Last night I brought something to a head that has been brewing for a long, long time. I took control of a situation and I'm not sure that I should have. I think it needed to be done but I'm not sure if it was the right time.
Over the past three and a half years (of my relationship with my fiance') there has been a sort of battle between his best girl friend and I. She did not like me from day one and then he vented to her about some mental health issues I was having and that has made me irredeemable in her eyes. (To be blunt, I have/ had borderline personality disorder. I had a short fuse and was occasionally violent. The worst I ever did was cry all night, threaten suicide and hit him once with a glass bottle, which did not break or cause any marks.) I have gotten a lot better since then. I hardly, if ever, raise my voice and do not act out in unusual ways anymore. He has told her that I have changed and she will still not reconsider giving me another chance. He has asked this of her multiple times and she has not given an inch.
Aside from that, she hasn't been the best friend to him that she ought to be. She hardly even talks to him or answers his phone calls, then makes up an excuse that she was just too busy. She has stood him up more than once. She will disappear for months at a time and then come back and butter him up with a trip somewhere. It all came to a head last March when he told me, during a fight, that he had masturbated to scantily clad photos of her, which are plastered all over her MySpace and FB accounts. (Well, she is a stripper.) Just prior to that, she had asked him to go on a cross-country trip to CA with her and share a hotel room. She has a boyfriend of her own. Why would she invite someone else's? Why not make it a couples' vacation?
A few days ago, he wrote her what is supposed to be a final ultimatum: Make nice with my girl or get out of my life. She made it clear that she had no intention of trying to reach a resolution with me. His intial reaction was anger of couse but then he said something about not wanting to piss her off more. "Why do you care?", I asked, "She clearly does not care about how you feel and what you want."... I told him that he needed to drop the axe because she has made her decison. She would rather lose his friendship than work on forming a little one with me. He keeps telling me not to take it so personal. How am I supposed to take it?
Anyway, long story short, I had access to his social networking accounts last night and I deleted her from his friends list. I don't him before I did it that I was tempted and he said that he didn't care. ...Now I feel aweful. I just wanted her gone and out of my sphere. I wanted it to be over. It's been going on for too long anyway. He seems a little bit upset but says that he will be fine; he just needs some time to cool down.
What should I do or not do? What should I say?