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I believe iv been contacted by one of the moon goddesses in a dream but I have been unable to form an id and it happened in 2010. The dream included black cats leader of which morphed in to a silver eyed black panther, I keep thinking of Artemis, Bast and now Hanwi but I'm not sure does anyone have a clue. I have gained no insight through meditations. I have strong connections to the weather so that maybe a clue but I am at a complete end and don't no which way to turn, any ideas??

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Maybe I'm making an assumption but it sounds like you may be concerned that your matron goddess contacted you.  If so you may also be concerned that you can't pay her proper homage because you don't know who she is.  Or maybe you just are worried that a deity contacted you with a message and you don't know what the message was or who the deity delivering it was.  Your "plea for help" is very vague.  Because of that I'll be honest the cerebral side of me saw your message and was tempted to ignore it.  That said, I do feel a pull to talk to you about this and try to be of what assistance I can, so I'm not going to ignore it.  My own goddess has directed me specifically to be more active in my pagan life and I'm feeling I need to talk to you plainly about this. 

 

Be patient and calm down is the first step.  You can't rush these sorts of things.  I know you said this happened in 2010 so it may not feel like rushing to you but I'm referring to the frantic tone you're writing in more than anything.  Strangers on pagan space aren't going to be able to tell you who your deity is, especially with references as vague as black cats and (maybe) weather. 

 

Your deity relationship is something you must establish yourself, and you seem to have tried this to no avail and so I assume this is where I am supposed to try to help you.  I know virtually nothing about you and don't know how seasoned in meditation or other craft work that you are so don't take this offensively -- but have you considered that if meditations haven't worked for 3 years maybe the universe is telling you to try something else?  Maybe meditations aren't your forte; different people have different talents, and as much as popular pagan books like to emphasize visual and guided meditation, it's not the only way. 

 

When do you feel most inspired and closest to the divine?  During storms?  While dancing around a fire?  In the rain?  In strong sunshine?  When drumming or singing?  In forests or parks?  At home?  Whatever that time/place(s) is, have you tried contacting deity in those particular conditions and situations?  Traditional sitting-in-quiet or guided meditation isn't the only way to have visions or tap into/communicate with the divine.  Many people get to trance states in the middle of very mobile activities -- dancing, drumming, walking, singing, humming, tai chi, etc.  You don't have to go into a meditation to communicate with deity; it is manifest all around you.  For some people good old fashioned prayer works -- have you tried simply talking to the deity with your mouth?  Sometimes the easiest answers are the hardest to think of because they seem too simple!  Don't unnecessarily complicate your processes.  Nature and the divine are mystical, but they are also practical -- just look at creation.  There is very little about it that doesn't serve some practical purpose, and it always tries to use energy as efficiently as possible.

 

If you prefer to continue meditation as an avenue, then consider whether you are an audio, visual, or kinesthetic person.  Yes these are the "3 learning styles" but that's because they are the 3 ways people best understand communication (I'm a teacher so I know this).  When people talk to you do you listen to their words or visualize what they say as they talk (and I mean visualize naturally without trying or even thinking about it)?  Do you move your hands a lot when you talk and pay close attention to facial expressions and body language?  Does the atmosphere you're talking in distract you?  This is about communication with your deity so the answers to those questions should be significant to you.  If you're a listener rather than a visualizer, maybe visualization-style meditation isn't something you should pour too much energy into in the first place.  Some people hear their deity when they meditate, some people even get smells and sensations of textures.  You don't have to pour all your energy into what you "see" with your mind in a meditation if doing so is going uncomfortably against the grain for you -- go natural. 

 

If you feel you were in fact contacted by a deity, you don't have to know the deity's name to contact it back.  You also don't have to rely only on meditations, waiting for it to show itself again.  Don't just be a passive receptor; be active.  Tell "the deity I feel tried to contact me and showed me the cats" directly that you are interested in knowing it and ask it to show you or tell you who it is.  Then keep your mind, eyes, ears and fingers open.  You might "happen to" notice the same/similar thing repeatedly.  You might suddenly get an epiphany.  You could have another dream.  The point is you need to be active in your pursuit without stressing about it or thinking about it.  If you've been searching books and the internet and your friends for goddesses related to both the moon and black cats/panthers but can't find anything that feels right, then you don't have enough information.  Also if it's been 3 years since last contact you have to consider the possibility that it was merely a contact that you needed in your life at the time and not meant to be anything permanent.  Different things in our lives trigger the presence of deity in different manifestations; it's not like you are "stuck" with only being able to deal with your patron and matron deities all your life.  If your matron deity is Sekmet (for example), you wouldn't want her to "help" when you have domestic problems!

 

Just take a deep breath and try not to be so cerebral about it.  Thinking and looking in references hasn't helped, so turn your brain down and your awareness up.  Don't look for signs in every little thing -- this should be almost effortless.  Have you tried casting a spell or sending out energy purposed toward finding out who your p/matron deities are?  Cast the spell or say the prayer or directly ask the deity the question, and then sit back and let it be.  Let it fall to the back of your mind and almost forget about it, that way you won't stress about it.  Plan to ask again every full moon (or whenever you deem best) if you still haven't received an answer within a month, but otherwise let it be.  If you think about it too much, you'll want to see answers in every leaf that falls.  Sometimes it's difficult for us to be patient and open enough to receive our answer; it happens to everyone at some point.  I've been a pagan for 7 years and I didn't know who my p/matron deities were until 3 and a half years into serious practice.  Some people know who their deities are before they even know they're pagan!  It's different for different people.  The key is don't flood your brain with stressing about it too much or else when your answer does come you may not be able to see the forest for the trees!  (Plus, if you let it rest, you are showing your confidence that you will receive an answer by not stressing about it.  You have to be confident that you will receive an answer in order to receive one, just as you must be confident your magic will work in order for it to work.)  Relax and be confident and optimistic and quiet your mind so you can hear the voice of deity.

 

I hope that this was at least somewhat helpful.  Even if the specific ideas I listed aren't best for you, I hope it has been able to spark some inspiration for other ways to go about things that might be more relevant for you.  Best of luck.

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