Pagans Behaving Badly…
Hello everyone,
I decided start a discussion about Pagan’s behaving badly because in the past few months I have experience more than my share of immature and rude behavior from many Pagan’s in our local community.
Much of this behavior is minor (thank the Gods) and has only caused irritation and has damaged relationships. The behavior includes posting personal info on public blogs, bashing one another because things did not go a certain way for a certain person, gossip, bashing the personal beliefs of another, and so MUCH MORE!
I am glad that there have not been any serious gashes in the social fiber (besides the damaged relationships)… at least not yet, but it seems to be getting worse or at least more frequent.
We are the champions of our own spiritual path, should we not be striving to make it as well tread as possible? I know that the ideal of “No Rules and do as you please” attracts many of the less than socially acceptable people. However, I don’t see this as an excuse to behave immorally and immaturely.
I too am solitary, but I also feel there is a need to come together so we can be a strong thriving community built on compassion and understanding. I know plenty of solitaries out there who remain solitary because our community as a whole is lacking compassion and understanding, especially when the “$hit hits the fan”!
What are your experiences? How do we let these ill-behaved people know that doing whatever they want, to whom ever they want, whenever they want is not something a grown adults should do?
How do we help them become more compassionate in contrast to the selfishness they openly display?
I decided start a discussion about Pagan’s behaving badly because in the past few months I have experience more than my share of immature and rude behavior from many Pagan’s in our local community.
Much of this behavior is minor (thank the Gods) and has only caused irritation and has damaged relationships. The behavior includes posting personal info on public blogs, bashing one another because things did not go a certain way for a certain person, gossip, bashing the personal beliefs of another, and so MUCH MORE!
I am glad that there have not been any serious gashes in the social fiber (besides the damaged relationships)… at least not yet, but it seems to be getting worse or at least more frequent.
We are the champions of our own spiritual path, should we not be striving to make it as well tread as possible? I know that the ideal of “No Rules and do as you please” attracts many of the less than socially acceptable people. However, I don’t see this as an excuse to behave immorally and immaturely.
I too am solitary, but I also feel there is a need to come together so we can be a strong thriving community built on compassion and understanding. I know plenty of solitaries out there who remain solitary because our community as a whole is lacking compassion and understanding, especially when the “$hit hits the fan”!
What are your experiences? How do we let these ill-behaved people know that doing whatever they want, to whom ever they want, whenever they want is not something a grown adults should do?
How do we help them become more compassionate in contrast to the selfishness they openly display?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Catrina on -
I come from a little town where there are very few pagans.. (If any) I am solitary and intend to stay that way...... A t the moment I have no choice. Reading all your comments is scary.. Why do people behave like this?
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Permalink Reply by Last Knight on -
Don't take it that all pagans are like this. There are a few bad apples in every barrel, and even in several barrels where there's only one apple, it's bad anyway... but really, most of us are NOT assholes or jerks or crazy. Really...
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Permalink Reply by SIN on -
People are people, and it doesn't matter if they are Pagans, or not. You will find that people behave badly in the eyes of a group, in any group of people.
Why are some children bullies; while others are not? Its all in the up-bringing of children, and the lives people lead that forms their behaviors.
I imagine if I took the time to dig into that kids life, he probably had a big brother who picked on him, a father who didn't show enough love and affection or some childhood trauma that occured - that made him such an asshole. By picking on the special needs kids, it somehow made him feel superior. What about the friends who cheered him on? Why are they so eager to please this kid and his behavior? Is it a sense of 'belonging' to a 'click'? What would have occured if they all just said to him 'Dude, not cool!' Would he have stopped? Would they all remain friends?
This type of analysis would have to be performed on each person that 'behaves badly'. This is why I stress empathy over compassion.
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Permalink Reply by Mystic Witch on -
Yes I have seen this too online and also even offline in groups. It seems the groups start with good intentions and than some ego or powertrip comes over them and then the crap hits the fan and the groups go down as there is infighting. I think we should treat people as we wish to be treated. I just moved onward and upward and is happy they are out of my life and I learned some valuable lessons from it. Im in a coven and everyone was picked very carefully to be a member. There was one girl in the coven that thought she could hump everyone's husband. Well, in our coven we are not poly so that is not acceptable. I mean if poly is your thing thats your business but, in a coven that is not it did not go over well and she was removed. She thought being "pagan" would give her an excuse to be unfaithful to her partner and it was not cool to me.
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Permalink Reply by SIN on
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Yes I have seen this too online and also even offline in groups. It seems the groups start with good intentions and than some ego or powertrip comes over them and then the crap hits the fan and the groups go down as there is infighting. I think we should treat people as we wish to be treated.
That's because by nature we are social animals, it doesn't mean we were meant to act in harmony. We all have ego, and its not a dirty word or a bath thing to have a healthy ego. I get along rather well with people that have big egos because mine is HUGE. I think its better to stroke each other's ego when we deserve it rather than battle over who has the bigger ego 'Let go of my ego!!!!!' :-)
I think we should treat people, just as we have been treated; and a little empathy goes a long way.
But that's just me.
Women who behave rarely make history.
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Permalink Reply by Mystic Witch on
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thats true, a healthy ego is not a bad thing ..just an unhealthy ego is bad.. and I agree we should treat everyone as we want to be treated.
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Permalink Reply by Angji on -
I so agree! you hit pretty much on the nail... I been in so many groups I lost count.....
Always started out the same way! always ended the same way.....
Like a bad hollywood divorce...
Like your right not everyobdys bad I tihnk that mostp agans dont relaize how bad there behaviors is and or howi t effects them and thew whole community... When outsiders observe howe we treat each other then wonder is tihs how they all our.
There just seems no accountabilty to me anymore for peopels actons.
We wine about oh look atthe cahothic priest and threre bullshit well were soemtiems not all that better......
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Permalink Reply by Tsiyeria on -
My current bf's ex is Wiccan. She used to belong to a "coven" that appeared to have been all about sex. They pressured her to join them in their "rites" (she was INCREDIBLY underage at the time), and when she refused, they sent a representative to attempt to FORCE her into participating. Thank the gods that John was there to help her stand up for herself.
For some reason, people hear the "do what you will" and forget all about the "an it harm none" part. Also, in my experience (admittedly limited to one city's population) the large majority of people who call themselves pagan do so for the wrong reasons (ie, to be rebellious, or "cool"). Granted again that my experience is with people my age (teens).
*shakes head* A large part of it is misunderstanding, I guess. And, going back to what Isis said: some people are just plain containers of dung.
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Permalink Reply by Last Knight on
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Hear hear, Isis!
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Permalink Reply by Last Knight on
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Once, there was a man who had a great reputation for being wise. People lined up at his door every morning to ask him questions, and came from miles around to ask. One day, a young man came to the town and heard about the man's reputation. He decided to get in line the next day and ask his question. When it came his turn, he went into the wise man's home and asked him "How did you get to be so wise?" The man answered, "I have no idea. All these people come in here and tell me their problems, and every day, I listen to them until they figure it out for themselves."
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Permalink Reply by Sara on -
I agree with SIN on this one, People can be douchy no matter what their spirituality is. There are leaders in other faiths that use their religion as an excuse to powertrip, be a dick, & abuse others.
I think we feel we need to slap disclaimers on the 'badly behaving pagans' because we're so misrepresented in the media, and when an outsider meets these folks or hear about something stupid or unethical (beyond the pale unethical I mean), we worry that the uneducated will think that the douchebags represent ALL OF US.
The only way to combat this is to live with integrity, and be an example. :)
But yeah, I've seen enough tacky behavior to make me put out a never ending groan... Srsly people, being a pagan doesn't mean that ethics fly out the window. Open relationships are fine, having a coven of consenting adults practice sex magic is fine... but forcing people or recruiting people? Or getting all puppet master in a group to satisfy the ego? What? Does not compute with me. I mean I get why people'd want to do this... but still, I just don't grock why anyone think that this kind of behavior is ok.
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Permalink Reply by Artemis on -
The idea of "no rules and do as you please" gets abused and taken advantage of all too often by many.. I try to consider how i would want to be treated and if i would ever ut myself in a situation to be treated that way, and then act how i feel is best.
The problem doesnt lie with pagans, it lies with people. People are alll too quick and eager to point the finger at another and place blame. I have personally experienced this and i still, at this very moment hurt because of it and i feel lost. I understand that i am less then perfect and i have my faults.. But the disregard and selfishness that has recently come my way is uncalled for. It seemslike it is in the air and is happening to everyone to some degree.
There is a saying that goes "if everyoe swept in front of their own door the world would be clean". Not only are people not sweeping in front of their own door, they are collecting dirt and dumping it on anothers door.
I too am soitary becasue i have found most people to be unreliable.. I have many friends and i tend tog et along with people but i can count my truest friends, the ones i would place my life in their hands if i needed, on my figners.
It is free will, a treasured gift that us humans are given. At some point each and every one of us abuses that gift. You can not control what other people do or say. What you can control is what you do and say and how you let everything else affect you. As long as you stay true and honest to yourself then thats the best you can do. ANd maybe others will see that and try it too.
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