LMFAO Stupid instructions
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestions: Defrost.
*Hmmmm, I think I'll eat it the way it is."
Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down.
*Too late.*
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
*Whose body?*
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
*We could do a lot to stop traffic accidents if we keep those 5 year olds away from the forklifts*
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
*Well I should hope so.*
On most brands of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
*As opposed to outer space?*
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
*Ok, i gotta know what is the other use?*
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
*OMG! No way!*
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
*Destroying childhood dreams, one costume at a time*
On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
*Raise your hand if you have tried this*
On a toboggan:
Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.
On a knife sharpener:
Caution: knives are sharp.
On shin pads for cyclists:
Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
On a take away coffee cup:
Caution: Hot beverages are hot.
*Oh is that why they are called hot beverages? I didn't know that.*
Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:
In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.
In a microwave oven manual:
Do not use for drying pets.
*Ok that is just scary.*
On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:
Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.
On the bottom of a cola bottle:
Do not open here.
On a Harry Potter wizards broom:
This broom does not actually fly.
On a box of aspirin:
Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a bottle of laundry detergent:
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
On a muffin packet:
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
*There is no way anyone could screw this one up, with step by step instructions*
In a kettle instruction manual:
The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.
On a ketchup bottle:
Instructions: Put on food.
On a bottle of rum:
Open bottle before drinking.
*I was planning on absorbing it through osmosis.*
A car park sign:
Entrance only. Do not enter.
*Wait a second.........what?!?!*
A sign in a street in Hong Kong:
Beware of people.
*Oh yes, i feel very safe now.*
Rules on a tram in Prague:
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.
*We will bring you back to life and condem you to death!*
Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:
Take care: new non-slip surface.
On a can of air freshener:
For use by trained personnel only.
On a bottle of baby lotion:
Keep away from children.
On a pair of socks bought in egypt:
Do not wash.
*Yeah just buy a new pair!*
That's why we are all broke!*
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:
Some assembly required.
*I was hoping it would just put itself together.*
On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:
May irritate eyes.
*MWAHAHAHAHA......... good.*
On a Frisbee:
Warning: may contain small parts.
*Really? They must be microscopic.*
In a car handbook:
In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.
On a packet of cashew nut pieces:
Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.
Directions for mosquito repellant:
Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.
On a birthday card for a one year old:
Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.
In a hotel bedroom:
Please do not turn on TV except when in use.
In a lift in a Japanese hotel:
Push this button in case anything happens.
On a toilet cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.
On a can of Spray paint:
Do not spray in your face.
On a TV remote:
Not Dishwasher safe.
On a blowtorch:
Not used for drying hair.
On a washing machine inn a launderette:
No small children.
On a bottle of hair dye:
Do not use as Ice Cream topping.
On a push along lawn mower:
Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.
On a box of fireworks:
Do not put in mouth.
On the packaging for a wrist watch:
Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.
In a dishwasher manual:
Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.
On a toaster:
Do not use underwater.
On a mattress:
Do not attempt to swallow.
*oh yes, cause I'm really gonna attempt to swallow a mattress. Must be one of those cravings you when PMS!"
On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestions: Defrost.
*Hmmmm, I think I'll eat it the way it is."
Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down.
*Too late.*
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
*Whose body?*
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
*We could do a lot to stop traffic accidents if we keep those 5 year olds away from the forklifts*
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
*Well I should hope so.*
On most brands of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
*As opposed to outer space?*
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
*Ok, i gotta know what is the other use?*
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
*OMG! No way!*
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
*Destroying childhood dreams, one costume at a time*
On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
*Raise your hand if you have tried this*
On a toboggan:
Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.
On a knife sharpener:
Caution: knives are sharp.
On shin pads for cyclists:
Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
On a take away coffee cup:
Caution: Hot beverages are hot.
*Oh is that why they are called hot beverages? I didn't know that.*
Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:
In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.
In a microwave oven manual:
Do not use for drying pets.
*Ok that is just scary.*
On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:
Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.
On the bottom of a cola bottle:
Do not open here.
On a Harry Potter wizards broom:
This broom does not actually fly.
On a box of aspirin:
Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a bottle of laundry detergent:
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
On a muffin packet:
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
*There is no way anyone could screw this one up, with step by step instructions*
In a kettle instruction manual:
The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.
On a ketchup bottle:
Instructions: Put on food.
On a bottle of rum:
Open bottle before drinking.
*I was planning on absorbing it through osmosis.*
A car park sign:
Entrance only. Do not enter.
*Wait a second.........what?!?!*
A sign in a street in Hong Kong:
Beware of people.
*Oh yes, i feel very safe now.*
Rules on a tram in Prague:
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.
*We will bring you back to life and condem you to death!*
Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:
Take care: new non-slip surface.
On a can of air freshener:
For use by trained personnel only.
On a bottle of baby lotion:
Keep away from children.
On a pair of socks bought in egypt:
Do not wash.
*Yeah just buy a new pair!*
That's why we are all broke!*
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:
Some assembly required.
*I was hoping it would just put itself together.*
On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:
May irritate eyes.
*MWAHAHAHAHA......... good.*
On a Frisbee:
Warning: may contain small parts.
*Really? They must be microscopic.*
In a car handbook:
In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.
On a packet of cashew nut pieces:
Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.
Directions for mosquito repellant:
Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.
On a birthday card for a one year old:
Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.
In a hotel bedroom:
Please do not turn on TV except when in use.
In a lift in a Japanese hotel:
Push this button in case anything happens.
On a toilet cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.
On a can of Spray paint:
Do not spray in your face.
On a TV remote:
Not Dishwasher safe.
On a blowtorch:
Not used for drying hair.
On a washing machine inn a launderette:
No small children.
On a bottle of hair dye:
Do not use as Ice Cream topping.
On a push along lawn mower:
Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.
On a box of fireworks:
Do not put in mouth.
On the packaging for a wrist watch:
Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.
In a dishwasher manual:
Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.
On a toaster:
Do not use underwater.
On a mattress:
Do not attempt to swallow.
*oh yes, cause I'm really gonna attempt to swallow a mattress. Must be one of those cravings you when PMS!"
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by By the Beat of My Own Drum on -
My Gods what idiots the world has to require such lawyer-proofing everything.
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Permalink Reply by Cindy A. on -
In order for there to be warnings, someone has to have attempted these, lmao!!!
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Permalink Reply by Angel Silverstein on -
LOL!!!
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Permalink Reply by Angel Silverstein on
-
I know this is supposed to be funny, but it's very sad to think that there are humans out there who NEED warning labels like these! And even some of the warnings are idiotic.
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Permalink Reply by AlanHeartsong on -
I think some of the warnings are because of some litigation-happy idiots out there, like the famous case about the guy who burned his crotch when coffee from McD's spilled on his lap after he went over a speed bump.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if some idiot ironed clothes while wearing them, or some of the other crazy stuff listed there.
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Permalink Reply by Angel Silverstein on
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Alan, that makes a lot of sense! I know certain people do really stupid things, but that list (I'm sure there are a lot more warning labels not covered on that list) is really out there!
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Permalink Reply by Oakson Shaman on -
On some car batteries - Do not drink contents !!! WTF ?
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Permalink Reply by Oakson Shaman on
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Some folk just want to make you cuddle a toaster in the bath ! LOL
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Permalink Reply by Angel Silverstein on
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LOL!!!
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Permalink Reply by Kalessehuine on -
"Do not attempt to swallow."
Hmmm, since it's on a mattress, perhaps the swallowing warning pertains to other things....
I think my favorite is the fireworks one. Although, if someone's dumb enough to put things that explode violently in their mouth, then attempt to light it, I say give them their Darwin award. They deserve it.
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Permalink Reply by Angel Silverstein on
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LOL!!! I agree!!!
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