How to tell You are an American Witch

You have substituted soda-pop for wine in ritual with:

Coke: Traditional/Gardenarian
Cherry Coke: Alexandrian
Dr. Pepper: Eclectic
7-Up or Vanilla Coke: Dianic
RootBeer: Folk
GingerAle: Native American
Grape: Neo/Reconstructionist
Orange: Chaos
Pepsi: New Age/Wiccan
Cream Soda: Faery
Mountain Dew: Satanic

You have substituted cookies for cakes in ritual:

Almond Cookies: Traditional/ Gardenarian
Brownies: Alexandrian
Chips Ahoy: Eclectic
Sugar Cookies: Dianic
Oatmeal Raisin: Folk
Molasses: Native American
Pecan Sandies: Neo/Reconstructionist
Nutter Butters: Chaos
White Chocolate Macadamia Nut: New Age/Wiccan
Vanilla Wafers: Faery
Oreos: Satanic

(Realizing this would make me a new age satanic since I would substitute white chocolate macadamia nut and mountain dew)


~You bought your chalice on Ebay and it has at least on dragon on it.

~You bought your athame at a Flea Market and it has at least one dragon on it.

~Your pentacle on the altar is hand made ceramic that you bought at a Pagan Craft Faire and it has at least one dragon on it.

~ You have left an 'offering' of hotdogs and potato chips under the oak tree after a family cook-out.

~You consider the end of your driveway as a 'crossroads'.

~You have ever honored the Lord & Lady from a tent in the backyard.

~Marshmallows and S'mores are incorporated in your Beltaine Fire celebration.

~Your home is Feng-Shui, your Chakras are all open, and your Aura is clean, and you are NOT concerned about your Karma because you harmed none today.

~You have ever saved the last sip of Mocha Latte and the last bite of Krispy Kreme for the Faeries (they LOVE Krispy Kremes!)

~You have ever used Kosher Salt on the altar or burned Opium incense (it does smell better than Sandalwood!)

~You have ever used the Flag of the United States as an altar cloth (only on 4th of July, Memorial Day, and Veteran's Day!)

~At least one of your ritual robes is denim or tie-dyed.

~Your Goddesses are Isis & Diana and your Gods are Odin, Herme, & Dionysius and if you invited them to a dinner party you would serve sushi and quesadillas.

~You have ever smudged your bathroom with white sage after your husband/boyfriend/brother/father used it.

~...And finally you KNOW you are an American Witch if you hope someday to make a Sacred Pilgrimage to Salem, Massachusetts.