I came to a harsh realization today. I became involved in a conversation wherein I thought I was being encouraging, but my intent was perceived as antagonistic. I found myself arguing with the individual and getting harsh. The longer the argument went, the more I wanted to just shut the person down because I knew I was right. That is the first trap I fell into.
After I ended the argument and blocked the individual, I felt like I had less control over what I was saying. I felt an almost overwhelming need to be “right” and this feeling colored the rest of my day. I kept catching myself pushing an opinion without regard for how it would be received and then elaborating on it to prove its veracity.
I confronted my ego today. That part of me that I thought was well-controlled is actually worse than ever. I had to reteach myself the lesson of even truth, when delivered in a negative spirit, is worse than a lie. I realized that I have been opinionated and small minded, and to me, this is not acceptable.
I am making a change with how I interact with people; both online and offline. I will only give my opinion if it is asked for, and then only if I know the spirit I am delivering it in. I want to help people and alleviate their suffering, not perpetuate it. My focus needs to be on my own Path and seeing to my own evolution instead of trying to dictate what other individuals need. I need to fully own the fact that the only mind I can change is my own, and other people need to be allowed to see to themselves and walk their own paths no matter how I feel about where they are headed.
I apologize for rambling a bit here, but I needed to get this out. I am not perfect. I hope to meet someone who is someday so I have a standard to strive for. Until then, I wish you all many blessings.
Ben McInnis G.EA., FGDS (Kurido)