what do I do.?

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Permalink Reply by Aikaterine Nekyia on November 14, 2009 at 7:20pm

I think she just needs some space and time to adapt. She may think you are an intruder (which you are not) and may think that you'll go away if she is objectionable. Still discipline her as necessary for wrongdoing. She'll adapt over time. That is the best I can come up with. I remember I was bitter at my dad's girlfriends when I was a child but then again he was a womanizer and had 4 or 5 of them... anyway, have you tried talking to her? Sometimes that helps. I know 4 yr olds can't reason like adults but sometimes that may help.

Permalink Reply by Greywolfespirit on November 14, 2009 at 7:24pm

well you could let her father do the mothering ,see what happens,she is fairly young and may feel strange ,not understanding really whats going on .it may take some time before she comes round to the idea of you being with daddy ,maybe hes had G.F. before and they went out of her life suddenly so she doesnt want to get close to you in case you do the same .Who knows whats going on in her small head .

Permalink Reply by The Solitary Pagan on November 14, 2009 at 7:37pm

As a father who has previously dated ladies who have had to accept my kids and them visiting during weekends I understand who difficult this can be for you.

I tended to believe that the children had to get used to the idea first that Mommy and Daddy have moved on so I did a lot of work allowing my children time to get used to this idea. From then they became very accepting and understanding of the wider picture, their new life and their roles within it.

In short maybe a good idea to take a step back and not to question yourself or the child but maybe has her Father really taken her feelings into account and allowed her time to adjust to him not being with mommy. Time is not always the key but to settle her mind in sich a traumatic time in my opinion is key.

I however,understand your house has rules etc but there is you and the child. Where does he fit in??you have not mentioned him? I therefore revert back to my original suggestion of allowing him the time to talk and reason with her and where applicable install the mutual respect for her,you and her surroundings. He has to take the lead and take a balanced view and act upon it. After all,theirs yours,the childs and his well-being to try and balance up.

Without this is creatres a lot of tension and conflict and you'll just end up feeling like your banging your head up against a brick wall and just end up venteing/projecting your frstrations on the poor child (she will just dig her heels in and so the circle goes on) . Try not to see this as the child not liking you. Maybe he needs to deal with it a little better and support both you and the child a little more. It's difficult i know.

Another factor is the biological Mother (unfortunatly peple feed the childs head with all sorts of negative things). Again maybe he needs to address this problem at the source. If the child see's Mommy and Daddy working together and she is ultimately not to blame. The negative energy should become a distant memory and not be the prime force in your household.

I sincerely hope this helps.

Pagan

Permalink Reply by Sagemoon on November 14, 2009 at 7:41pm

Your man needs to have a chat with his daughter about respecting ALL adults.

Permalink Reply by Tigarus Mani on November 14, 2009 at 7:45pm

Well, while I don't approve of misbehavior she is just 4. She needs to learn that you are alright. I think the best course of action is for your husband to have a talk or several talks with her to help her understand.

Permalink Reply by Dream of Gaia's Earth Emporium on November 14, 2009 at 8:19pm

We have to remember she is 4 yrs old and probably does not understand really what is happening. I think you should discuss this both with her father and her mother. If you all are friends I think the mother would understand and more than happy to do this and listen what you are saying.

However, on the other hand is she minding her own father and her mother? Does she listen to them? Also, her father needs to step in and help her to understand that you are part of his life. While you are not her mother, you are an adult and she needs to listen to you.

I have a 20 year old son and I will soon have a grandson. My husband and I went through this very same thing when he was only 3. He thought he didn't have to listen to him because he didn't know him and he was not his daddy. It was my job as his mother to explain to him again and again he was to listen to him if he asked him to do something or to stop doing something. This is just my 2 cents on the matter. Best of luck to you Skyfox.

Dream V.