wake up one day and realize her mistake. If this is going to be her attitude forever more, well then I would say your boyfriend is right. Either way, the change in religion seems to have brought on the attitude of the newly converted where they look down on all those who aren't of the same faith. It is their misguided attempt to fit in with their new communities. In doing this they push all the things that held value in their old world away. And ultimately, you can't fight that conviction no matter how hard you try to hold onto what you once had with her.
My apologies if this is not what you wanted to hear. But this is what I see is happening to you, just as it did to me.
-
Permalink Reply by Wednesday's Child on
-
Thank you! I have decided to just let her go her own way. She had recently had several affairs, and attempted to get her husband into the BDsM lifestyle (in fact that was where she and I met! on Collar ME) and when he didn't want to, she foun d someone who would. I have had problems with her behavior, but I have been there for her, to be her "Shoulder to bleed on" as it were. She knows I love her, and I guess I am just going to have to wait and see what the Gods bring me.
FNORD!
-
Permalink Reply by Halfmoonarmy on -
She is the closest thing I have to a best friend, and she and I would sit and talk for HOURS about everything. I could and have told here EVERYTHING, and I don't want to lose that close relationship. I love her too much for that.
I'd probably start by telling her that.
Advertisers
Donate/Sponsor Paganspace
Any donations to help with the rising costs of maintaining PaganSpace are always greatly appreciated. Many Blessings to you.
PS Podcast & Radio
Pagan Friendly Podcasts & Radio Show Listings. Join Now or View Show SchedulesCool Sites & Links
