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I've mostly recovered from last night's act of stupidity. I just wish more of the hair dye had stained my hair before I ran off to wash it out. The color would have looked stunning. Now I seem to have bits of red highlights. *sighs* My vision of beautiful red hair just died with my delicate condition. Once again I'm wondering if I'm really fit to survive in this human body. Now more odds are piling up for me to defy: electromagnetic field sensitivity, hypersensitivity to chemicals and metals (particularly nickel). All the things that our world (or human world more specifically) is composed of. Being human doesn't agree with me. XD

Back in the old days, if I survived birth and the first 3 years of life, I'd end up being the delicate sickly child who grew into a delicate young woman that needed to live in a peaceful country manor. There's little room for women like this in modern society. We're expected to be careerists, mothers, and wives. A delicate women would end up being dependent upon her husband, a big social "no-no" these days. I am huge supporter of women's liberation, I even consider myself a Feminist...but sometimes I wish I could be that lady of old days who could be dependent upon her husband and taken care of, with room for painting, reading and writing. Half the time I don't feel cut out for the hard work; I get overwhelmed, shut down, stressed and anxious. It takes days for me to recover. I wish the world didn't feel like its too much for me, that I didn't have to check out. And every day I have to fight against that part of me. I have to fight to be a functioning member of society so I'm not a hunk of flesh wasting oxygen and space.

No sleep is enough. I'm still so tired. At least I don't have to work today. Instead I'm going to do research into my health conditions and begin making lifestyle alterations. But what if I can't do college? I mean...right now, my entire future rests on my career goals...I don't know what I'd do, or who I'd be without them. I want to be a therapist so badly, to help people in a small quiet clinic. Its one of the things I'm really good at. What else can I do? Hard labor wears me down, not to mention the exposure to an environment that is literally toxic for me. I feel like there's no place for someone like me in this world at times.

But I'm alive, and it's good to be breathing. It suddenly hit me last night that I could die from this. Now I'm taking my condition more seriously. But I will admit that it depresses me.

Views: 20

Comment by Derek Sams on March 1, 2010 at 1:42pm
Your human it's called Depression you take antidepressants and you will feel better try Zoloft
Comment by Amy on March 1, 2010 at 1:44pm
Hi, Im sorry to hear about your health. Some things you said made me think about some nutrition seminars i have attended lately. I see a chiropractor who is a specialist in nutrition, his program isnt just about bones but the whole body. we have a lot of work shops about toxins and the health affects it takes on us, also what the FDA and others do to hide it from our knowledge (no it isnt anti gov ranting lol) anyway all the symptoms you described sound amazingly similar to some forms of toxic over load or "poisoning" when your body just cant filter i anymore. Going natural (soaps and detergents) and organic (youd be sick to know how many toxins are in your food) is the very short version of how to help your body heal. Google Maximized Living (i dont know where you live but they have offices all over the country) if you are interested and cant find the google send me a message and ill locate the link for you (im on my way out or id do it now) good luck and please ask me anything...i really think this can help you. May the Moon Always Shine on Your Path
Comment by Pixie Fables on March 1, 2010 at 1:49pm
LOL Derek. Thanks, but I'm already on an anti-depressant. ;)

Thanks for the info Amy. I'll look it up and see what I can find!
Comment by Pixie Fables on March 1, 2010 at 2:40pm
Hmm. Maybe I am depressed. But its because of the health problems I've been having! I can't even dye my hair anymore! My diet has become limited and everything my skin comes into contact with seems to make it rash out. Its like my body hates me and is revolting against me. Wouldn't that make you depressed too? :( ...maybe not. XD
Comment by Amy on March 1, 2010 at 10:32pm
it sounds like a lot more then depression. the sensitivity to food and the rashes. not to mention a toxic over load can cause fatigue, head aches, insomnia, hormonal/emotional swings. you could be treating a depression that might be induced by your body simply being too sensitive to whats in your environment. here is the link; http://www.maximizedliving.com/
theres ton of info about everything from nerve supply to programs, nutrition an yes toxins. i hope this helps. merry met and be well

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