I've been having some trouble with my Schizophrenia recently. I don't think my meds are working, I still hear voices. I've worked it out, I think there are three voices. One I hear outside my head, as if it is real, like it's being heard by my ears. I've only heard this one twice since August. The other one is not outside my head, but it's still real, I hear this one every couple of weeks. The last (and most frightening) is the third one, which appears to be around most of te time. The problem with this one is that I think I've had it since I was about 13 or 14, and I'm so used to it I don't notice it, until I realise I'm talking to it and it's talkign back to me, it's very sneaky though, it's as if it pretends to be my thoughts, but I know it cant be.
Also, I've just got my first boyfriend five weeks ago, and the voices really don't like him. I think he's lovely, but they keep saying he's horrible and ugly, it really distresses me, and it's getting in the way of our relationship, but he doesn't know that. He knows I'm schizophrenic, but how do I tell him that something which isn't me (but is kind of 'a part of me') really hates him? I think they doin't like him because it's not just me and them anymore.
The other part of my problem is hospitalization. A lot of the time I just feel like going to the hospital and begging them to take me in, help me, I can't cope with this anymore, it's destroying me, I'm onlly 19, I shouldn't be so messed up like this. I mentioned to my Mum that I don't want to take my meds anymore because I can't think straight on them, everything is so cloudy and fuzzy, and she said "If you stop taking your meds you will end up in hospital" and then I replied that I wouldn't mind that if it meant i would get better, and she then told me that I would actually get better medical treatment in hospital, but then I had to go and we havent spoke about ti since.
Does anyone have any help on any of this? Please...