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[I refer to myself as Astarte in the following monologue because I was using the name Astarte on Pagan Space at the time I wrote it.]

My answer to the question above is quite simply No, I do not intend by any means to go to heaven. Sometimes well-intentioned, Godly people ask me if I know where I will be after I die, and I tell them that I do know, for I will certainly go to hell. In the Biblical Book of Jeremiah Astarte is called the "Queen of Heaven", but we can all surmise the rather obvious truth that Astarte is the Queen of Hell. Nonetheless I make it clear to the Christians who are speaking with me that I will not rely upon my special status to live in a palace in hell, while the dead at the palace gates are suffering from unspeakable horrors. I will go to hell to clean the toilets. A good queen is not so much the ruler of her people as their servant. The dead are not by any means my victims, for I feel that I am their mother. The toilets in hell are in dire need of cleaning because the torments of hell are not the result of any sort of flames. The damned are full of sh*t and they would not be in hell except for the fact that they are "full of it". I am afraid that constipation and diarrhea are chronic afflictions in hell, for the psyche of the evil human being is (shall we say) unsightly. Do not imagine that I will be dressed in robes of white. I shall wear my usual black, for I do not wish to make myself obvious and appear better than my children in any way. Considering the work that I will be doing, white would be impractical in any case, for it readily shows a stain. I will wear a simple suit of black, and I will have a toilet brush in my hand. Honestly I cannot imagine what I would do in heaven except relax and enjoy myself. When my "vacation" in hell is over I will incarnate into whatever place in the world is the "hellhole" at that time. I cannot promise that I will hold a toilet brush in my hand as I leave my mother's womb, but that is an image of the life that I will have.

I am not going to heaven---I wonder if you are going to heaven.

Below: a typical scene in hell. This is the toilet in apartment 30957349766932168432A. I am wise beyond my years after cleaning this toilet in Mr. Hitler's apartment so many times.

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Give my remains to Broadway. 

I hope so.

I think I am wise beyond my years after cleaning the toilet in the apartment of Adolf Hitler so many times.

No, I don't believe in the concept persay. I believe we are all going to our next destined path, but heaven? No. That is silly to me.

as far as  i'v read, seen and heard heaven i  boring.  i'm going to Valhalla for a while  n then coming back to hassle  people again.  *teasing grin*

I am applying for a position in Hell to make those who use others Faith to screw them and think

that sitting in a building and mumbling some words, then going out and doing it all over.

 Survived a 7.200 V electrocution and used my second chance wisely, meaning no regrets, no harm. 

I don't understand the belief in an afterlife that is at all comparable to our shared reality prior to death. Perception is based on differentiations that rely on both time and space. When the body no longer provides the means of perceiving the differences between this and that, here and there, then and now, the extrapolation required to project future potentials cannot occur. If self-awareness continues beyond death, it cannot be based on a reality that no longer exists as the frame of reference with which we are familar.

It is interesting that the prevailing belief among us involves a continuation of self-awareness. We all wonder what we'll think of an afterlife when it happens, but the Veil of death prevents proof of anything but speculation. Why should we be able to think when the vehicle for doing so no longer functions? Occasionally, we catch a fleeting glimpse beyond the Veil; a vision, an insight, a moment of clarity, but it is little more than a teasing impression that consciousness might persist. Since we can only have knowledge from experience, we naturally interpret these glimpses through the filters shaped by our experiences. We see only what our beliefs tell us is possible.

Don't misunderstand. Glimpses beyond the Veil have allowed me a better comprehension of the mechanics of reality manipulation. Something is out there that hints at an even greater reality, but I don't think it can be defined through our normal references.

If my will and my awareness continue beyond death, then my reality will be something entirely different than what I can conceive from my current vantage. For me, heaven and hell are both and together a part of my life; not a destination.

"Perception is based on differentiations that rely on both time and space"

 We learn, if One pays attention, quite a lot in our sleep period. I noticed that

time is accelerated in dream time. This is my observation and it works for me.

 Awhile ago someone at SETI asked " If the Universe is Expanding, What is it

>moving aside it passes. Some also state that our 'Existence' is connected at the

Quantum Level, thus allowing One to 'Program' One's self, per-say.

 Death is a beginning. If one understands that we are just a phase relationship in Energy.   

I guess the SETI question wasn't posed properly, since the universe's apparent expansion is only in reference to itself, but all else you say is true. Sleep and dreaming still involve the body; consciousness is just in low-power mode for recharging. I also hope that death is a beginning, or at least a change in perception, not the End. Faith is what allows the next instant of awareness, and I hope that I can continue to anticipate for as long as I can appreciate.

I am happy that my little essay has finally evoked some thoughtful responses. My purpose in writing it was not to portray what an afterlife might actually be like, but to destroy, through satire and humor, the validity of the Christian goal in life, which has traditionally been the attainment of heaven. I recently overheard some nuns praying one of the classical prayers of the Catholic church, which said (I must paraphrase it), "O Jesus, save us from the fires of hell, and lead us into the everlasting joys of heaven." My version of the prayer would be (of course the nuns would not like this), "O Self that I am, that does not truly exist, free me from the desire for heaven, that I might fearlessly go into hell in order to bring a modicum of happiness to its inhabitants." My purpose in praying this prayer is not to make a claim that heaven or hell actually exist in the "afterworld", I am really stating an ethical position. As a bodhisattva (perhaps I am actually an anti-bodhisattva) I naturally wish to enter Nirvana instead of heaven, if not now then at the end of time. I will be content if my Nirvana is simply a cessation of existence, for then at least I will not suffer any more.

You can thank the Egyptians for their influence on Christianity. They were all about gaining immortality in the afterlife.

Having to exist for eternity with total actuality and no more potentiality sounds like Hell.  Being around all the people for eternity who want to see me in heaven sounds like Hell.  However, think of how much more fun existence would be if each life at this level is a day in a 'macro-existence'.  Upon death, you wake up an advanced Cephalopod unhooking from a human virtual environment.  You will return to work tomorrow for another run.


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