My father passed away Tuesday, October 25th. I feel the need to ramble a bit so I hope no one minds that I do that here. My father has been battling cancer for some time, however it was still sudden. Honestly, this was the type of man you never expected to go. I am sure we all feel that way about some one we love. To say the least I am heartbroken. The very least.
My parents divorced when I was 2 and my father won custody of me. He didn't remarry until after I graduated high school. My father was an entertainer, performing snake shows, exotic animal shows and was featured on several television programs. And he was a Christian...raised me on the front pew (literally) at church. Although, later in my life I turned away from the way he believed he never pushed me or tried to convince me other wise. He simply just loved me.
My father had a very twisted sense of humor and several times the family and I would bust out into laughter over the craziness of it all. I keep thinking how funny dad would have found some things. Such as the "Dignity memorial" water bottles.
I hate the fact he won't see my children graduate, or me turn 40. I hate the fact I won't see him again or talk to him again. I hate the fact I can't ask him his opinion and do it my way anyway. I simply hate he is gone.
I know I will survive this. I know that, but for right now, I just want to curl up and cry and for a good long time. I am scared this feeling of loss and pain and emptiness will not go away.