The Cackling Cauldron

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Comment by Silverowl on June 23, 2008 at 12:13pm

A few chuckles for the week.

>Short and Funny
>I dialed a number and got the following recording:
>"I am not available right now, but
>Thank you for caring enough to call.
>I am making some changes in my life.
>Please leave a message after the
>Beep. If I do not return your call,
>You are one of the changes."
> ~~~~~
>
> Aspire to inspire before you expire.
>~~~~~
>
>I LOVE THIS NEXT ONE!
> My wife and I had words,
>But I didn't get to use mine.
>~~~~~
>Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
>~~~~~
>Blessed are those who can give without remembering
>And take without forgetting.
> ~~~~~
> The irony of life is that, by the time
>You're old enough to know your way
>Around, you're not going anywhere.
>~~~~~
>God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
>Of an answer for her first question.
> ~~~~~
>I was always taught to respect my elders,
>But it keeps getting harder to find one.
> ~~~~~
>Every morning is the dawn
>of a new error.
>~~~~~
>

Comment by Lady Seren, The Country Witch on June 21, 2008 at 4:26pm

Groan ....lol! Rustler!

Comment by Silverowl on June 19, 2008 at 1:38pm

Today's groaner ---"Where is everybody?" the cowboy asks.
"They've all gone to see Brown Paper Pete hang." says a bystander.
"Why do they call him that?" the cowboy asks.
"Well, he always wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper shirt and brown paper trousers."
"Really?" says the cowboy. "And what are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling."

Comment by Lady Seren, The Country Witch on June 9, 2008 at 4:04pm

LOL! Both of those are great Wytch Katya! Sorry I havent been around much...summer traveling! Home again for a while! Hope everyone is well and full of smiles and laughter!
Seren

Comment by *~WytchKatya71~* on June 1, 2008 at 3:34pm

FEEL THE MAJIK - WITCHY'S WIKKED GRAPHIX

Comment by *~WytchKatya71~* on May 28, 2008 at 10:18am

Comment by Jamie Isla on May 23, 2008 at 12:31pm

LIE DETECTOR-


John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy,their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

'Son,' said John,'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'

'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.

'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.

'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'

'I am ashamed of you son,' said John.
'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy.After all, he is your son!'

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Comment by Jamie Isla on May 23, 2008 at 12:29pm

DO YOU THINK HARRY IS A TURTLE?

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"



Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.



While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation. The principal told Ms.Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.



Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him he agreed to take the test.



Principal: " What is 3 x 3? "

Harry: "9"



Principal: "What is 6 x6?"

Harry: "36"



And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her," I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal," Let me ask him some questions."



Ms.Brooks: " what does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"



Harry, after a moment:"legs"



Ms.Brooks:" What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"



The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!



Harry replied:"Pockets"



Ms.Brooks:"What does a dog do that a man steps into?"



Harry:"Pants"



Ms.Brooks:" What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', is hairy,oval,delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"



Harry:" Coconut."



The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.



Ms.Brooks:"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer,

Harry replied:"Bubble gum."



Ms.Brooks:"What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"



Harry:"Shake hands." The principal was trembling.



Ms.Brooks:"What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K'

That means a lot of heat and excitement?"



Harry:" Fire truck"



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,"Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven wrong..

Comment by Lady Seren, The Country Witch on May 22, 2008 at 1:31am

LOL Silverowl! Reminds me of some of my jobs. My shortest lived job was at a dry cleaners...it was so hot I kept getting nose bleeds and only lasted 4 hours. Blessings, Seren

Comment by Silverowl on May 16, 2008 at 7:08pm

Here's a few groaners to end the week.......

My Resume'...
1. My first job was working in an
Orange Juice factory, but I got canned.
I couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a
Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it,
so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor,
but I just wasn't suited for it -
mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler
Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it
would add a little spice to my life,
but I just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted to be a Deli Worker,
but any way I sliced it I couldn't
cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but
eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a
Doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory.
I tried but I just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional
Fisherman, but discovered that
I couldn't live on my net income.

11. I managed to get a good job working
for a Pool Maintenance Company,
but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout
Center, BUT THEY SAID I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work! , I finally got a job as a Historian -
until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks,
but I had to quit because it was
always the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT
AND FOUND THAT
I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB! .

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