Autism: The Pain it Causes to Mothers

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Permalink Reply by Strega Nona on September 22, 2008 at 7:13pm

You have nothing to feel guilty for! You did not cause his condition. You should never feel bad about having bad days when it seems completely ovewhelming! You are obviously a very good and loving mother. Please take the time to find others like you who have children with autism!!!! I just know that the support you would get from them would make a huge difference in your life and that of your children!
Autism is not a death sentence. Jenny McCarthy recently wrote a book about Autism and her son.

http://www.amazon.com/Louder-Than-Words-Mothers-Journey/dp/0525950117

Here is the Amazon link for that book. She also has been very outspoken on healing and 'cures' for Autism.

I still feel that contacting a local support group would be the very best thing for you at this time and for the future.

You are always welcome to share your difficult times here. Never be sorry for having a difficult time. We care and will be here for you!
~RaggedyGranWitch~

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Permalink Reply by Strega Nona on September 22, 2008 at 7:16pm

More articles that I found.

http://www.pr.com/article/1076

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/archive/2008/03/08/jenny...

Autism Online Support Group:
http://www.mdjunction.com/autism

The Autism Home Page:
http://groups.msn.com/TheAutismHomepage/parentsupportgroups.msnw

National Autism Association:
http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/

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Permalink Reply by Nyx_DarkSky on September 23, 2008 at 1:06pm

I agree with RaggedyGranWitch.... You have nothing to feel guilty for! You did not cause his condition.

There is so much great information out now about this.. I feel that the more you learn about Autism, the better equip you will be in helping the child, as well as getting past your fear, guilt, etc..

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Permalink Reply by Hobbyhorse on September 22, 2008 at 7:20pm

I have a nephew who is autistic. He is such a wonderful sweet child. It seems to me that autism is very individual. It's a strange label because two people can be autistic and be very very different. My sister and my parents do a lot of things for my nephew to make his social life easier. Therapies and daily reminders to help him come out of himself. I think all of it helps. When he was very young he was somewhat hard to manage. But as a young teenager he is now super easy. He amuses himself better than any kid I know. He is really smart, loving and funny. He is vey quirky - but so am I! I just wanted to share that with you. It sounds like you love your son so much. The love will get you through the hard times. -Annie

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Permalink Reply by Ronda on September 22, 2008 at 7:28pm

Keep in mind that knowing what is going on with your son is the first big step to helping him deal with it and grow up productive and healthy. There are a lot of strong parental advocates and grass root organizations that help parents of kids diagnosed with Autism. In fact, with the increase in diagnosis of Autism and Asbergers in the past few years, there is also an uprise in support for families and parents!

My daughter is still a mystery, LOL! No diagnosis covers everything that is going on with her. Every day is a struggle and we never know what it will bring. She has both medical and mental health issues, and was tested for autism but they decided she is too verbal to fit that diagnosis. Her medical diagnosis is "unspecified genetic disorder" with a long list of little things to go with it. To give you an idea, epilepsy is a little thing for her.

But we love her and cherish her and try to survive one day at a time which is the only way we can get through it all sometimes. She will be 21 this week, and at one point we were told she would be lucky to make it to 10! Every day is an added blessing.

Good luck with your son, check into the support groups as you need someone to talk to and they have a lot of information the doctors and schools often fail to tell you about. If he is not in the public school system check on early programs for him!

Ronda
Blessed be!

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Permalink Reply by Blavatsky on September 22, 2008 at 8:45pm

I'm so sorry for your pain. Please don't lose hope. Bill Gates has autism. Temple Grandin is autistic. You won't know for at least a decade (or two) what your child's capacities will really be.
Just keep raising your kid the best way you can. And trust your gut, not the "experts".
My best practical advice is to acclimate your child to digital technology at the earliest opportunity. I'm attaching an article by Simon Baron-Cohen, from the autism center at cambridge university regarding autism and "the digital age". I hope you find it useful.
Best of luck to you.
____________________________________________________________________________

SIMON BARON-COHEN
Psychologist, Autism Research Centre, Cambridge University; Author, The Essential Difference


The Rise of Autism and The Digital Age

Whichever country I travel to, attending conferences on the subject of autism, I hear the same story: autism is on the increase.
Thus in 1978 the rate of autism was 4 in 10,000 children, but today (according to a Lancet article in 2006) it is 1%. No one quite knows what this increase is due to, though conservatively it is put down to better recognition, better services, and broadening the diagnostic category to include milder cases such as Asperger Syndrome. It is neither proven nor disproven that the increase might reflect other factors, such as genetic change or some environmental (e.g., hormonal) change. And for scientists to answer the question of what is driving this increase will require imaginative research comparing historical as well as cross-cultural data.

Some may throw up their hands at this increase in autism and feel despair and pessimism. They may feel that the future is bleak for all of these newly diagnosed cases of autism. But I remain optimistic that for a good proportion of them, it has never been a better time to have autism.

Why? Because there is a remarkably good fit between the autistic mind and the digital age. The digital revolution brought us computers, but this age is remarkably recent. It was only in 1953 that IBM produced their first computer, but a mere 54 years later many children now have their own computer.

Computers operate on the basis of extreme precision, and so does the autistic mind. Computers deal in black and white binary code, and so does the autistic mind. Computers follow rules, and so does the autistic mind. Computers are systems, and the autistic mind is the ultimate systemizer. The autistic mind is only interested in data that is predictable and lawful. The inherently ambiguous and unpredictable world of people and emotions is a turn off for someone with autism, but a rapid series of clicks of the mouse that leads to the same result every time that sequence is performed is reassuringly attractive. Many children with autism develop an intuitive understanding of computers in the same way that other children develop an intuitive understanding of people.

So, why am I optimistic? For this new generation of children with autism, I anticipate that many of them will find ways to blossom, using their skills with digital technology to find employment, to find friends, and in some cases to innovate. When I think back to the destiny of children with autism some 50 years ago, I imagine there were relatively fewer opportunities for such children. When I think of today's generation of children with autism, I do not despair. True, many of them will have a rocky time during their school years, whilst their peer group shuns them because they cannot socialize easily. But by adulthood, a good proportion of these individuals will have not only found a niche in the digital world, but will be exploiting that niche in ways that may bring economic security, respect from their peer group, and make the individual feel valued for the contribution they are able to make.

Of course, such opportunities may only be relevant to those individuals with autism who have language and otherwise normal intelligence, but this is no trivial subgroup. For those more severely affected, by language delay and learning difficulties, the digital age may offer less. Though even for this subgroup I remain optimistic that new computer-based teaching methods will have an appeal that can penetrate the wall that separates autism from the social world. The autistic mind — at any level of IQ — latches onto those aspects of the environment that provide predictability, and it is through such channels that we can reach in to help.

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Permalink Reply by Blavatsky on September 22, 2008 at 8:49pm

http://www.stephenwiltshire.co.uk/index.aspx

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Permalink Reply by Blavatsky on September 22, 2008 at 8:53pm

http://www.stephenwiltshire.co.uk/gallery.aspx

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Permalink Reply by Ronda on September 23, 2008 at 11:53am

What was mentioned about the computer is definitely true - while my daughter's biggest issue is communication with others without becoming frustrated I have watched her have as many as 6 or 7 IM conversations going simultaneously now that someone helped her learn how to get started. She can't type or spell worth spit - but who cares in IM's! She also can do things with digital graphics that I can't keep up with - particularly where she is interested - and is teaching herself Japanese so she can read Manga in the original. I think she was Japanese in a past life as it comes more easily to her than reading English ever did - but also there is something else about the language which lends itself to her being able to learn it more easily.

Still - getting started on something is the hard part. Computers are wonderful tools but the initial learning is frustrating. I just got her a laptop. Something new and different is very frustrating for her so being able to learn how to use the laptop is going to take her a while - probably months - but once she is used to it, she will be fine. The earlier your son is exposed to working on a computer or other technological devices, the better off he will be!

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Permalink Reply by Skallagrimsson on September 22, 2008 at 9:27pm

My son doesn't quite have autism. He has Asperger's Syndrome which is clinically called higher functioning autism. In layman's terms it would be social retardation. The birth of my son 19 years ago started unraveling the marriage between me and my now ex-wife. He was different in ways that it was difficult to identify. The diagnoses took years, but the symptoms, let's just called it speech delayed and strange behavior, were there and the meds and the specialists couldn't figure out how to handle the oddity that didn't interact with others normally. The ex and I argued over the best way to handle the boy that wouldn't be right. It killed her that her desire could not make him normal. That is the pain I guess you are referring to. Me? I just did - and do - the best I can for him. He is not going to be 100% normal and I do the best I can for him. Even when he tells me he hates me. Like he did 10 minutes ago. He lives with me now. Frankly, his mom would not have been able to raise him. Because, well, she didn't. Giving up? After 19 years, I'd just like to give him away some days. After 19 years, I wish the road ahead wasn't so long. Being a single parent, as you know, is thankless work. I love him but I am so tired of being a parent. As in just plain old fatigued tired. I hope and pray that you get the help --- because we all need it, esp. single parents --- and support in raising Amari. Gods bless you and your family.

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Permalink Reply by Lykathea, Queen of Squirrels on November 24, 2008 at 1:08pm

I know the feeling because my parents started fighting when I was born autistic and smeared feces. I might be worse than your son though, because I still bash my head and don't have a lot of 'real life' good friends. I ask the Gods every day to be normal, and I frequently wish that I were born normal. My parents have been able to have a decent, normal life ever since I moved out 5 years ago, bless them. They are tired of dealing with my crap and bizarre Asperger's behavior, and I don't blame them.

BTW, to all the "Indigo Children" and "Crystal Children" commentators: I am psychically deaf, dumb and blind and it's probably due to the lack of empathy / intuition that I have because of my disorder. I'm an autistic talking to you right now and I'm definitely not "indigo".

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Permalink Reply by Elven Path on September 22, 2008 at 10:11pm

Luckily, I didn't have autistic children, but I realize that I could have. I learned from my herbal training that autism (as well as diabetes) have direct links to vaccinations and dairy products. If I were you, I would look into Neil Z. Miller's book, "Vaccines - Are They Really Safe and Effective?" The reason the book has such mixed reviews is because people in the medical industry give it bad reviews to discourage its purchase, since the correct documented evidence presented is beyond the call of duty and utterly overwhelming. When I read it, I felt horrible that my children even had these! Look into laws in your state where you can refuse vaccines and get their waivers - your child is so worth it!

I also recommend getting off ALL dairy products (unless you own your own goat that eats organically and you can obtain raw goat's milk) and while you are at it, any sugars and flours (use sprouted grains and raw honey, agave juice or stevia). Your family doesn't need it either since dairy unfortunately is a food of mucus, which lines your insides similarly to wallpaper paste - I would look toward eating more than half of your foods raw and as much in their natural state as possible (sprouting is a very inexpensive and nutritious option, it is something I am learning about now hehehe). There are many raw foods books and many raw foods sites where you can learn about this - just google raw foods and sprouting. Along with cleansing herbs, the nutrition in raw foods will help your child immensely, and at the same time help your family stay free of disease.

I know an adult in his 40's who had Diabetes I since he was 3, and had developed PTSD from his bumpy life - he has been on disability pretty much his whole life, and much of that time he was taking care of his father, who was also on disability due to the after-effects of either stroke or heart attack after the death of his wife, my friend's mother. He only learned a couple of years ago that he indeed has Asberger's, and I told him what I learned in herbal school. He said that likely did it, because he did have sensitivity to the vaccinations and did not nurse but received cow's milk in one form or another as his first food. Because of his Diabetes I eliminating many foods, he hesitates to give up dairy, and I am sure the cleansing reactions could be hard on him. However, even some gentle cleansing herbs like turmeric, red clover, and juniper berries (the monosperma variety is best), as well as burdock, yellow dock and milk thistle seeds helps take the edge off his symptoms. He also learned that saffron helps him with depression.

I hope some of our suggestions here at PaganSpace will help you with your large job that the Universe has given to you - most likely because you can do it! More power to you LadyWhiteSunflower!

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