Question about what age to have a baby.

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Permalink Reply by St. Lawrence de Versaille on June 13, 2009 at 11:29pm

hi there, I've read with interest your question re age to have a baby. I wouldnt be listening to others who are being negative and putting fear on you regarding your a)meeting someone special to partner and have children with and b)generalising re the supposed 'right age' to have a child. Certainly as women get older the ease at which they fall pregnant may diminish, but staying fit, healthy and positive also has a lot to do with it. Unfortunately, these days even very young women are having problems with their fertility, mainly I believe because of poor nutrition, stress and lack of knowledge. As a Naturopath/homeopath practicising professionally I've assisted quite a few women to become pregnant, who have all incidentally been well over 38 and a good friend of mine was 44!!! Her case was she married late at 42, had a baby fairly quickly - successfully...then a couple of years later had three or four miscarriages in a short space of time. She came to me for treatment - and the first thing I told her was a) to stop trying to get pregnant for a couple of months and b)to rest, detox and generally get more physically and emotionally well - i.e. she'd been through heaps with the miscarriages for a start.

She succesfully got pregnant a few months later, but also kept on the herbs, homeopathics etc. so as to ensure a healthy pregnancy and not lose the baby....baby was born very very quickly, father had to deliver her actually, and all were well and happy.

The reason I'm telling you this is that you are so much younger than she was, yet she succeeded against some odds too.... I personally think good nutrition, plenty of zinc, folate and all the other vits, especially Vit E and Vit C, every day, now on even....and when the time comes you won't have a problem. I wouldnt start being concerned till you are at least 36, and if you havent got a partner by then, maybe find a way! The biggest thing stopping natural pregnancies too is stress of tryingto get pregnant! You read plenty of stories where people have given up and gone and adopted, then voila, when they are happy and relaxed and given up trying, they get pregnant! So - don't listen to negativity, don't discuss it with people - just do the right things, which will enhance your overall health and wellbeing anyway. Drinking Red Clover tea and Raspberry leaf tea will help prepare the body to get pregnant and is beneificial during it.

It seems to be the trend here in Oz that most new mums are over 35 anyway...gonna be interesting down the track at peoples 21st 's when most of the mums are like 60 y.o. (i.e. grandma age! lol )

blessings to you....enjoy your life without too much responsibility while ye may, as being a parent is a job for life, believe me!! St. L.

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Permalink Reply by Shay on June 14, 2009 at 7:43am

I got pregnant when I was 35 and I am grateful that I waited to start a family. I am financially more able to spoil him and not have to do without as much as my parents did. I am also more patient than I would have been in my younger years and am grateful that I had time to enjoy myself and do things that I wanted to do. More and more people are waiting to have a family so I don't think that is as much of an issue anymore either. I also know your feeling of frustration of "OK...now I am on a clock and while I have got some time, I need to get my act together" feeling. I think that tends to happen to a lot of independent women who plan their lives and once you start getting towards 30 you start wanting babies. (I know I did). When it is time it will happen!

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Permalink Reply by Felia de Luna on June 15, 2009 at 9:34pm

Hi Allie! I read your post and I can understand where you are coming from. I am twenty-three and am waiting to have children myself because, personally, I feel that I would be in a much better position to care for children later in my life. I do have my moments when I want to change my mind and have a baby now, but the truth is that I am just not ready. My parents were 31 and 33 when I was born and I had an absolutely wonderful childhood and still have a fabulous relationship with them today.
My fiance is seven years my senior and is turning 30 in August. The fact that I want to wait five more years to have a baby means that he will be around 35 or 36 when (and if) we have a baby. Personally, I think just about any age is fine to have a child so long as it's best interests are at heart and it can be cared for and loved properly. That is what truly matters. Lovely post Allie!
Brightest Blessings!
~*~ Felia

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Permalink Reply by Toria Dunford on September 26, 2009 at 8:56pm

Hi, Allie. I had my son at age 35, and in many ways it was good that I waited. I have a lot more patience now than I did in my twenties, and more life experience over all, which has stood me in good stead because he turned out to be a special-needs child. Since I'm a stay-at-home mom, we don't have extra money - in fact, we have a lot less now than we did in my twenties when I was working at a well-paying job. Still, we're getting by.

On the negative side, the chances of a miscarriage or of genetic problems like Downs Syndrome go up as a woman gets older. A woman has all her eggs when she is born, and they get older with her, so by the forties they're getting past their prime. But you have plenty of time until then. Certainly don't let friends stampede you into thinking you have to do something about the baby question Right Now. It's best not to jump into a decision like that.

BTW, I don't think my kid's special-needs status (autism) has anything to do with my age at conception . . . but I could be wrong. I'm not really sure if there's a connection. I also had a complication (pre-eclampsia) and that can be related to the mother's age, among other things. Anyway, you never know what life is going to throw at you when you get pregnant. If there's one thing pregnancy and parenthood has taught me, it's that we don't have as much control in our lives as we usually think we do. No matter how your pregnancy progresses or what kind of kid your baby turns out to be, you'll have both challenges and joys that you can't really expect or even picture now. Becoming a parent is like entering a whole new world.

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Permalink Reply by Gwenhwyfar Aine on September 30, 2009 at 10:44pm

I'm pretty sure that having children when your older doesn't cause autism. I have two very good friends with sons that are autistic, and one girl had him when she was 20 and the other had him when she was 24.

I think everyone should wait until they are at least 30. People need to give themselves time to be themselves and not have to worry about providing for another person. When your 20 you just got out of your parents house, more than likely, and you need to explore the world, to go school, figure out what life is all about before bringing a helpless child into the world. Enjoy your independence and do whatever you want to do. If children never come, then perhaps it was meant to be. You can always foster, adopt, or help others(for example, I don't want children especially but I'm a god-mother).

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Permalink Reply by Chesh on October 5, 2009 at 4:15pm

Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with having a baby in your 30's. Too many people now days want to have babies when they are 15, 16 years old. Thats what is insane to me, those people are still babies themselves. If u ask me, you're just being responsible. I promised myself that I wouldn't have babies until I graduated from collage and had a job in my field. I'm 25, have my degree, a job in my field, the man of my dreams, and a beautiful 6 month old (Ava Vail). Granted, the relationship with my sweetie, and the baby happened pretty fast, but I wouldn't have things any other way. (we were best friends, ended up getting engaged surprisingly, then 3 weeks later I found out that I was 2 weeks pregnant)
If you are ok with having a baby in your 30's then thats all that matters. Ignore all those comments, they only bring negativity into your life and no one needs that.
Things will happen as they are meant to, and to be so concerned shows that you will be a good mommy too. :)

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Permalink Reply by Desert Rain on October 26, 2009 at 10:00pm

I had just turned 31 and my wife had just turned 27. She's still finishing school, so I'm the primary bread winner. My advice as an overworked husband is, if you plan on going to school or starting a new career, do that first if you can. Trying to start your own life and a newborn is pure exhaustion. We're not going to try for another for at least 2-3 years after our careers have settled down. I don't regret it at all, though. For men, playing catch with their sons is a big deal. My own father is 40 years older than I, and there was so much he was physically unable to do with me. So as a guy, I want all my kids before I'm 35 so I can enjoy a long life with them and their kids as well.

Ultimately, it is how you feel about it. Younger means more lifetime with them, but struggle. Older means less struggle, but also less time. Find what fits you and your life goals best, and also takes your children's interests to heart too. While it is a medical miracle that women can have children even into their sixties, a 20yr old child with an 80yr old parent is not very fair to them.

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