Today was simply hellish. Everything that could go wrong DID go wrong. I slowly shut down mentally until I couldn't function anymore...completely lost it. My co-worker was kind enough to let me go in the back, sit down and calm myself. Everything was bad all around. I'm tired. I want a nap. And a shower with my lavender soap. My mom offered to take me out to buy something...a rare act of kindness. I'm so down that I'm not complaining, though I bet she'll hang it over my head and use it as emotional blackmail later. Whatever. I want something new. Sad how buying something cheers me up. *thinks* I'll make it something truly meaningful and worthwhile. There are Celtic candles sold at the mall, with Celtic pendants. Last time I was there I really wanted one but couldn't afford it. Maybe that's what I'll ask for. If not that, I'll search the bookstore and check out Hot Topic.
At least I didn't walk out like my last job. I refused to let myself leave that store, because it meant my co-worker would be alone and that would be the worst thing I could do. It was SO overwhelmingly busy. I feel bad for leaving her out there for 15 minutes while I cried and calmed down in the back of the shop. Definitely not a good shift for me to work on. I fucked up so many things, in so many ways. *covers face* But I didn't walk out, and of that fact I am proud.
I must look really pitiful when I'm upset, because one I came back out all the costumers were really sweet to me. One even said I looked nice today. Which was total bullshit. As I re-did my make-up in the back, I noticed my skin dried out all up the side of my face and was flaking like crazy. My make-up is smudged all over, and no matter how much foundation I put on, I couldn't hide my red nose. The crying dried out my skin even more. Just figures. But it was nice of him to say so. So I accepted it as a compliment and smiled. Better then crying all over again.