How Do I Handle My Daughter????????
I do not understand my eldest daughter...She calls her dad who is only her stepdad, all the time...She does'nt call me, or she she answers and says she will call me back, she never does...I text her she does'nt respond...I do not understand what in the hell I did to her this time...Before I go any further, She Is A Christian...I have not been the best Mom, in fact, every mistake you can make, I made with her...I am really getting tired of walking on eggshells...It seems as though she only wants something to do with me when I am doing what she thinks I should be doing...I just needed to vent...
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Alice on -
Well thats a good thing ..So she still comes to you for that ...You haven't lost her then ,,, She is just busy and i bet you are stating to go threw the change ..We take things wrong when we start that .. So just hang in there she needs you .. I always said you got to forgive them for every thing till they get in their 30's or so ..Remember how busy you were at her age with children ? Then you have to forgive them always ..They are still our little girls ..Bless be Lady Hawk :)
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Permalink Reply by Lisa Logan on -
True enough, Hecate'sLady. I know my daughters managed to do so, and of my seven children, the two currently estranged are GUESS WHAT? daughters. All the kids went through their rebellions and such, but came around in their own time. I'm hoping these two will as well. And yeah, in the midst of it the kids were happy to talk to their stepdad, the big "jerk" noone could stand. I believe that's called "passive aggressive" behavior. They got to me silently by cutting me out and including him. (Plus they got to keep tabs on what was going on with the house, since they didn't truly want to let go of it.)
Yes, it's very painful. Yes, it's hard letting go. You feel like there's a little dark hole in your heart where they pulled out of it. But it does get better, and I personally found it easier to let go with love than to keep trying to reach out and get slapped down. Mystically, I've found that energy cures and work done in my home's "family area" has helped salve wounds and mend fences, sometimes with dramatic results. So this year I'm going farther and establishing a family altar in this area (feng shui tradition) and doing some energy cures and spellwork directed to my two "stray lambs" still lost to their mama. (I often combine feng shui magic with other magic.) With Imbolc coming, and with it a time of rebirth and awakening, mayhaps this is a good time for strong, positive energy toward our wayward girls.
Blessings and positive thoughts be with you...
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Permalink Reply by Amethyst Sunshine on -
I seem to have something of the opposite problem. It’s no secret that my mother and I have not always gotten along very well. In fact, the only times we do seem to get along is when we’re nowhere near each other. Due to nothing but stupidity on my own part, I ended up living with my parents for the majority of my son’s life and for the first year and a half of my daughter’s. (My children are 10 years apart) Now that I’m finally getting myself to the place I want to be as an independent woman and mother I try to connect with my own mother on a different level, but it feels like I’m getting met with resistance. The only time I hear from my mother is when I call or email her, she never takes it upon herself to call me unless it’s something that needs immediate attention. I know I was hard on her while I was growing up, always a true daddy’s girl, but it feels like she’s choosing now to really start taking it out on me, just when I’ve finally grown up enough to appreciate her and want to get to know her not only as my mother, but as a woman. I know this is the complete opposite of what all the other mothers here are saying, but as a daughter, I urge you not to shut her out, it just may be that there is something going on in her life that she really needs her mother for and just hasn’t realized it yet. BB-Amethyst
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Permalink Reply by Johnny CThulhu on -
I've found that pushing people away is the best way to bring them to you. Forcing people to be with you is the best way to push them away.
Just a thought.
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Permalink Reply by xenosapience on -
fireproof gloves?
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on -
My mom and I went through something similar. In my situation, my mother was overprotective, sheltering, controlling and easy to anger. I never felt I was doing the right thing around her and so I didn't want to be around her and her negativity. (nothing about you, though)
After high school she demanded I pay rent (1/3 of the total rent) and that I had to be home and in bed with lights out by 10 pm (I never had a curfew before). This amount of absurdity made us fight and bicker. Eventually she told me she was sick and tired of me treating her like a 2nd class citizen and kicked me out. I crashed at my friends for a couple weeks, got my own apartment and didn't talk to her for about 3-4 months. Time I needed to heal old wounds and to grow independent and become an individual. She called and called and callled. She had my cell phone number, my work number and she would drop me emails. Nice at first but when I didn't respond they became angrier and angrier until they stopped coming. After both of us were able to cool off, we had a truce. Our relationship slowly came back. Then I got pregnant and in the midst of my panic at being an unwed mother at 20, she kept pressuring me to keep a child I wouldn't be able to take care of. She sicked her bible thumping best friend on me who swore to me that God had implanted a fetus in my womb as a sign of prosperity and if I gave the baby up I was spitting in God's face. I told my mom that I came to her for support in my time of trial and not to be judged and ordered around. The baby did not make it and my mother and I were on rocky terms afterwards. We're doing better now, but its always a hit and miss. Sometimes I can talk to her for 30 minutes and other times I can't go past 30 seconds.
Sorry my story was so long... but I hope it helps you see the complexity from both a mother's perspective and also a daughter's. I hope that when I have a daughter, that I can bypass the emotional drama. LOL.
I hope everything works out for the best. Brightest Blessings!
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Permalink Reply by LadyHawk on -
I do understand your delima...The relationships between mothers and daughters are always somewhat turbulent...Thank you for sharing your story :)
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Permalink Reply by Oktobersnest on -
I know exactly how you feel LadyHawk! I raised my daughter & son by myself. When problems would arise, I'd get in touch with their dad and he would just laugh it off. I had my hands full with both of them and he offered no help whatsoever. My daughter is always running to her dad for everything except when she needs money. Then she comes to mom as she knows he won't help her. He didn't even pay for her wedding. I did. I gave my all to her, but she said I was too strict when she was growing up. It's because I worked two jobs to keep a roof over our heads & food. They both had responsibilities of keeping our apt. clean. I had a house, but had to sell it as ex wanted half. And we had to move into apt. Originally we owned a house & sold it, split the money. He blew his half, I bought another house for kids. Then he came back into my life, we remarried, he made sure his name was on house & 6 mos later wanted divorce. So that's why I had to sell house & move into apt. I hardly ever hear from her now as she knows she owes me money, and doesn't want to pay it back. I tried getting close to her but she has issues with me because at 16 she became pregnant. It was her choice to have an abortion and I had nothing to say. Son ended up on drugs & alcohol. So, apparently my being strict and having a curfew on them didn't work very well. My heart goes out to you because I know the hurt. Hugs :-)
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