Hey everyone... I need some advice and support from anyone who has dealt with living with a drunk. My husband and I recently had to move back in with my parents because of our financial situation. In years past, my mom always enjoyed a glass of wine or a beer on the weekends, but little did I know that it had escalated from a weekend treat to a full-blown problem!
She gets home around 5:30 PM and starts drinking and doesn't stop until 9:30 or 10:00 PM. She gets really nasty when she's drinking--starting fights over little petty stuff and acting outright ugly to everyone in the house. It's very stressful. My dad refuses to talk about it and other family members (my aunts and uncles) get off easy by saying that they 'don't want to get involved'.
She will be retiring for good in November, and I just know things will get worse... She will be home all day and will probably start drinking earlier and earlier. I appreciate my parents for all of the kindnesses they have done for me in the past when hard times have hit me, but I can't deal with this. I have accepted the fact that she will have to recognize that she has a problem on her own and will have to want to seek help on her own--no one can make her get help. I have also accepted the fact that I may have to not speak to her for a while after we move out--and that when that happens, I may be the only one with the guts to administer a little tough love.
I'm not sure what to do for the moment... Avoiding her is hard and being around her after I get home from work is a nightmare. My husband has said he'd rather sleep in a ditch than live under a roof with my mom and her craziness. The truth is that we really have nowhere else we can go--we're living on $1100 a month and no other family or friends are in a position to take us in.
I'm lost and I'm going crazy. I hope some of you guys can offer some wisdom on this.
It might be worth your while to contact alanon.. not for her but for you.. there are groups that specifically deal with children and family members of alcoholics .. as you say she is in denial but her problem extends to other family members.. best of luck to you and don't let her bring you down.. there is help out there for people in your situation..
something called rehab, and theres also places that provide counseling. Look into that.
Sounds like depression leading to alcoholism, you can try to intervene... but less the person is willing to change little can be done.
Something has to spark them to change, sometimes it's an event, sometimes it a person, and sometimes it's the smallest thing.
You can't do anything but try, and then ultimately leave people to make their own choices.
hi I've been sober for 24 years and the best advice I ever got on dealing with alcoholics is for the people in thier lives go to Al ANON it might help you and theres nothing better than talking to people who are in your shoes.rehab only works if you think you have a problem and want to change
Let me be the Devil's advocate for a moment.
Have it ever occurred to you that you and your husband are the reason she is acting this way?She's used to just her and your dad right?Perhaps she has vented to your dad and other family that that is the reason and thus why they don't want to get involved.
Everyone thinks they aren't a problem but the truth may be you guys just aren't compatible to live together.
So she'd rather harm herself like this than to ask them to find another place? Is this some "self-sacrificing lady" trope? Not that I have the impression it's working, but still.
I've had adult family live with me.After awhile it does get a little much sometimes.
I would drop hints that they needed to find other accommodations but either they didn't get it or just didn't care.I've also self medicated with alcohol with the hopes that it may make things more bearable but that tended to just make me say things more bluntly.
Perhaps Michelle should catch her mom in a moment of sobriety act like an adult and ask what's the issue.
I have tried to talk to her about it and here's what I get: "I'm an adult and I'll do what I want in my house!"
What was it, that keeps non-Catholics (I call this behaviour Catholic for obvious reasons, sorry) from saying "listen, this situation is unbearable, we have to change things, I can't do this anymore", or something equally obvious?
Maybe her mom has said this.And this is the acting ugly towards everyone in the house she is perceiving.
Honestly though this is just conjecture.I don't know what she has said as it was left out of this thread.
I would do what Wyrd suggested first, if she says that everything is fine, get with ANON, also maybe film her when she's drunk and being nasty to everone. She may not realize how she is acting and how it looks. Could make her realize she's a nasty drunk and it's harming someone else besides herself, it's a Mom thing to protect her children from harm, no matter their age, so it may make her wake up to the problem.