I have had alot on my mind up till now, wait what am I saying I still hae alot on my mind. so to let some off my mind i will put it in this post.
first and formost Of corse is my bills. those are always on my mind, trying to figure out how to pay for them and so on. I am still working with my father but since it is spring there isnt alot of work yet for us up here. we dont have grass yet so no lawns, and we dont have alot of snow so no moving snow. I have been working on my store trying toget things to sell. the sooner that store starts to take off the less i will have to worry about my bills.
second thing on my mind is my Freind Johnathon Goessl. Please dont think me naeve. John and I have been freinds for more then 11 years. I know i have deep feelings for him. and i know he has feelings for me. We both have the same fear that if we date what will it do to our freindship. I worry about that but My feelings For him tell me go for it.
Resently I did have a chat with a nother friend of mine that does phychic readings for a living. well she answered 2 questions for me. First was about my store. she said it will take off and go well but it needs more advertising. ooi i have been working on that for the last 2 years. My second question was on John. I asked if john and i are ment to be till death do we part. She answered me a few days later telling me yes we are ment ot be but john needs to do a little growing up yet. no suprize lol. she actually reasured the feeling i have had since john and i tried dating last summer and since i started up my store.
Dont ask why john and I didnt keep dating lets just leave it as he wasnt ready yet. he had some things he needed to work threw first that he didnt before he asked me out. I understand that and so far he has had over 8 months. I know he is almost ready but he is worried about what it will do to our freindship. after all we have known each other since we were around 6 years old. if i remeber right john was my first freind. I understand his worry and like i told his mom i would be sceptical of saying yes to him if he didnt contemplate what this can lead to first. the more time he thinks about it the better.
My only prob is I cant get him off my mind. I dream about him day and night. and well as you can see i talk alot about him as well. I know i am on his mind too. I have seen our wedding and our first born child a beautiful baby boy only 2 weeks after he left me. I have made drawings without trying to and his face apears in them. i know artisits usualy draw whats in subconsous but i cleared my mind and let my hand do the drawing. A freind of mine calls me an atomatic drawer. because i did one piture a month after john and i that came up with me in a hidden room looked like a hiden alter room that i was meditating in. other than that one pic i did was of a farm with john in the background. i am in the forground holding a baby and showing it to my animals.
I know i need to be paticent but it is so hard when i see what i want infront of me.