Why Do Men Cheat?(hoping this is a good discussion)
Okay I know women do it too, so this isn't a male bashing discussion as i'm not talking about ALL men, just the cheating ones, but I want a man's perspective(or a woman's experience and how you handled it..funny and serious responses please LOL)
I've met a couple of people in the past few days who also have men who cheat on them. It's kind of funny(not that our men cheat) but now that I know mine IS cheating, it seems like all the women of cheaters are coming out of the woodwork either I find them or they find me. kind of like when you find out your pregnant and you notice ALL the pregnant woman on the planet. LOL I'm going to start a support group I think, seriously, because this is just so ridiculous already.
Anyway, I found out yesterday he was cheating on me when I met the "other woman". She was so sweet to me, smiling nicely but she wouldn't come near me. He wouldn't introduce me to her(introduced the kids to her while I was pumping gas at the station i met him at to get some money), he was acting all weird when I asked him questions about the gas pump not working right like he wasn't hearing the words I was saying, and just stumbling for words and nothing I said was registering in that little brain of his. then when he went to leave he wouldn't kiss me in front of her(he's kissed me before in front of the GUYS he works with). Not to mention he's been really really mean to me lately, somewhat abusive actually....nit picking about all the things I do wrong(mind you I have been cleaning my ass off around here, making sure I take the kids to the park so he can relax etc...being the "good wife" so to speak..even though we aren't married) He talks about that other chick all the time and the kicker was when he told me "she brought me in another peanut butter and jelly sandwich" i told him that i would make him lunch but he's never taken one in the almost seven years we've been together or asked me to do that for him. sooooo....
Anyway, i'm no longer upset about it. I've decided to go to EMT school(still figuring out which one i want to attend; the local university that will help with grants and financial aid, or the other trade schools that will get me a certificate in less than six months so I can bolt that much quicker.) where i'll have a career not just a job and tell him where to go. I'm tired of his mind games of loving me then being a dick to me, then being nice again.
It's very tiresome.
So here is my question....guys why do you do it? Why don't you just end it? If you have kids involved is that the reason? If there are no kids, why hang around? do you think men are pre-dispositioned to cheat? is it some quirky genetic animal nature that makes you do it?
And the women, how long have you stayed with a straying spouse/SO? Do any of you hang onto him just to "stand by your man?" Just from looking at the members here and the discussion threads the women on here don't seem like they would put up with a guy's philandering and half of you would probably knock him on his ass if he did cheat. LOL
I only posted this question because I'm just so fed up and wonder how it is that these men can sleep at night.
I guess you can say I knew this was coming, but I chose to be blind to it in the hopes he'd "change". Yep that's stupidity on my part, lesson learned once again.
Thanks for your insight.
I've met a couple of people in the past few days who also have men who cheat on them. It's kind of funny(not that our men cheat) but now that I know mine IS cheating, it seems like all the women of cheaters are coming out of the woodwork either I find them or they find me. kind of like when you find out your pregnant and you notice ALL the pregnant woman on the planet. LOL I'm going to start a support group I think, seriously, because this is just so ridiculous already.
Anyway, I found out yesterday he was cheating on me when I met the "other woman". She was so sweet to me, smiling nicely but she wouldn't come near me. He wouldn't introduce me to her(introduced the kids to her while I was pumping gas at the station i met him at to get some money), he was acting all weird when I asked him questions about the gas pump not working right like he wasn't hearing the words I was saying, and just stumbling for words and nothing I said was registering in that little brain of his. then when he went to leave he wouldn't kiss me in front of her(he's kissed me before in front of the GUYS he works with). Not to mention he's been really really mean to me lately, somewhat abusive actually....nit picking about all the things I do wrong(mind you I have been cleaning my ass off around here, making sure I take the kids to the park so he can relax etc...being the "good wife" so to speak..even though we aren't married) He talks about that other chick all the time and the kicker was when he told me "she brought me in another peanut butter and jelly sandwich" i told him that i would make him lunch but he's never taken one in the almost seven years we've been together or asked me to do that for him. sooooo....
Anyway, i'm no longer upset about it. I've decided to go to EMT school(still figuring out which one i want to attend; the local university that will help with grants and financial aid, or the other trade schools that will get me a certificate in less than six months so I can bolt that much quicker.) where i'll have a career not just a job and tell him where to go. I'm tired of his mind games of loving me then being a dick to me, then being nice again.
It's very tiresome.
So here is my question....guys why do you do it? Why don't you just end it? If you have kids involved is that the reason? If there are no kids, why hang around? do you think men are pre-dispositioned to cheat? is it some quirky genetic animal nature that makes you do it?
And the women, how long have you stayed with a straying spouse/SO? Do any of you hang onto him just to "stand by your man?" Just from looking at the members here and the discussion threads the women on here don't seem like they would put up with a guy's philandering and half of you would probably knock him on his ass if he did cheat. LOL
I only posted this question because I'm just so fed up and wonder how it is that these men can sleep at night.
I guess you can say I knew this was coming, but I chose to be blind to it in the hopes he'd "change". Yep that's stupidity on my part, lesson learned once again.
Thanks for your insight.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by helskat satanis on -
ok , on another note me and my man, don't do 50%/50%.(per se)nice and sweet half the time, and a-hole /b!tchy the other half.in other words if he isnt willing to give 100% he hasn't earned 100% back in return if you know what i mean im not saying that you should treat him badly, of course but every relation should have equal give and takein every aspect.
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Permalink Reply by Minstrel_Davyn on -
I am simply being honest and learned a lot while writing my response.
I am with my Lover now because we want to be together and we are very compatible.
I would never cheat on her because she is all I want, need and desire.
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Permalink Reply by MommaDragonfly on -
Thank you for being so honest. I was looking for this side of the "equation"..the man's side.
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Permalink Reply by Gary Dupuis on -
You know, there's an old saying- once a cheater, always a cheater but the fact is that not everyone who cheats will do it continually. I oughta know since, when I was younger, I cheated on a couple of my girlfriends, one who was my fiance' at the time. Why did I do this? I guess you could chalk it up to the fact that I was young and stupid and arrogant, which comes with being 20 something.
I am now in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman and I feel no urge to do that to her, in fact, since my 20s, I have not cheated once. People can change if they really want and me, well I did. As for why other men might cheat, I can't speak for them, for only they would know the answer to that. I only know the answer to my own infedelity, which is out and out stupidity.
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Permalink Reply by AmethystFaerie on -
It's nice to hear that someone doesn't agree with "once a cheater always a cheater"
Congrats for being in a committed relationship and able to admit you did wrong and changed. One of my friends cheated on her boyfriend because he annoyed her one day... makes you wonder what would happen if the lad really did something to make her angry!
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Permalink Reply by Lady Rhiannon on -
Dear Gary, I like you. Not only do admit guilt, you also say it was a chaulk up to stupidity. That does not make you a textbook "CLASSIC CHEATER" if makes you young and arrogant and wanting to prean and strut, which is mostly what a young anaimal does. Until he finds the one that can make him strut into a relationship!!! My congradulations to HER who, keeps the strut in your walk straight! As always BB&MM LR
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Permalink Reply by Spirit Wynd on -
I have another question, Why do Women cheat?
I've never cheated on anyone in my entire life, and I'm loyal to anyone I'm with at the time. She's my first priority. But no matter how good I treat her, sometimes, it still happens. Even though I've been told I'm mister right, or they say they've never knew anyone like me or been treated so well before, they still find a reason to do so.
After a while, I got to the point of adjusting relationships to a less restrictive type, no strings or friends with benefits... this way there's less pain involved.
But I still remain loyal and see only one person at a time. And I know that if I meet "the one", all this will end and I'll try the exclusive thing again, but after all I've been through, she better be something special.
I'm not your average Joe caught up in the modern world within a corrupted society, I think quite differently, do thing that some say is unconventional, but practical, and quite romantic, creative, and adventuresome, where not many I find are into passion and romance. I guess I'm old-fashioned with a modern twist, but not into the ways of society.
Now, aside from that, I've read many books to gain insight, some of which I've tried by application, lol, not just the sexual ones, that have helped.
Try reading books from Dr. John Grey like "Men are from Mars,Women from Venus" also "Mars and Venus starting over" these two are quite good and helped me delve into the female species, also better understand myself.
Another book which is helpful for anyone it "The secret of letting go" by Guy Finley, I think this book was written over with more info so the name was changed, so look up the author to see a list of his works.
I think a lot of guys(and gals) cheat, because they're not comfortable with something about themselves, some might believe that the more people you make love to, the more loved they feel, though this is a false assumption, they still use it from lack of understanding.
Some use cheating as a revenge tatic, or simply to get laid... another biggie is lack of control over desire... it's natural for people to look at other people, it's human nature to admire other shapes and forms with individual preferences. But to try and control it by telling your significant other not to look, or those who get jealous by looking is just causing more harm, arguments, and possible cheating.
I've been with women who knew, the more their guy looks, the more images they get in their head, the more turned on they get... the better her rewards are that night, or whatever time it is when they get home. She even helped me look, though some of them were bi anyway, and just enjoyed looking.
But people in general need their own free time, not free to stray, but free the be themselves without a restriction policy set by their girlfriends, of course there are limitations, but it all boils down to trust, and when that trust is shaky or non-existent, then there are many more arguments, misunderstandings, and pain. This leads to control issues on both sides, and comes from lack of trust, but also, lack of understanding within their own mind... the more one feels the need to control a situation, they more out of control they already are.
Another big factor is listening, guys are famous for not listening, but ya know, women do it too. The reason we're known is that we want to hear the facts, so we can deal with it faster and get it over with.
Guys want to know what, when, why, where, and how? And keep it on subject. Its when the facts include a womens moods, and pms attacks that cause this reaction, or that incident, or the kids made her angry, or the neighbors dog kept them up all night, and anything else that makes the facts longer and drawn out from the point.
Women,(from what I think anyway) think guys are too insensitive to their needs and responses, so this may be a part of why guys don't listen. I think that guys just plainly don't know how to respond to your sensitive side, perhaps see it as a sign of weakness, lol, usually to the macho types that think they're cool and have no sensitive side.
Well, here it is, all people have both a masculine and feminine side, it's what balance us out to better a better human being. We learn this usually from paganism, at least I did. And is perfectly ok be in touch with both sides... it doesn't make you weak, it makes you human, to accept your true humanity aside from what society's hype and glamor programs you with.
Nobody's perfect, we all have flaws, but life is a learning process, we can learn new things every day, either from a small child or a so called wise adult, we can also teach the wisdom we learned to help those still figuring out what we needed to learn back then...
But those who think they know it all, are doomed to never learning.
Peace and blessings everyone
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Permalink Reply by Lady Rhiannon on
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Mommadragonfly, this took a lot of courage to post this discussion. When he is nit picking at you it is because he is trying to justify why he is cheating. I have heard this before{ I used to do counciling at "Open Gate" a place for abused families}from nothing you do is right, my family said I should have dumped you, gained too much weight I am not attracted to a pig. All excuses for his{in all fairness, hers as well sometimes} unfaithfulness. However, you seem to have alot on the ball in YOUR plans for YOU and the CHILDREN. For that I am proud of you. You say that some of us would knock him on his ass. What purpose would that serve you or the children.None! What you are planning is so much better as a train of thought. Get yourself a career, make your babies proud of you. Then you will be proud of yourself because you are now self-supporting. That is the best way I have found to deal with one who cheats. To know he lost a strong partner and the MOTHER of his Children, that will be punishment. The worst part is the mans ego, he thought all along you were "STUCK" and you were not capable to do anything except roll over, and play dead. My Mother said the "best revenge is one that you are not even aware of, yet the one the other has to live with everyday! email me if you want to talk, that's what crones are good for. I am proud of you! BB&MM LR
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Permalink Reply by MommaDragonfly on
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Thank you for your advice. And yes, I am well aware that beating the crap out of a man won't make it better which is, as you and i posted, why I chose the other more positive route to handle this situation. I'll email more details as these are just the highlights, when i have more time. My kids bday party is today so I'll have more time this week after all the hoopla is over. Thank you for your supportive words. I was hoping not to be attacked to badly here, and so far everyone has been pretty compassionate or straightforward with me.
Blessings!
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Permalink Reply by MommaDragonfly on
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I'm still reading the responses, and I am really thankful for all your honesty(and humor) LOL Keep them coming in please! :)
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Permalink Reply by randy on -
Some men would argue biology....The human male is just built to want to sleep with as many women as they can. Sex to a man is a validation of his masculinity, a way to feel powerful and wanted. And you have to realize that sex with the same person over a long period of time gets boring. So men try to go out and find something new. However, despite the biology argument that doesnt mean that men SHOULD sleep around. Biology is just an aspect of a human being"s personality after all. Men can, and should control themselves. Or at least they should make a sincere effort and try not to be whores. LOL!
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Permalink Reply by Sara on -
BTW, (and this is for everyone who complains about cheating partners)
If you find you keep ending up with people who cheat, realize there's only one common denominator, and that is you.
Stop dating for a minute, and work on why you continue to take in partners that cheat on you. If you are repeating a pattern, then you are the one that needs to take the steps to stop it.
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