The three "F"s of my title and sub-title…
Putting it all together – Wikipedia:
I like to start things out with the official or common definitions so that my foundation is known. It also makes me feel like my education hasn’t gone to waste. But these definitions don’t answer the question of “Why?” Why fake your faith? Why live in a fantasy? And the only real answer I can give is “why not?”
Life is incredibly boring. Or at least my life is. I am a mother of one little boy, going on two, teaching middle school math. I am a pagan, a hard polytheist and animist to be specific. This is real faith, I honestly believe that there are gods, and they are real. What I have a problem believing is their interest in me…
I greatly envy those who have had actual experiences that work to solidify their faith and those who are confident in their intuition or are able to feel the spirits or magic around them. Every few years or months I ache for spirituality in my life, but eventually, I also end up suffering a crisis of faith. Again, not in the existence of the spirits, or energy but in their interest and interaction with me. My most recent one hit me pretty hard, my husband lost his job and I didn’t get a job I truly believed I would. It didn’t help that I had some readings that pointed in the direction that neither of those things would happen and turns out they both did.
But I want to believe. I want to believe in magic and spirits and divination and such. I want to live a life where I can do little things like simple spells or prayers and they actually help. So, rather than lament the unlikeliness of these wishes I have decided to “fake it ‘til I make it.” I will learn and practice divination and magic, I will set up altars and pray to the spirits/kami and I will basically live the life I WANT to be true and not worry about whether or not it is real or pretend.
That is a simple and shallow answer to the potentially deep and complicated question of “why?” but eventually I will try and answer the “how” and dig a bit deeper into the “why?”