marriage counseling

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Permalink Reply by Last Knight on March 25, 2008 at 9:34am

I'm sure there are... but in your area? who knows...?

best of luck finding one!

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Permalink Reply by Delta on September 18, 2008 at 9:36am

Last Knight, Do you know of any listings, formal or informal, of mental healthcare providers?

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Permalink Reply by Last Knight on September 19, 2008 at 10:36am

Afraid not. Sorry

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Permalink Reply by Delta on September 18, 2008 at 7:50am

Marriage counseling is one of the areas in which I have an interest. I am considering pursuing the training to become a certified marriage and family therapist. My path through higher education has taken me 14 years and in all that time, I have not run across any research, not even a discussion, on what a healthy pagan couple relationship would look like (no surprises there).

Faerie Gazer, I hope you were able to find a couples counselor who was pagan friendly back when you made this post.

I would be interesting in hearing about your experiences. I also am interested in hearing anyone’s comments on what a healthy pagan couple relationship would look like.

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Permalink Reply by Last Knight on September 18, 2008 at 9:02am

To my mind, that would be difficult. A healthy pagan couple could look like anything, with the exception of those that are obviously unhealthy. Yeah, I know that's vague, but it's true of any faith.

But one does have to be careful what one decides is unhealthy. Is a Master/submissive relationship unhealthy? I know several people who make it work every day, and both parties are very happy (but not pagan). At the same time, I know of several "equitable" partnerships in which they get in so many fights they are seperated more often than they are together.

So it has to be what is right for that couple, as with any marriage counceling.

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Permalink Reply by Delta on September 18, 2008 at 9:34am

Of course it would be difficult to identify “healthy” traits of a Pagan couple relationship because of the diversity of paganism; that’s why I asked for feedback. However consider this, Pagans generally do have values that differ from that of, oh, shall we say, Christians for instance. Many of today’s couple’s therapy grants from the federal government go to faith-based programs - most often Christian based. The counseling models used by these programs often encourage at least some values that are inappropriate for Wiccans and other Pagans. As a therapist I have specialized in diversity issues. One thing I have learned, it is that if we attempt to be blind to our differences, we invite misunderstandings. We cannot be faith- or alternative spiritually-blind (i.e., faith and values make no difference; couple values are the same across the population) any more than we can be “color-blind” and expect to be able to address the specific and unique needs of our clients.

This does not mean the majority of values and traits found in a healthy couple relationship will not be the same as a couple whose relationship is based on Christian values or has a non-sectarian relationship. [A “healthy relationship” by my definition is happy and functional according to the couple’s perception. So long as they are happy and functional with the way things are, there is no need for anyone to fix it.]. There are differences within a Pagan relationship that impart different needs when they present for counseling. It has been my experience that too many counselors and therapists are blind to the different needs of their Pagan clients. I would like to identify those differences.

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Permalink Reply by Cindy Bidwell Glaze on November 23, 2008 at 9:11pm

Greetings,
I had a counselor when I was in my first major depression who was definitely secular. My faith was what was making me well, and she stood by me for it. My husband would come in one session out of four and we would discuss our faith as well as our problems.

When I went to a shaman for a soul-retrieval, she asked for as much information as we could give her. She then gave us a form to fill out so she could contact the shaman before and after the ritual. She called before to make sure her information was correct and after to check if her therapy was in line with the beliefs and ask for advice from him as a professional.

Our differences in her mind were that we really, truly believed in what we said we believed in. Most non-clergy Christians she dealt with did not, although they said they did. She learned about family, Family and soul-sibs. She understood why we needed to honestly ask ourselves if adding a third would work for us. It wouldn't.

I don't think we were any different from any other clients with her. That is why we stayed with her until we moved out of state. As Delta said, a healthy couple is healthy, and if it works for all in the group, it works. Dis-functional is qualitatively different from different.

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Permalink Reply by Hypnotherapist on May 21, 2009 at 4:48am

Nearly all licensed therapist & counselors keep their foundational beliefs private to the general public. To find someone you will quite literally need to interview. Most, at least in my state [WA] wont even risk telling you those kinds of things over the phone. Being pagan is so popular that people will actually show up in fount of pagan shops and hold big signs. As big signs creates big issues people desiring to pay bills.. Pagan friendlies keep vary private. Oh, and my favorite, pagans even divide among each other.

If your issues are emotional, communicative & relationship... how is it that your belief system is interfering? If you would consider such a question to be in kind and from my heart.
Douglas

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