Parents of teenagers.......HELP!

My daughter is 13 and has a boyfriend she talks to on the telephone. This week her boyfriends mom messaged and asked if she could go to the movies this weekend with his entire family. It would be his parents and younger siblings included. At first, I was in shock! I didn't think I would have to deal with anything like this so soon. She, of course, is begging to go, her father on the other hand is adament that she not be allowed. It all seems innocent enough...but, kids can be sneaky. I feel I could trust his parents so that's not the issue. Have any of you had to deal with this at this age, if so what did you do? I am stuck in the middle.

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Permalink Reply by Alice on April 8, 2009 at 10:51am: Stick with your Husband on this one ... She is to young .. Father knows best :) Parents need to stick together when it comes to the kids ..She is lucky she has a father at home and he sounds like he cares. Parents should not message they should talk face to face ..; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by bkyrdwtch on April 8, 2009 at 11:04am: Talk to the parents in person. Not over the phone because it could be one of thier friends. Or you could invite yourself to go along. If his parents are going why not you?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Wiccan AngelFire on April 8, 2009 at 11:36am: I have a 17 year old daughter that I let date at 15. She was always mature for her age and I knew I could trust her.

I think it differs with each child. If they seem old enough or responsible enough, I would go ahead and let them go out. Now your daughter being only 13, of course that's too young to let go out alone with guys etc. But I see no harm in letting her go to the movies.. his parents will be there.

I will say this.. when they want to do something, they will find a way behind your back to do it anyway if they really want to do it. I know, because I did. My parents wouldn't let me date until I was 16.. I had a boyfriend when I was 15 and I would sneak out of the window at night to see him.

When my daughter got old enough to notice boys, I kept communication open between us so she felt she could talk to me about anything. I didn't want her sneaking around like I did.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Daisye on April 8, 2009 at 12:14pm: my future step daughter is 12. Personally- at 13- I would probably let her go to the movies. Her dad I think would also but after being sure that the parents will be there and not just going to their own way.
I think you are in 'shock' because your baby isn't a baby- she is becoming a young lady. You can't be with your kids 24/7. You can only teach and show them to have respect for themselves and others.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by WeepingWisdom on April 8, 2009 at 12:39pm: I've allowed my daughter to go on suprevised outings since she was about that age. She's just turned 17, and has had the same boyfriend for a few years now (they've been friends since she was 6) and they still only go on supervised outings...I guess we may be coming to a close on that some day. We'll see, couple few more years may be ;-); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by nightstalker63 on April 8, 2009 at 1:12pm: i can feel for you, I have three teenage daughters ages 15,16,and 16. They just now are starting to date and i dont remember what my phone looks like. I think 13 is young to begin dating, but i am old fashion that way. I guess it comes down to a matter of trust. I have strict rules when it comes to my girls, they are their to protect them. Which right now they dont understand, but will one day I hope; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Aebh Thistle on April 9, 2009 at 8:06am: Thank you all for your advice, after much discussion at home we decided that we thought it would be best for it to be a day when we can go as well until we get to know his parents. We weren't saying no, just asking for a day when we could all get together and get to know one another. My daughter agreed to this and the world is no longer coming to an end! LOL! I am going to leave this discussion open so that we can continue to discuss.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Lisa on April 9, 2009 at 10:16am: Oh yeah! my kids are 16,14, and 12, and the youngest is the girl, not dating yet, but soon. I don't think I would concider that a "date", and if you trust the other parents then I think it would be ok. Of course I have ran into those parents that I couldn't trust and lied to be the cool parent. It's so hard to trust when it comes to your kids, but even harder when the parents are divided on what to do. My husband think it's ok for the boys to date early, but the girl with date when she's 30. I've let him know he set the bar and this house doesn't run like that. What's good for them is fine for her. I do believe in being totally open with my kids about everything, they know about drugs, sex, and the trust factor. I know some parents don't think kids need to know all that, BUT I've found that my kids actually listened to what we've said when it comes to that stuff so it is a good thing. I tell my children what the boundaries are, and what is expected of them, and what will be lost if they lie. I think the biggest issue you have is you're husband, and if you stick together on this or not.
good luck!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Wickels on April 9, 2009 at 11:17am: I would call the boyfriends parents to be sure that is really the plan, if it is, let her go! His parents would be better chaperones than a group of their peers.

My son is only three, though, so maybe I am a bit underqualified.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rachel on April 9, 2009 at 4:27pm: as i only have a 1 year old, i dont have a lot of experience as the parent in this situation. however upon thinking of what i would do when he is 13, i say 13 is a little young to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. but it really depends on the maturity level of your daughter. few people know your kid better than you do even if they dont tell you everything. it sounds to me like the parents of the 'boyfriend' want to keep communication open. as long as both you and the other parents agree to supervise things, it sounds ok. however, if you hear your daughter say 'i love you' to the guy or he is saying it to her, then maybe its time to reconsider (i've learned this from talking to my currently 16 year old sister who tells me EVERYTHING). this is also the age where hormones begin to boil, and not being able to tell the difference between love and raging hormones could lead to more 'serious' interaction between these two kids.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Lleied Arth on June 26, 2009 at 3:19am: As a father of 2 teens, I think it's important that BOTH parents work together on this kind of thing. Rule is in my home that we error on the side of caution. If either one of the parents doesn't feel right about it, then it doesn't happen. Respect needs to be shown by each parent toward the other if they want the respect of the child. And at 13 years old, they're certainly still children!

LA; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Deoir on June 26, 2009 at 4:09am: My daughter went with her male friends when she was 13 to events and even to the movies. My daughter also knew the rules I had to have the phone numbers of the parents( in which I talked to without my daughter present) and make and model of car-even the license plate. I must say when my daughter started asking for those things from her male friends alot of it was nipped in the bud. Granted there were some legitimate boys but there were a few who she would say "Mom that got them and now they don't want to go", she is 16 and she asks automatic now before hand and boy have I heard her tell some boys off to, because of their refusal to give information out.; ▶ Reply to This