asking for help

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Permalink Reply by Scarlet on March 26, 2009 at 9:32pm

That really sucks. It can be hard for people to take people your age seriously. I think it's hardwired into adults to laugh at younger people... maybe in retribution for being laughed at themselves at that age and they feel it is some sot of rite of passage.
They DO love you, they just don't really understand the depth of your faith or understand the concepts you believe in. You could try to explain, you could recomend reading material (some of the "Truth about Witchcraft" or "When Someone You Know is a Witch" booklets and pamphlets... there's a fairly decent one by Scott Cunningham out there and I know there's other options) but they may still not understand and that will only frustrate you.
I'm the petty sort, so when someone laughs at me like that, I try to find something about their beliefs to laugh at (I mean, unless I they're strangers and I don't care about them)... Not so much to inflict the same pain on them in return but to show them how their logic is flawed. I don't recomend that approach... it just makes people grumpy and bitter.

Try this. Don't bring it up. If they bring it up then say "if you can't take my faith seriously, I don't want to talk to you about it. Lets talk about something else, can we?"
If there's someone you can talk to about your feelings... maybe a mother or sister or whoever in the family seems least likely to laugh, you might take them aside and explain just what you told us but in very pro-active terms. That means, don't get mad and upset once they start laughing, instead, initiate a calm conversation like "Hey, Mom... can we talk about something? You know I told you about my beliefs and such... well, when you and Dad make jokes about it it really bothers me. I know you think it's a joke, but it's not a joke to me. To me, it's very real, very serious and very important to me. I get upset and sad that you don't support me... I don't expect you to agree with my beliefs or even understand them, but I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't use it to hurt me... if you can't support me, then please, at least don't laugh about it. I love you guys and it would mean a lot to me if you would let it go. I'd like to be able to tell you about things that are important to me, but I feel like if I can't trust you to respect my choice of faith, how can I trust you enough to tell you about other things?" That person, if they understand you, can be an ally when the rest of the family starts up with the peanut gallery... eventually, maybe they can help you get everyone to lay off.
Otherwise, just remember that they're your family and no matter how silly they pretend you are, they still love you and want whats best for you.
And you can always talk to us about those topics... we're not family, but we'll probably understand what you're going through.
-Scarlet

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Permalink Reply by Balor The Huntress~Warrior on March 26, 2009 at 9:38pm

I agree with Scarlet !!


Your always welcome here & we understand.

Blessings Balor

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Permalink Reply by Arcane the WhiteRaven on March 26, 2009 at 11:31pm

I'd be careful with the occult shops and stuff.

do too much hanging out around their and they might think you're hanging out with a bad crowd or something.

plus they can ban you from going and then you either lose all your friends or you lose the ability to practice your religion in their house for disobeying them and hanging out with your friends.

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Permalink Reply by Larry Baird on March 26, 2009 at 9:58pm

I have the same thing happen in my family. They think I'm the devil's servant and I should go back being christian. I know it's hard not to listen to them especially when they don't want anything to do paganism. I also know the hurt they can cause. I guess I'm about as bad sometimes because to keep them off my back I've stop talking to them about it. But we don't know who's right to its to late do we?

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Permalink Reply by )0( shadow )0( on March 26, 2009 at 10:28pm

...merry meet jak...
...juss keep staying true to who yooh are and im sure eventually they will accept the fine person yooh are...stay strong and true my friend...
...many dark blessings...

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Permalink Reply by Arcane the WhiteRaven on March 26, 2009 at 11:20pm

eh we all get that.
my parents think I worhip demons and my sister thinks I'm insane

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Permalink Reply by Sara on March 26, 2009 at 11:40pm

People get hung up on labels. Tell someone you're a witch/pagan/wiccan/ or something they associate with the occult, if they're not familiar with the movement they're going to think you're doing something out of a movie or comic book. People will think you may believe in all kinds of things you don't, and they don't see it as a valid path because it's not what they know, or understand.

And people get really uncomfortable with things they don't understand.

it's been called 'coming out of the broom closet' for a reason. When you come out you're admitting to making a life-choice that on the surface is extremely controversial (especially depending on your family background). Family's reaction especially can be... not what we would hope or wish.

If you're getting shit from your siblings, just don't talk about it with them. If they're not going to respect you enough to at least listen to you even if they do think what you're doing is silly, then they're just being immature assholes. Maybe they'll buy a clue when they're older.

If it's your parents behaving this way... well, I'd try sitting them down one at a time and try to have a heart to heart with them. If they too are being obstinate, then don't discuss it with them.

If they give you shit about it still, tell them the truth, that what they are doing is painful and therefor you're not going to talk to them about it anymore. Sometimes with family we don't realize how our behavior can really really hurt the one's we love.

Now, about support. You're old enough to start looking outside your family. I hope you're going to move out on your own or start college soon. You're at this weird pivotal time where you're about to meet all kinds of new folks, and get involved in new situations. Look to local or regional pagan groups, or other groups you have an interest in. Meet people who understand you & hang with them. You're definitely not alone in your path.

Oh and if you can, try to get to a Pagan Festival, you'll find it to be quite the growing experience, and it'll give you seven directions of support as well as new friends :)

Look for groups on witchvox.com to start

If you need help in finding festivals, pm me, I'm a festival finding ninja. I believe there's a big one in Florida that happens every year.

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Permalink Reply by Saladman on March 26, 2009 at 11:47pm

Jak,
I feel sad that you have this inhospitable situation in your own family. I too have hurdles to overcome, both with Paganism, Shamanism and environmental and health issues. Sometimes we are faced with our own blood relations either demeaning us for our beliefs or practices, or ridiculing us for these same ideas.
This can be heartbreaking, if we forget that each of us can only see what we know. Your 'rents and sibs may never find a path to where you are now. Sadly, that means that they will never understand where you are with your beliefs. Luckily, there is no requirement for them to do so.

It just makes it harder to find a safe supportive place to be yourself. My own experiences have led me to find support outside my blood relations. Ironically, there were witches, shamen, midwives and fortune tellers in my family tree for generations before the most recent ones who shunned the old ways. Most of us are from families that have some sort of tie to the ways we are rediscovering through our practices.

Be patient with them and realize that they cannot help themselves. The type of openness and permeability that our ways embrace are very scary for folks who have shut themselves off from experiences that may occasionally be painful, but that also bring great awareness and insight. It sounds unforgivable that they would use such harsh and insensitive words to shut your beliefs out of their awareness, but it only points out their own failings. Retardation is just a failure to develop, and they have proved their own intransigence through word and deed.

I wish you well, and pray that you will find support outside the "family". I only began to realize what being fully supported feels like after my best efforts to save a doomed relationship had failed and the Lord and Lady provided a beautiful new relationship which continues to amaze me. I cannot say enough that what you have inside trumps any and all physical limitations. But you know all too well how hard it can be to be misunderstood.

Peace brother, and Blessings along your path, Namaste' Tony

PS I like taking the tack of telling them, "I may not believe your faith tradition, or your practices, but I respect them." (If you can truly find a way to see it from that perspective) Then you will be on firm ground to ask them for the same respect for your beliefs. If you look into any of the mainline religions, most of their traditions and practices were stolen from the ancient ones, the Pagans, and the other practitioners of the craft.

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Permalink Reply by Balor The Huntress~Warrior on March 27, 2009 at 12:14am

You guys are so awesome !!!


Thats all I gots to say !!! *Smiles*

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Permalink Reply by d'Arqstar on March 27, 2009 at 12:37am

LOL! You're FAR from alone! My nephew just had a son and my sister was telling the infant about his "wacky" great aunt! LOL! Eh? I figure they're entitled to believe as they will and they know enough about me to know that I don't give a rat's patootie about what THEY think. Our beliefs are entirely personal and the support I get from friends whose opinions I value MORE than my family's is sufficient for me. Perhaps another reason for the hermetic dictum, "work in silence" is because of the futility of trying to explain our beliefs to those who will not hear us, or take the time to listen. I know that it's frustrating, but you have to weigh your frustration and disappointment in your family against the joy that YOUR beliefs bring you. As long as your beliefs outweigh the negativity...better to keep quiet around them and find those here or in your community who understand if not share your beliefs.
You don't agree with your family's beliefs, they shouldn't have to agree with yours.
(tricky business this, eh? LOL!)
BB
d'Arqstar

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