Since ranting my anxieties into my blog helped before going to work, I thought rambling here would help settle my brain so I might fall asleep more quickly.
There's a lot on my mind. First: he'll have me working register tomorrow. They had me work one a little the other night and it was so overwhelming. I hated it. And I'll have to do it again tomorrow. *groans* I wish I could do everything except the cash register! I don't think that would fly with my boss, but I'll tell him how nervous it makes me and maybe we can work out a compromise. Aside from that, everything else at work isn't difficult. And I enjoy my fellow employees as well as my boss. But...Still. My therapist advised against me working there because the place is so chaotically busy at times. At Wal-mart I had an emotional meltdown from the stress and just walked out in hysterics. I don't want that to happen again. So far it doesn't seem as bad as the Wal-mart job, but it does get hectic and there's way more to learn/memorize. Working the cash register makes me feel panicky.
Aside from that: a lot of thought provoking conversations in chat tonight. Mainly about race, racism and the problems we face as humans. I perceive all human beings as belonging to the same race, I try not to separate us according to physical attributes. To me, culture is more of separation factor than skin or hair color. If I had been born in China, I would still look the same but I would belong to the Chinese culture. You don't have to have specific physical features to belong to a Culture or a religion. I think this is a characteristic philosophy of Druids, though it wasn't my newly Druid path that brought me to it; that is a belief I've developed over the years out of personal experiences. I like how the mesh well together. Finding a spiritual path that contains the same or similar philosophy seems to be a good match in my book.
I also see gender in this light: men and women have different abilities, but one is not universally better than the other. I prefer the concept of balance. Souls are without gender and race, and when we approach a spiritual path, that is the core we are drawn by: the soul. That means it doesn't matter what a person's sex, gender or "race" is because the soul is without. I feel every bit a Native American even though I have no Native American blood. I feel that African Americans are my brothers and sisters. We're all related (in a non-incestuous way). And it is our infinite diversities as cultures and individuals that make us such a fulfilling, fascinating species. We balance each other out through our differences. That is why I don't see people who believe differently as wrong; just because it is not in agreement with my personal truths, doesn't mean it is not a truth for them.
I want to spend my life interacting with as many different people and cultures as possible. Because something can be learned from every one of them, and I would prefer to connect and understand than to not know and live in ignorance. I accept - even expect - conflicts will occur, but that doesn't mean there's a foundation for hate. Just differences. I will try to respect them to the best of my ability.