Poor Venus

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by SupremeTacos on April 1, 2012 at 12:22pm

I don't fully agree Lass. Marriage is about give and take. Now, I do agree that she should WANT to lose the weight. Like I said, if everything else in the marriage is fine the wife has to be willing to do this for her husband, but for herself as well. Lets face it, if she is over weight it could be bad for her health. Losing it would be good for her and it might help her husband find her more sexually appealing. I don't yell at Tom when he says he isn't turned on by the clothes I wear, or how I did my make up, or even how I smell. I FIX it. And while these are simpler things, I think it still applies to the weight. She can fix her weight and if she is willing to for her husband than good for her and him! He doesn't have to be attracted to her. Maybe he married her because he loves her but he just can't deal with the sexual side of it any more? The op also has yet to say she is demanding her to change or that he is even really being an asshole about it. Maybe he was just admitting that there is an issue with their marriage on his end of it? Your friend was given an ultimatum. That's kinda messed up. OP said nothing about such thing.

Keri<3

Permalink Reply by Starrfire Price on April 1, 2012 at 1:35pm

One thing which may not be the popular opinion but at least he's being honest with how he feels. I don't think there's any easy way to tell someone they aren't sexually or physically attracted to them anymore. As we age, we change and our bodies change, it's just part of life. I'll be 43 this year (UGH! lol) and I try to maintain and take care of myself as much as possible, I do this for myself because when I fall outside of my normal range then I feel like crap; mentally, spiritually and physically :) And I would be lying if I said I didn't take into consideration my boyfriend that I live with because I do indeed want to be attractive for him as well as for myself.

I'm not sure where the Goddess fits into this because it appears the OP is discussing her situation, not a Goddess in the aspect of deity worship (but I could be wrong).

While some may not agree I find that his honesty is not necessarily bad, it's a starting point to working through it. It's when one doesn't communicate that big problems can arise. I think rather than being upset by it, to look at it from the point of where do we go from here and how do we resolve it.

Permalink Reply by Lilitu Xoc on April 2, 2012 at 4:03pm

I'm so glad I'm not in a relationship, good god. In fact reading that makes me want to stay by myself. I've never felt like I ever wanted to be alone, but reading that. No. Just, no. The whole human bonding thing is great, the whole relationship thing is a turn off. F*ck give and take.

Permalink Reply by Celticlass...FAERIE QUEEN on April 2, 2012 at 4:19pm

The "give and take" works well for David and me XOC......he gives in alot because he is the easiest going gent in the land..but then I dont ask him to comprimise on much,because the true KEY is accepting your mate for who they are,all the nutty things,eccentric stuff and enjoying it......You'll know if you connect with that person.......

Permalink Reply by Caitlin on April 2, 2012 at 4:20pm

I agree and oftentimes I end up taking more than I give.  What can I say I'm an emotional black hole.  That being said if Nick asked me to lose weight, I would do my best to do so.  Lucky for me he doesn't.

Permalink Reply by Lilitu Xoc on April 2, 2012 at 4:52pm

I'm sorry. All I'm seeing is peer pressure on women by men about their bodies, but not the opposite. No one seems to be telling their husband to drop weight. I know you may not agree, but that's like my non-existent husband telling me to get breast implants because he doesn't find my c-cup attractive anymore. I fail to see how this helps my happiness to be with someone that unsupportive. Women already have TONS of pressure from Hollywood, peers, etc concerning how they should look and act. So, to me I'd tell that guy to fuck off. I don't exist only to give to HIM to make him happy, and thus making me happy? (Yeah, right. Sacrifices for some asshole.) Nah, this is mutual and it's way deeper than aestithics. If he doesn't find someone at their current weight attractive now and they were the same before, than perhaps she should be questioning why she's married to him or why he married her. Obviously, this is not aestethics. When I want to be skinny it's for MYSELF not for a man and certainly not for his idea of sexiness. No, homey don't play that shit.

Permalink Reply by Celticlass...FAERIE QUEEN on April 2, 2012 at 4:57pm

I understand XOC and I wouldnt be with a man as such to begin with. But I will tell you,I've worked with larger gents and they are in my aerobics class because of the wives nagging at them and withholding sex,so it works on BOTH sides,but i agree with you. In my wildest,I couldnt imagine DAVID telling me anything in relation to how I look,clothes I wear,my hair......like I said he "gets it" now,obvioisly I'm, a cagey olde Witch. I wouldnt wear my leather mini skirt to a formal USAF dinner,but if I did.....he really would not have said a thing,fortunately i have common sense,some places are not approproate for 14 inch minis or 16 or whatever

Permalink Reply by Celticlass...FAERIE QUEEN on April 2, 2012 at 5:04pm

Having a "diet" partner may help...............if she chooses too and/or insecurity,as yiu said Son of L

Permalink Reply by Salem Williams on September 1, 2012 at 2:16am

Just to be sure I've said it, I wanted to lose some weight even when we were first together, and he'd assured me we would be playing, jogging, weight lifting, and he would teach me a sport or other. He reneged on those promises, but did do those things alone and with other people. I've asked many times to go swimming or play ball...usually he forgets or makes other things a priority.

Permalink Reply by Jessica Caperton on April 1, 2012 at 1:34pm

Love and relationships are all about give and take this is true. But I have to agree with Celticlass that she should not have to lose weight for him. (Losing weight should be for her own reasons) He was seemingly fine with her weight when he said I do and made a life time commitment to her. (Marriage today is not what it is suppose to be, in my opinion) I would tend to believe there was something else happening in the relationship to bring this about. I wouldn't try to guess what this is as no one really knows what is going on inside this man's mind.

My own personal story....I have always been a size 0-3 until I had a hysterectomy. (Even after my 4th child was born I was only a size 3 weighing about 110 pounds) The weight started to add up on me very quickly. One day my husband made a comment that really hurt my feelings. I don't think he meant to but hey the fact was I had gained a whopping 70 pounds. After I was done "flipping out" (for lack of better words) at him, we had a discussion. The weight was bothering me and I made tons of comments about it and myself. He didn't say anything for all that time because of my own emotional state about the situation. It did bother him as well but not nearly as much as it bothered me. He has a right to feel what he feels (I excepted it) but he never demanded I lose the weight or he would leave me. Instead my husband tried to help me. (Not always what I wanted, I was way over sensitive to the issue) He went as far to say when I hit my goal weight (which is not 110lbs because this is not really healthy) he would give me $1000 for new clothes. It was an incentive. (Because losing weight was what I wanted and needed) I still have not hit that goal weight but work toward it. On my own terms in my own time with the love and support of my husband. I am not made to feel I have to do unless I want to do it for myself.

I guess my point is we struggled with a weight issue in our relationship as well. The difference was I was made to feel love and support. I never faced having to lose my husband if I did not conform to what he felt I should look like. I was pushed (in a good way) for my own benefit which in the end benefited him too.

Permalink Reply by Celticlass...FAERIE QUEEN on April 1, 2012 at 4:56pm

EXCELLENTT and YOUR husband was/is indeed a Knight,as I see it too......JESSICA!! to be helpful,supportive and standing by you,encouraging ones change of body image is a fine thing,but to ridicule them,threaten them or demand,especially in gaining or losing weight,simply does not work. SAY you lose the weight and he is happy to have sex with you again,wont you harbor the resentment that he "MADE" you lose weight? Honesty is good,communication is great between partners,holding an ax over their head of what ifs,isnt,I believe......and what happens if you regain the weight?

Permalink Reply by Achillies on April 1, 2012 at 2:02pm

The current image of a woman is flawed.. I believe everyone should take care of themselves but that doesnt mean be a tooth pick. My wife has never been small but I love everything about her. She has even gained some weight over the years but I still find her sexually attractive. Ok, I just wanted to share my opinon! 

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