LMFAO Stupid instructions
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestions: Defrost.
*Hmmmm, I think I'll eat it the way it is."
Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down.
*Too late.*
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
*Whose body?*
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
*We could do a lot to stop traffic accidents if we keep those 5 year olds away from the forklifts*
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
*Well I should hope so.*
On most brands of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
*As opposed to outer space?*
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
*Ok, i gotta know what is the other use?*
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
*OMG! No way!*
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
*Destroying childhood dreams, one costume at a time*
On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
*Raise your hand if you have tried this*
On a toboggan:
Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.
On a knife sharpener:
Caution: knives are sharp.
On shin pads for cyclists:
Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
On a take away coffee cup:
Caution: Hot beverages are hot.
*Oh is that why they are called hot beverages? I didn't know that.*
Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:
In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.
In a microwave oven manual:
Do not use for drying pets.
*Ok that is just scary.*
On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:
Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.
On the bottom of a cola bottle:
Do not open here.
On a Harry Potter wizards broom:
This broom does not actually fly.
On a box of aspirin:
Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a bottle of laundry detergent:
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
On a muffin packet:
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
*There is no way anyone could screw this one up, with step by step instructions*
In a kettle instruction manual:
The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.
On a ketchup bottle:
Instructions: Put on food.
On a bottle of rum:
Open bottle before drinking.
*I was planning on absorbing it through osmosis.*
A car park sign:
Entrance only. Do not enter.
*Wait a second.........what?!?!*
A sign in a street in Hong Kong:
Beware of people.
*Oh yes, i feel very safe now.*
Rules on a tram in Prague:
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.
*We will bring you back to life and condem you to death!*
Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:
Take care: new non-slip surface.
On a can of air freshener:
For use by trained personnel only.
On a bottle of baby lotion:
Keep away from children.
On a pair of socks bought in egypt:
Do not wash.
*Yeah just buy a new pair!*
That's why we are all broke!*
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:
Some assembly required.
*I was hoping it would just put itself together.*
On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:
May irritate eyes.
*MWAHAHAHAHA......... good.*
On a Frisbee:
Warning: may contain small parts.
*Really? They must be microscopic.*
In a car handbook:
In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.
On a packet of cashew nut pieces:
Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.
Directions for mosquito repellant:
Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.
On a birthday card for a one year old:
Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.
In a hotel bedroom:
Please do not turn on TV except when in use.
In a lift in a Japanese hotel:
Push this button in case anything happens.
On a toilet cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.
On a can of Spray paint:
Do not spray in your face.
On a TV remote:
Not Dishwasher safe.
On a blowtorch:
Not used for drying hair.
On a washing machine inn a launderette:
No small children.
On a bottle of hair dye:
Do not use as Ice Cream topping.
On a push along lawn mower:
Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.
On a box of fireworks:
Do not put in mouth.
On the packaging for a wrist watch:
Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.
In a dishwasher manual:
Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.
On a toaster:
Do not use underwater.
On a mattress:
Do not attempt to swallow.
*oh yes, cause I'm really gonna attempt to swallow a mattress. Must be one of those cravings you when PMS!"
On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestions: Defrost.
*Hmmmm, I think I'll eat it the way it is."
Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down.
*Too late.*
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
*Whose body?*
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
*We could do a lot to stop traffic accidents if we keep those 5 year olds away from the forklifts*
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
*Well I should hope so.*
On most brands of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
*As opposed to outer space?*
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
*Ok, i gotta know what is the other use?*
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
*OMG! No way!*
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
*Destroying childhood dreams, one costume at a time*
On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
*Raise your hand if you have tried this*
On a toboggan:
Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.
On a knife sharpener:
Caution: knives are sharp.
On shin pads for cyclists:
Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
On a take away coffee cup:
Caution: Hot beverages are hot.
*Oh is that why they are called hot beverages? I didn't know that.*
Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:
In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.
In a microwave oven manual:
Do not use for drying pets.
*Ok that is just scary.*
On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:
Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.
On the bottom of a cola bottle:
Do not open here.
On a Harry Potter wizards broom:
This broom does not actually fly.
On a box of aspirin:
Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a bottle of laundry detergent:
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
On a muffin packet:
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
*There is no way anyone could screw this one up, with step by step instructions*
In a kettle instruction manual:
The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.
On a ketchup bottle:
Instructions: Put on food.
On a bottle of rum:
Open bottle before drinking.
*I was planning on absorbing it through osmosis.*
A car park sign:
Entrance only. Do not enter.
*Wait a second.........what?!?!*
A sign in a street in Hong Kong:
Beware of people.
*Oh yes, i feel very safe now.*
Rules on a tram in Prague:
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.
*We will bring you back to life and condem you to death!*
Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:
Take care: new non-slip surface.
On a can of air freshener:
For use by trained personnel only.
On a bottle of baby lotion:
Keep away from children.
On a pair of socks bought in egypt:
Do not wash.
*Yeah just buy a new pair!*
That's why we are all broke!*
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:
Some assembly required.
*I was hoping it would just put itself together.*
On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:
May irritate eyes.
*MWAHAHAHAHA......... good.*
On a Frisbee:
Warning: may contain small parts.
*Really? They must be microscopic.*
In a car handbook:
In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.
On a packet of cashew nut pieces:
Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.
Directions for mosquito repellant:
Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.
On a birthday card for a one year old:
Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.
In a hotel bedroom:
Please do not turn on TV except when in use.
In a lift in a Japanese hotel:
Push this button in case anything happens.
On a toilet cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.
On a can of Spray paint:
Do not spray in your face.
On a TV remote:
Not Dishwasher safe.
On a blowtorch:
Not used for drying hair.
On a washing machine inn a launderette:
No small children.
On a bottle of hair dye:
Do not use as Ice Cream topping.
On a push along lawn mower:
Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.
On a box of fireworks:
Do not put in mouth.
On the packaging for a wrist watch:
Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.
In a dishwasher manual:
Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.
On a toaster:
Do not use underwater.
On a mattress:
Do not attempt to swallow.
*oh yes, cause I'm really gonna attempt to swallow a mattress. Must be one of those cravings you when PMS!"
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