Parents of teenagers.......HELP!

My daughter is 13 and has a boyfriend she talks to on the telephone. This week her boyfriends mom messaged and asked if she could go to the movies this weekend with his entire family. It would be his parents and younger siblings included. At first, I was in shock! I didn't think I would have to deal with anything like this so soon. She, of course, is begging to go, her father on the other hand is adament that she not be allowed. It all seems innocent enough...but, kids can be sneaky. I feel I could trust his parents so that's not the issue. Have any of you had to deal with this at this age, if so what did you do? I am stuck in the middle.

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Permalink Reply by Brahnwynn Chrysalis on April 8, 2009 at 5:47am: My daughter had a 'special friend' at 14 that was actually the older brother of a friend ofhers. I really liked this kids mother, and he seemed pretty clean cut. Anyway, my daughter, along with my son, would go to wild waves with this other family, they'd go to picnics, etc. It was all innocent enough.....or so I thought.

Alyssa was not allowed at that time to have a 'boyfriend'. While we were moving one day, and friends were helping us out, a friend came up to me and told me she caught my daughter kissing this boy, rather....umm....adamantly(?). Ok.....kids will do that....I get it.....

then we found a video on YouTube, posted by him, calling my daughter the most incredible 'woman' he has ever known, and asking her to marry him. Daddy and I were so creeped out, that we forbade him to ever speak to her again. He actually texteed me, said that my daighter was 'the cheese on his macaroni' among other things.

Oh, BTW, this boy was 17.

Lesson Learned.

Good Luck!!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Scarlet on April 8, 2009 at 8:21am: "the Cheeze on his macaroni"? Isn't that a line from the movie "Juno"?

Ok... creeeeepy. That movie was about a pregnant teen girl. And he thought that would convince you to LET him see her?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by SalixKat on April 8, 2009 at 9:01am: There's a world of difference between a 14 and a 17 year old. I think the ages there might have raised a red-flag to me.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by bella on April 8, 2009 at 7:30am: I think 13 is too young to "date" exclusively. Opens the door to many issues that a kid that age can't handle...let alone the grief they give us a parents. If you decide to allow this... I'd get to know the parents. That will show you more than your kid will tell you simply because at that age kids don't see the red flags...or don't want to.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by SalixKat on April 8, 2009 at 8:20am: I agree with this wholeheartedly.

While I wasn't "dating" that young, I DID go to a movie, unchaparoned, with a male friend when I was 13. My mom knew that nothing inappropriate would happen, and knowing I had that trust, I wasn't willing to do something go mess it up. When I was 16/17, my mom let me go camping with my boyfriend's family over the fourth of July weekend. I have to admit, it surprised the heck out of me that she let me go...but again, she trusted me, and his parents (who she didn't actually know that well.)

Why is her father so adamant that she not go? This seems like as "safe" a situation as you could ask for. She has to start somewhere.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ShadowDancer on April 8, 2009 at 7:57am: They are too young to date but I will tell you, you have to watch them. One of my girls lost her virginity at 13. She caved to peer pressure and lost her innocence behind the school. It wasnt what any parent would want for their kids first experience. She is the youngest and we had already taken measures with my son (who was 16 at the time)and had condoms available, no questions asked, thankfully she was smart enough to take advantage of them. Ironically, he didnt loose his virginity until he was 18.

I would talk to the parent personnally to make sure everything is on the up and up. The part that you struggle with as a parent is keeping them safe yet giving them enough freedom to grow and learn.

I have always said that God/dess made teenagers so that when they turn 18 and want to move out...you want them to go...We need a break by the time they reach that age.

When they do move out you miss each other horribly.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by RAVENOUS on April 8, 2009 at 8:02am: Ahhh ... Been There And still there With My 17 yr Old...
I Would Let Her Go ... They Are With His Family ... And Its Only The Movies.
It comes Down To Trusting Your daughter ..
but before you do let her go, meet his parents
and get the cell phone numbers if you havent already.

and tell the other parents she has to come home afterwards
and if you still dont feel comfortable about it
why not go with them ?? :0}
it is a family outing anyways right ??
so tag along .; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Peles Child on April 8, 2009 at 8:06am: My husband and his ex-wife were both pretty young when they began dating...around 14 or 15 I think....long story short on them is that she was a mom by 16,but thier dates were solo dates. I on the other hand, dated with a chaperone, ( my little nosy ever present brother) at 13, and I waited until I was 21 to marry and 23 to have a child.

Basically it comes down to this: do you trust your daughter? the answer is whether or not you let her go.

Also keep in mind that she will be chaperoned and that little nosy brothers and sisters are the BEST chaperones.

But I do not trust text messages...just like email, you never REALLY know who is on hte other end. Iwould talk to the mom in person before giving my okay.

Blessed Be,; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by SIN on April 8, 2009 at 8:26am: I don't see the issue with letting her go to the movies, it shows her that you have the utmost confidence in her ability to make wise decisions, and that you recognize she's growing up - she's not a baby anymore mom.

My son is 13, but he's had a girlfriend in the past. The most they ever did was hold hands, which I found utterly adorable. The girl's father had a serious issue with having a boyfriend, but the relationship was limited to school hours - how harmful could that have been? I spoke with the father, let him speak to Dillon and put his mind at ease. I think it's natural for parents to be protective of their children.

Honestly, if you are this paranoid it demonstrates a lack of confidence in your parenting abilities. Perhaps address it with your husband in that manner. If you've provided proper guidance for her age, then there should be little to worry about.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by faeriegirl on April 8, 2009 at 8:27am: I have 3 sons and ended up counseling (at their request) several girls in our neighborhood because their Moms were no home much. Not that I didn't work a but my kids were important to me. I was astonished at what these girls confided in me with. I was even more surprised later when some guys told me what my oldest sister was doing when she was 13 (in the 60's) So I would be sure I was talking in person to the parents. There are too many ways to fool parents today. My mother was a good mom but she trusted my sister way too much apparently. I am surprised she didn't get pregnant before she got married. Funny thing was that she always acted so perfect and her girlfriends were all nerds. But according to the things the guys told me my sister had been active with 4 or 5 and often. So this makes me see things in a very different way.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Dailgneachd on April 8, 2009 at 9:07am: I'm dealing with the same thing... exactly... LOL... but like Dream said in her post... it comes down to the kids involved. Do you trust your daughter? I trust mine and we've let her go a few times but only when the boy's family was there or I took them myself.
Maybe that would be an idea... maybe you or your husband, or both of you could take her and the boy out first. Get to know him a little bit as well.
This is a scary time for us, but we also have to realize I think that as much as we'd love to shelter our children and keep them close and safe, we have to let them have some freedom until it's obvious they can't handle it. If we don't, they go wild the second they're out of our sight. I wasn't allowed to date until I was in my late teens, but mom and dad would let my "friends" come over to the house. We could sit in the livingroom, or hang out outside, but we always had to be in plain sight.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Greywolfespirit on April 8, 2009 at 9:50am: I think it would be ok to let your daughter go to a large family gathering .fathers are usually very protective of their daughters ,my husband still is of our daughter and she is 24 yrs old now .ive always given them the freedom either of having friends round ,going out with friends ,they have to grow up soon nowadays .Ive always been able to talk with the friends and boyfriends at my house ,also all my kids tell me whats going on etc ,of course you only get to know what they want to tell you ,but if theres a problem they come to me and we can work it out .Its very difficult with your husband being against it ,must be just a male attitude cos ive had the same all along with mine .hope she goes and has fun XX; ▶ Reply to This