In the last few years, I have had a bit of a crisis of faith. I started my journey into the world of paganism 12 years ago. I remember feeling a sense of mystery, wonderment and awe at the enchanting world of The Goddess. I used to love sitting under the trees, listening to nature and feeling my soul mix and churn with the energies therein. I used to meditate almost daily, read and reread piles of books on wicca and paganism and all around have a sense of belonging.
Within the last three or so years, I've lost a lot of who I am. I believe that woman is still there, just buried beneath a host of trauma and issues. I want to feel that spark of belonging again, but I don't have the slightest clue where to start. I've tried meditating, but I have such a hard time clearing my head now, I think partially due to anxiety disorder and a lot of stress lately. I've tried reading the books I still have, but it's hard to read the same things you've read countless other times in countless other books, only slightly varied. I've even tried learning about other pagan paths, like Asatru for example, in hopes that one of them will bring back that spark.
Has anyone else been through this? Is there any advise you could give me to help me find my religion again? Anything anyone could offer would be appreciated.
What happened that made it a crisis? We often ask ourselves whats wrong with you? Now i have learned its not about whats wrong with you but what happened to you?
Its a long story but I'll try to keep it to the short version. After high school i moved in with a guy who turned me into something i hate, and i couldnt get away from him. Many years later i found him dead, suicide, which lead to a change in scenery to another state. There i found myself udderly alone, completely depressed and just downright miserable from the previous problems. Since then I've just been trying to find a home, find myself again and live life like i wanted in the first place. Its lead to some stupid decisions but at least I'm trying now.
Hello , Becky...
So , first thing...according to your profile , you are 24...if this is true , put together
with your statement you started your journey into paganism 12 years ago , then
you must take into account the endorphin level when you began your life mystical
journey , and the cycle you are presently in...
For a woman , in Pythogorean tradition , you are in your last third of your varied
Saturn / Youth cycle , which brings up all sorts of things and questions regarding
time , space , relationships , and dealings with the physical world...
Now , I could not , nor would not , ever help someone reconnect with a "religion" as
I believe religion , in it's true meaning as an *organized system of so called spirituality
based on dogma and misapplied information" to be detrimental to one's growth , I would
further encourage you to seek your answers , in nature , yet not necessarily gentle , nurturing
aspects of nature , yet the wild , the unknown , the storms , the raw , the pure energy of
that which most would avoid out of fear , or timidity...
That shall awaken the primal again , within you ...
Further , look into aspects and information on soul retrieval...soul loss can happen to so
many , yet they are rarely aware of it's manifestation , until long after the fact...
Be well , and prosper...do the work necessary...
And remember the great motto :
( google )
Maybe embrace the change. You can evolve your spiritual beliefs. Have you looked elsewhere on that?
I have a little, looked into Norse paganism. I am of scandinavian descent so i thought something that held to my roots might help me find it again, but it feels like Norse paganism hold some believes that i find it hard to hold to, and it also seemed a bit...constricting sometimes in ehat they believe. I've always thought of myself as an ecclectic wiccan, i dont like binding ot constricting dogma to tell me what i can and cant do or tell me what i should or shouldnt believe in. That makes it kind of hard to follow other paths, as many of them are a bit like that.
I don't blame you. I am not a fan of organized religion either. Wicca is more about right practice than beliefs, anyway. I don't like religions that demand you have to believe a certain way.
I feel more tied down b/c of religion, not free b/c of religion. But Satanism was a pretty fun path. It's how I came across SIN JONES, and isn't she fun. Smart woman with lots of smart ideas.
So ill share with you an experience that happened to me. Several years ago I began dating this girl, at first it seemed to me that she was mildly in tune with her spiritual side, she seemed interested in my views on metaphysics etc. After dating we became very serious and we moved in together. Later the wrapping begins to unravel and I come to find that she is actually christian, now I don't have any problem with religion but in many ways this began to challenge our relationship, she began to look down upon my ideas of spirituality and she drew further and further away from me. Eventually this girl I had devoted several years to broke up with me on Christmas day. Obviously this upset me greatly, I mean what a time to do something like that right?! So there after I became very depressed and became very hermit like, never wanted to go anywhere or do anything with anyone. And slowly I began to loose sight of my passions. I stopped playing my guitar, I stopped reading books, I stopped working out and meditating, I stopped doing everything. And it took me sometime to figure out for my self what I needed, but in the end that's exactly what happened...I figured it out myself, I didn't need a shrink, or friends to make me feel better or cope. What I did instead was unorthodox to many. I decided to take a venture out into the wilderness by myself for 3 days(was my plan), I wanted to reconnect and I knew I couldn't do that in my room that much was clear to me. I had no idea what I was going to encounter or feel I just had hopes! So I packed food and clothes and a journal with a few other supplies and took off out into the forests of central Texas. I dont know what I was expecting to find, but I knew I was searching for my self again. To make a long story short I broke down and felt alone on this journey of mine and called out...in my mind, in my heart, with my voice I called out for guidance, for support, for love! and something answered and that's an understatement. More like a great many somethings answered. And in short I communed, I ended up spending a whole week out there submerging my self in nature and communing with many things..spirits of the forest, my ancestors, gods and goddesses, animal, my own inner child...a great many things! When I came back I was ready to start anew! And I did, and it turned a whole new page in my life! and to get to the point, I understand how allowing someone in your life who may not be right for you can really bog you down and you can loose yourself especially in the aftermath of such a tragedy as you spoke of. But my experience was that in order to find myself and feel better I didn't need to surround my self with other people I did just the opposite and lost my self in nature which is where I believe many of these Entities we try to commune with on our pagan paths reside...I don't know if this will help you at all but it greatly helped me, I hope the best for you and may light shine upon you! Many Blessings!
I would absolutely love to do that, I think it would prove to be very insightful for me, but I don't have a car, and with money being so tight, it's hard to find the time. I thought that, maybe, I could still try to find that sort of connection without having to leaving, but, as I'm sure you know, it proves to be difficult trying to find that in my room lol
I literally woke up one morning and realized that everything I was, was based on what others WANTED me to be.
So what I can tell you, based on what I went through, is sit down, take a breath and then start taking an inventory of who you are vs. who you WANT to be and then how you are going to get to the latter. "belonging" starts with understanding yourself.