Why Do Men Cheat?(hoping this is a good discussion)

Okay I know women do it too, so this isn't a male bashing discussion as i'm not talking about ALL men, just the cheating ones, but I want a man's perspective(or a woman's experience and how you handled it..funny and serious responses please LOL)

I've met a couple of people in the past few days who also have men who cheat on them. It's kind of funny(not that our men cheat) but now that I know mine IS cheating, it seems like all the women of cheaters are coming out of the woodwork either I find them or they find me. kind of like when you find out your pregnant and you notice ALL the pregnant woman on the planet. LOL I'm going to start a support group I think, seriously, because this is just so ridiculous already.

Anyway, I found out yesterday he was cheating on me when I met the "other woman". She was so sweet to me, smiling nicely but she wouldn't come near me. He wouldn't introduce me to her(introduced the kids to her while I was pumping gas at the station i met him at to get some money), he was acting all weird when I asked him questions about the gas pump not working right like he wasn't hearing the words I was saying, and just stumbling for words and nothing I said was registering in that little brain of his. then when he went to leave he wouldn't kiss me in front of her(he's kissed me before in front of the GUYS he works with). Not to mention he's been really really mean to me lately, somewhat abusive actually....nit picking about all the things I do wrong(mind you I have been cleaning my ass off around here, making sure I take the kids to the park so he can relax etc...being the "good wife" so to speak..even though we aren't married) He talks about that other chick all the time and the kicker was when he told me "she brought me in another peanut butter and jelly sandwich" i told him that i would make him lunch but he's never taken one in the almost seven years we've been together or asked me to do that for him. sooooo....

Anyway, i'm no longer upset about it. I've decided to go to EMT school(still figuring out which one i want to attend; the local university that will help with grants and financial aid, or the other trade schools that will get me a certificate in less than six months so I can bolt that much quicker.) where i'll have a career not just a job and tell him where to go. I'm tired of his mind games of loving me then being a dick to me, then being nice again.

It's very tiresome.

So here is my question....guys why do you do it? Why don't you just end it? If you have kids involved is that the reason? If there are no kids, why hang around? do you think men are pre-dispositioned to cheat? is it some quirky genetic animal nature that makes you do it?

And the women, how long have you stayed with a straying spouse/SO? Do any of you hang onto him just to "stand by your man?" Just from looking at the members here and the discussion threads the women on here don't seem like they would put up with a guy's philandering and half of you would probably knock him on his ass if he did cheat. LOL

I only posted this question because I'm just so fed up and wonder how it is that these men can sleep at night.

I guess you can say I knew this was coming, but I chose to be blind to it in the hopes he'd "change". Yep that's stupidity on my part, lesson learned once again.

Thanks for your insight.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pavlor on October 10, 2009 at 10:16am: What I find odd is that you can't see a pattern here *lol*; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by MommaDragonfly on October 10, 2009 at 11:09am: ha ha LOL; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Robert Chapman on October 10, 2009 at 10:18am: I think there are probably many reasons why someone would cheat. Self-esteem, feeling bored with current relationship, just horny, who knows? I do know (and yes, from experience) that sometimes you just want something different, so you hook up with someone for a secret fling. Then when it's over it's over and it has nothing to do with your current relationship at all.

It is possible that some who cheat do so because they are truly unhappy in their current situation, in which case it would be better to either work it out or end the relationship before jumping into bed with someone else.

But at the root of it I think most guys are just horny all the time. lol; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by AmethystFaerie on October 10, 2009 at 10:21am: I don't know whether my partner has cheated. There was so many rumours about them, texts he wouldn't show me, shouting at me. She put the phone down when I asked her. He apparently told people we weren't together... And he didn't want me from May-September... now all of a sudden he is telling me he has always loved me and didn't do anything with her. Oh... I gave him hell... I still give him hell about it. He never once stood up for us. He made me feel so low about myself, and even now I don't know why i'm still sat here saying yeah we are trying to work things out. I guess sometimes you will never know. And my friends have told me it sounds like he has... but rumours can sometimes be rumours. Maybe I shouldn't of taken him back for the way he just pushed me aside. But I don't really know anymore.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ada on October 10, 2009 at 10:27am: boredom - it seems 13 years is too much and now I'm over 40 and that's boring! It doesn't matter that he's 61, he just likes women 25-39!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Araelus the Stormwolf on October 17, 2009 at 1:20pm: I thought women aged like fine wine. Your never old, just of good year or vintage.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Celticlass...FAERIE QUEEN on October 17, 2009 at 1:22pm: AYE,we do......get finer and feistier!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ada on October 17, 2009 at 1:43pm: I've tried, but he doesn't think so. Seems like I can still turn some heads, just not his!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Minstrel_Davyn on October 10, 2009 at 10:31am: So here is my question....guys why do you do it? Why don't you just end it? If you have kids involved is that the reason? If there are no kids, why hang around? do you think men are pre-dispositioned to cheat? is it some quirky genetic animal nature that makes you do it?

Serious response:
I offer myself for sacrifice in this discussion. I have only ever cheated on a woman twice. I know, even once is too much but I admit I did it. When a man isn't getting what he needs, even if he's not married, he will look elsewhere, it's really that simple. I suppose people do fall out of love and in my case I was too wimpy to admit it. I didn't want to hurt my then girlfriend and tried to break up slowly. There is no good way to break up.
Comedic response:
I rationalized this first cheat I referred to as, "I would have been cheating myself if I hadn't explored the possibility of this other woman." Just for the record, this other woman shall forever remain a "what if" in my life.

I have put this post out here. If I am severely attacked I will remove it. If the discussion proves fruitful, I may add to it.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sara on October 10, 2009 at 10:52am: Sir you got two very large hairy balls to be admitting that here :)

But I agree, it's also the same reason/s why women do cheat. Each situation is different, you can't point to one generic reason as to -why-.

Say you are in a LTR or married, and your partner who you love stops having sex with you for whatever reason, what do you do? It's a douchebag move on your partner's part if he or she expects you also to not have sex for the rest of the relationship/life just because they don't want to or can't for whatever reason. You can try to discuss the situation, see if they are ok with you getting your needs met elsewhere, & if that doesn't work... what do you do? What if you are tied to the person financially, or have kids, or are bound in some way...? You got to be fair to yourself also, and if cheating on your person helps you stay with that person (because the only other option is to leave if you want to be 'honorable' about it), then there you are.

Who says life provides easy answers?

Now me? One of the requirements to be with me is that mah man doesn't pull crap like this behind my back. If he does it's a breach of trust, and he will more than likely be put out. I make this pretty clear at the beginning, but I'm also pretty open minded. If I had an accident and couldn't give my partner everything he wanted, then an open relationship may be discussed if that is what he needs. I don't tolerate abuse, disrespect, or being hit. These are the rules to be with me, and I do not waver.

What you're doing is putting up with bullshite, for what reason I can't comprehend. Why do you think it's ok for your man to parade his lady around you & your kids. What message do you think that sends them?! And you're letting him dump on you and as you say, be abusive. We don't have his side of the story, so who really knows what is going on. But srsly, you are still clearly upset about this or you wouldn't be posting about this in the 1st place.

Why don't you just ask him why he's got another lady? If you are ok with this, then fine. It's your life, but if you are not really ok with him having a harem then dump the mutherfuker already.

My guess, your man cheats on you because you let him get away with it.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by MommaDragonfly on October 10, 2009 at 11:08am: I don't understand why i put up with his bullshit this long either. I'm either extremely slow or stupid, but then I tend to think I'm just outright naive which is a nicer form of stupid LOL I thought I added in there that after I finish school I'd like to leave(which is why i'm leaning more toward the 9 week EMT school vs. the community college courses). The thing is I have tried to leave in the past and somehow some way there is always some reason(he's usually nicer for a few weeks) I stay like a moron. I was naive. I get totally what you are saying here, and once again, thanks for your honesty here, but I am hoping to be rid of this drama once and for all by next spring. Call it my 40th birthday gift to me(which is in February).

The thing is I look back at how i basically wasted my thirties with this guy and for what? So he can continue to treat me like crap. I tried to rationalize it(maybe it's me, maybe i'm doing something wrong, maybe i need to TRY HARDER) and the bottom line is we are simply not compatibler and I've told him this numerous times. He's just an arrogant control freak with womanizing tendencies and I just don't want it anymore.

And yes, Maybe i am upset, but not as flaming mad as I was yesterday. I gave this guy all of me and other than the fact we gave one another three beautiful children, I got nothing else in return from him except grief.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sara on October 10, 2009 at 12:24pm: you respond by putting yourself down (stop it). You clearly know the problem... but you use words like "hope", "maybe", "I'd like to.."

Very passive words.

You are not going to leave this guy. You are going to whine and wish it away... and end up doing nothing.

Life is too short, you clearly don't feel you deserve to be happy.

Get therapy, get help, and dump the mutherfuker already. Grow a pair of balls and leave him. Do it for your kids if not for yourself, so they don't grow up passive & end up in the same kind of relationship you're in right now.

Srsly, grow balls, leave dude.; ▶ Reply to This