I am glad to see this year finally come to an end. I have been faced with so many different dilemmas that i'm hoping that next year will only bring the brightest blessing for me. The one thing i want to leave behind as time comes winding down is this feeling of hurt and pain. I've yet to actually deal with all these emotions. I've had them bottled since June 15th and have never been able to deal with them in fear that many might see me as being weak or unable to handle life. I've always been seen as this strong independent woman who can handle whatever life may see fit to throw at me. I mean I have been on my own since i was about seventeen and have been dealing with life quite well thus far. However on this fearful day so much changed for me. I was nine weeks pregnant and on this day i miscarried. Im still torn up inside till this day! Why?! Why wasn't i able to have the one thing i felt i wanted more in life? It doesn't seem fair to me that people can have multiple abortions in our world and not even blink an eye or have any remorse for what they are doing! I'm not saying i'm against abortions for the most part ... but i am against the ability to take advantage of their services! I was ready ... excited ... willing to raise my child and try everything in my power to give it the best life ever! Yes i was going to be a single parent but that shouldn't have mattered! Many people do it on their own and are great parents! I just don't understand why this happened. I understand this is just me ranting and rambling but i need to finally let this out. I have no one that i feel that i can turn to because i don't want them to see me like this. I just don't know what to do sometimes. I feel so upset and hurt because i sometimes just don't know how to deal with all this hurt that i'm feeling. Hopefully after this new year i will find the strength to finally over come all of this. I hate crying my eyes out when ever i think about this.
Here's to 2009 ... maybe it bring us all what our hearts desire most