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I ask this question because i have had some friends for 5 years i have helped them with everything from baby sitting to giving them money...i kept my beliefs a secret until recently and now that my alter is out in the open and my books are not hidden in the basement they look at me like im a bug they have never, they dont call as much or come to dinner every still the same person i always was i just came out do you all think i should do? why cant they see i am still the same loving me??

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It is interesting how something so simple makes people change so drastically. I am not really sure if there is anything that you can do, unless you're the one with the problem ? If experiences and knowledge aren't enough to satisfy them to the person you're, I am really not sure what you could do to convince them otherwise.

They hear it in their pulpits of hate on Sunday morning. The world has heard it for 1600 years that pagans are evil. We have a lot of brainwashing to dispel and eliminate. America was created so that everyone can be free to believe what they want. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Europeans are much more accepting of pagans, but I believe It's primarily baptists that spread the hate here in the U.S. Their preachers need to stand up and teach tolerance and acceptance.



I know exactly how you feel as I have gone through the same process. Bravo for you opening up, taking out your books and setting up your alter. I am sure you feel better for being true to yourself.

Give it time, you are changing by being open, you must give your friends time to change too. If they still can't accept you in time then maybe this was some house cleaning that needed to be done. I went through this same process when I divorced my first husband and lost what I thought were my two very best friends in the world. Over the years I slowly broke the "spell" of their friendship and was able to see clearly how they weren't very good friends during all those years afterall, one was a one way street, me always giving, giving, giving. The other pumped me for information that I now see was used against me.

So welcome the opportunity to veiw your friendship for what it might really be and open the door of opportunity to others who welcome you and your beliefs. You can count me among them.
Thank you for the kind words, and your friendship...BB

I am going to agree with this comment and the very first comment. Maybe your friends felt betrayed (for a lack of better words) that you weren't honest with them. Religion/Spirituality is always a difficult discussion. What I mean by honest, I mean open.


Here's a thought: ask them. Ask them if its an issue. But I can understand if that would be difficult. That might be asking for confrontation. Maybe try educating them?


My two cents.

HOW,if they are friends is it difficult.....I define friendship a bit different I guess,I communicate,talk and relate to mine.....
brainwashing at it's finest, and people are often afraid of things they don't understand. i tink you need to find a way to tell them who you really are since you kept a part of you secret..
They don't hate us, they fear a religion they don't understand. I know in my family, when I tell them, they will withdraw from me, even though I'm the same me I've always been. I know they will withdraw because they fear the devil would work his ways through me.... a faithful servant :/

Another thing is look at the stereotypes for our religion. Now normally I lol at stereotypes because in some cases they are right on the nose but I can't help but think not every stereotype about pagans is correct... I mean I have yet to sacrifice a baby and I don't wear dark cloaks during every ritual.

Point being, if you value their friendship, educate them, otherwise they weren't that good of friends anyway. Best of luck to you, and just remember your not alone. You'll always have support somewhere in the world.

People are afraid of the unknown, and  unfortunately most people don't think for themselves because the prospect of getting to know who they really are is too unsettling. What you have done by coming out of the broom closet is shake their perception of who you are, which shatters their understanding of the universe at large and puts everything in question (believe it or not). They had you pegged as "friend who does...", but now you are "person we thought we knew who is now a pagan and...what does this mean?" "Can we trust ourselves or anything we thought was real if this could be hiding in plain sight?" It's easier to not deal with the source of the nagging questions, i.e. avoid, avoid, avoid. 


I am  professional massage therapist. Most of my clients don't know who I am outside of my office, although there are a few that do. I know that if the fundamentalists that I work on ever found out, they'd be running out of my office like the devil himself was after them, even though they've been laying on my table, appreciating that I can take their pain away and make them better, and know that I am a good person (or should know) for years.


When I was a child adults were afraid of me...not because I had a set of beliefs but because I did things they didn't think a child should talk about death and the afterlife. My "otherness" frightened them. This used to hurt my feelings a LOT. I could not understand how they could be afraid of who never harmed another living thing on purpose, who has a kind heart and a generous soul. I'm over it now. Just remember. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.


The best thing you can do is just be yourself and find others of like mind who appreciate you for who you are. Like others have said before me, they may not actually be true friends, and if they are, they will start to ask you questions when they are (hopefully) ready to hear the answers. Good luck. i know this takes courage and you are risking a lot.

People fear what they don't understand and try to rationalize everything to fit into the conforms of society.. if you break those rules that society has put in place then you become not only different but an outcast.., those who associate with you will be stigmatized... basically what that boils down to is that people are like sheep....

I agree with Dave S. 


There is nothing you can do, you have not changed, you are the same.  People have a different perception of who we are, and that is that we are evil, since for generations they have been taught that we "pagans" are evil. 

Your money was good then, you were good enough for baby sitting.  You are still good for baby sitting, your money is just us good and green as theirs.  


Don't judge them, go about your life, let them take the first step to come to you.  You have done nothing wrong.  I put it this way; "if what I do, "no harm, do as you will" bothers them, then they were not true friends.  If they are true friends they will come around.


Many blessings to you and may the Goddess guide in your path.

GrayDragonLady on March 4, 2011 at 11:25am

I agree with Dave S. 


"There is nothing you can do, you have not changed"


I don't think the issue is that he has changed, but that maybe they feel like they don't really know who he is, and a persons religious belief does make up a large part of who they are.


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