The Social Network for the Occult Community

By Sean Phipps

There is a rumor spreading at my current place of employment in Athens, Tenn., that I am evil. Let me back up. There is a young co-worker of mine who is highly, fundamentally religious. I jokingly responded to her lunchtime request for a conversation about some “good news” with three words that would come back to bite me in the end: I’m not religious. What she heard instead, because she is insane, is “I am Satan.” Things have been going downhill between me and this co-worker ever since. I’ve been subtly trying to convince her that I’m far worse than non-religious, that I may in fact be a direct descendent of the dark master himself. Here are some ways I’ve helped convince this co-worker of mine that I’m evil. 

Occult Literature
Well, not really occult in the correct sense of the word. I’ve started bringing questionable reading material to display in my office. It’s not my style to be completely obvious about something, so instead of “The Satanic Bible” I’ve opted instead to display tertiary occult literature like “The Rise and Fall of Magic in Early Medieval Europe” and “The Occult History of the Third Reich,” just to add a little sugar on top. A friend has suggested I hang art from Austin Osman Spare, but there isn’t really anywhere to hang art and I doubt it would do anything but ostracize me from my already few friends at work. 

The “Death” Stare
She already thinks I’m evil, so why not stare at her. This is something I do well and I use it to frighten adult mammals and submissive dogs. She doesn’t seem fazed thus far, which has me concerned. I usually try the “death” stare from a distance. When she catches my glance I’ll lock on her eyes and sort of squint a bit like I’m deep in thought. I’ve done this twice and both times she immediately turned away. I may stop this one. It could lead to an HR meeting and that's not my intention.

Satanic Accessories 
In the corporate world self-expression is often frowned upon. Still, there are a few ways to express your own individuality. A flamboyant hairstyle is one example. Unfortunately, I have very little hair and unless I want to go with the shaved Crowley look, there just aren’t a lot of options. Small accessories like a watch, ring, or cufflinks are also easy ways to express yourself. But 50 bones for a set of pentagram cufflinks is a little out of my price range for dramatic effect. You can also surgically alter your tongue so it’s more reptilian, or have bone fragments installed into your forehead for that “devil horn” appearance, but I’m not that flush and I’m also not a Satanist. 

I think I would talk about goats on a daily basis even if I weren’t trying to convince a co-worker that I was evil. Sometimes I’ll talk about roasting them on a pit in the backyard as a sacrifice to Lucifer, but mostly I just talk about owning and loving them as pets and intimate companions. I keep two photos of my “horned goats” Altho and Kernunno in my wallet right next to my sister’s senior class photo. I display them often. This isn’t going over too well with the co-worker. I think she’s slowly coming unravelled. She has no idea how focused and sincere I am about this project. 

Participation in All Holiday-themed Potlucks with Gusto
I believe that in order to be entirely convincing as a character you still have to play by the rules of society. Society is, after all, the playing field. That is why I try to make the most delicious dish at company potlucks. Are they satanic in nature? Absolutely not. This is an instance where simplicity and normalcy is key. Why would an “evil” person have the ability to make the perfect macaroni and cheese casserole? Why would the self-proclaimed son of the dark master of the underworld take the time needed to individually wrap and stuff 100 dates with cheese and bacon? It just doesn’t make any sense, which is why my plan is working.


Views: 511

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion


For a while, the Christian guy I work with lost interest.  So I was feeling rather bored one day, so I decided to start reading the Satanic Bible online.  Looks like I've recaptured his interest! lol  So when I get time to goof off a bit, he's always checking out what I'm reading.  He doesn't say anything, but I can tell he's disturbed. lol  I tell myself I should be more mature and stop messing with him, but the looks he gives are just priceless!

I drive a school bus and the kids on my bus are already convinced that I'm outright wicked! The middle-schoolers I drive just think I'm a little weird. But on my elementary run... I'm sure they go home and tell their parents that I'm a witch every day! I'm very evil--I make them sit down and behave themselves or else... no blow-pop sucker or Friday! Bwahahahaha! (twists imaginary mustache)

I would like to add to your list... Try hanging up some shrunken heads or necklaces made of teeth. Start carrying around a mysterious bag of evil goodies... Make an effort to let her see you digging through it in a very secretive fashion. Or, use a box for this purpose. Go to your local pagan shop and buy one of those carved wooden boxes with a hinged lid with a pentagram on top. Put creepy stuff in it. Put it in a place where your coworker might be tempted to snoop in it. Place in the box a written spell on how to curse a nosey person.

Most pagans get uppity when urged to do a little mischief. So many of us think we're too good with the three-fold law and blah blah blah... But don't forget that there are two sides to every coin--light and dark. Pagans are people and we gotta have our fun now and then. So indulge in a little good old-fashioned witchy mischief!!

*hee hee hee* I particularly like the idea of hiding a written spell on cursing a nosy person. Of course there must be an added verse or two about those not welcome being "cursed" for reading about the forbidden.

Being a school bus driver would certainly qualify as a reason for developing your wicked side! :-D

The funny thing is, the kids think I'm evil... But I think the same thing about them... LOL

I really like the teeth necklace idea.  It got me thinking of getting a necklace of skulls.  That and whispering in "tongues", but saying it just loud enough for the coworker to hear it! lol  Eventually he'll ask and I'll be all like, "Oh, I'm just saying prayers to my infernal god of death!" or some such nonsense! lol

Oh yeah and one more thing that will drive 'em nuts...

If there's a break room with a fridge at your POE, this will work. Take a clear drink bottle and label it with your name and put a date on it too, so as to imply that the contents are parishable. Mix the following and put it in the bottle: Corn syrup and red food coloring. If you mix it to the right consistancy, it will look like BLOOD! And believe me, it's the perfect recipe for fake blood--I got the recipe from someone who is an actor in an annual haunted house attraction in my home town. 

Put it in the fridge for your holier-than-thou coworker to see... The thought of you actually drinking blood will make him/her faint... Since it's corn syrup, it'll be sweet, you COULD actually DRINK it--right in front of him/her!

And for an extra touch, act like you're talking on your phone to a friend who will be accompanying you for a Satanic ritual... Say stuff like: "Don't forget the towels for our blood orgy later.", "Next time, we should use a male goat--the female goat's blood just isn't hearty enough for me.", "We're not pleasing him enough. Our next sacrifice should be a doulbe... Go pick up TWO dogs from the shelter this time!" .  

If you follow through with this, make sure you keep us updated!

I admit I've done things like this just to get to a few people that annoy me. 


© 2018       Powered by

Badges | Privacy Policy  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service