Pagan Sexuality

I've been here awhile, as many of you know. I've blogged and posted, chatted and discussed, and have generally attempted in my own struggling way to be a constructive member of this site which I love so well. And I've observed almost every thread of communication that goes on here.

That being said, I've been struck by a seeming polarization that involves those who are seemingly free in their sexual self-expression and those who, for lack of a better term, seem more "puritanical" and, yes, even fearful of that kind of creative expression. And so I ponder...

I did not grow up in an environment that encouraged sexual dialogue. My family was Baptist, Gods help me. When I reached the age that sexual feelings awakened in me, I had nowhere to turn to gain any understanding. When my parents discovered that my artistic expressions included sketching nudes they told me it was "dirty", "wrong", "sinful". And let's not even talk about masturbation, that was an issue that could tear any adolescent apart at the seams ("you've been in the shower almost an hour! get out, already!")

Well, I'm older now (obviously), and have had a great deal of time to sort out these issues. When, with relief, I discovered my Pagan core, it released much of the pent-up emotional stresses involving sex, and I've felt lighter in this regard as time goes on. I've seen more clearly each day that our sexuality is an innate and holy part of us, a Power that we use not only to continue our species, but to provide a link to the Divine in that self-abandonment that can be achieved in few other ways.

So it makes me shake my head in wonder as I see fellow-Pagans expressing opinions that, to me, echo the same puritanical repression of my Baptist upbringing. I won't judge, it's not my place. But I see that many of us still hold on to those crushing, limiting mindsets which were ingrained in our guilt-consciousness long ago.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating an irresponsible mass orgy with no thought or care. We live in an age in which fear and repression, combined with the inevitable hedonistic backlash (remember the Balance, my fellow Druids!) has produced HIV, STD's, broken relationships and families, and consequences to many too mention that haunt and tarnish that which should be sacred and joyful.

But this isn't about the act of sex. It's about our sexuality, part of the core of our Being. When I see fingers pointed by members here who call others "indecent", "slutty", etc. it just brings back the pain of growing up in an environment that denied what is beautiful and bright within us.

And it's too early in the morning, and I talk too much lol. Any thoughts?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Arachneh on February 13, 2009 at 4:59am: A dancing Druid is a happy Druid. ;)

(BTW, ask this dirt-witch sometime about your golden sickles! I've figured it out, I think. :D ); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Fionn oMurchu on February 13, 2009 at 6:03am: Very well, I'm asking...:); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Arachneh on February 13, 2009 at 7:41am: Okay . . . small digression . . . being a long-time gardener, I always wondered about cutting mistletoe with golden sickles. I don't know of much of anything that isn't best cut with steel, preferably courtesy the local hardware store --- and we're a bit far north for the native American variety of mistletoe, so I had no field experience there.

Then, one Christmas, a relative brought up a bag of native mistletoe from southwest Virginia, and proceeded to tell us how the locals harvest it out of the trees with (seriously) birdshot.
I thought, "what . . .?" then pulled some of the mistletoe out and handled it, and realized that it's very brittle when it's green --- it breaks easily at the stem junctions. So yes, if there were golden sickles, they'd properly work on misletoe. :); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Fionn oMurchu on February 13, 2009 at 8:26am: lol mine is bronze, actually. I loses its edge quickly, but once touched up is sharp enough to harvest the blue desert sage I use so frequently in my rituals and meditations. Mistletoe's a piece of cake :)

Harvesting mistletoe with birdshot? Sounds like one of those "You might be a redneck Pagan if..." jokes lol; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Arachneh on February 13, 2009 at 2:08pm: Harvesting mistletoe with birdshot? Sounds like one of those "You might be a redneck Pagan if..." jokes lol

Oh, it is --- believe me. :D

Tools of the trade, I guess. :); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Fionn oMurchu on February 13, 2009 at 7:07am: This is exactly the point of this discussion. Thank you, Dream!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Arachneh on February 13, 2009 at 7:05pm: The christian idea of sex is warped and twisted at any rate, but that doesnt mean that we who do not hold the christian view must be automatically "liberal" on the subject. Nor are we "puritanical".

Excellent point --- we had a similar discussion on political leanings and spirituality a while back.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Fionn oMurchu on February 16, 2009 at 7:38am: Well said, and so I question those who have problems with others' choices and expressions. The Balance is key here, but I think we upset the Balance when we judge another.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Amergin Coll O'Danann on February 14, 2009 at 2:30pm: I love when people are sexual, showing their body, admiring it. I'm still trying to reconcile healthy sexuality and dogmatic stuff sometimes literally smacked into me by my family. I have body issues anyway and that environment didn't help. Hearing your father say one group should burn in hell for being who they are, or touchingyourself is sinful yada ya messes with your mind more then any magazine.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Fionn oMurchu on February 16, 2009 at 7:34am: Love your post. Dogma is a killer, and prevents growth. Whenever someone says "this is the way it is, written in stone, and it can't be changed" I have to smile. That which does not change dies. It's a law of the universe. Meanwhile, my friend, I admire your courage and love of life. Blessings to you :); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Lady Adara on February 15, 2009 at 4:27pm: Dear Fionn:

I think the puritanical views stem from the fact that many people are still hung up or haunted by the judeo-christian ethics of their upbringing.

There may have been a shift in what they worship and how but the shift in paradigm is not as complete as they would like to think. This is evident not only in people's attitude towards sexual matters but to others as well.

Maybe it is a choice to retain certain views from their lives as non-pagans and maybe it is on a sub-conscience level. Maybe it is lack of knowledge of the roots of this mentality they have...

My personal opinion is to each his/her/their own.... I don't want to be told how I should view my sex life and I afford others the same.

Dark Blessings,

Adara; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Lady Amythyst Raine on February 15, 2009 at 4:55pm: My thoughts?...

My attitude toward sex and sexuality has always been very different from what our society considers the 'norm', that is the repressed puritanical attitudes forced on humanity by Christianity. This became blaringly evident when puberty and high school hit at the same time.

I began dating and very quickly realized that I was 'different'. My peers realized that I was different. Sex was such a natural act of expression for me that I couldn't understand the insane 'rules' that was suppose to govern that area of my life. At fifteen, when on a date with a boy named 'Sam', he took it upon himself to try and explain the rules to me, figuring no doubt that he was doing me a favor by enlightening me. He stated, in a very authoritative manner: "You wait about a week to hold hands, at least two weeks before you put your arm around a girl, another week or so before you hug, and you wait at least a month and a half before you kiss."

I remember sitting there, totally astonished and open mouthed, and when he was finished, I blurted out: "You measure out your feelings! That is so stupid!"

Needless to say, that was my last date with Sam. I didn't understand his code of ethics and he didn't understand my spontaneity. Stupid boy.

I am, umpteen years later, very married and very monogamous (by choice). I still, however, have a very different attitude toward sex than the conventional class of our society. I have never understood why women who enjoy sex, or who enjoy sex with multiple partners, are condemned and given names meant to degrade them. It has also scarred a large portion of our male population- those men who seek to have sex with a woman-- cajole, coax, beg, lie, flatter, and manipulate-- and then, once they've been intimate with their target, they turn on them in disgust-- and that was the very target they worked so hard to catch in the first place!

It's totally baffling to me.; ▶ Reply to This