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I'm a recent 'homelessness survivor.' I have two sons. I've been with the same man for almost 4 years presently. My step-mom died right after age 51, 12 yrs ago. My dad, the most important person in my life all my life (other than my sons) died right after age 69 in 2010. My mother, who I barely knew, died right after age 58 in 2012. I have no family other than my sons and two half-brothers that I've been trying to get to know. I also have two half-sisters. One I sort of know, via postal mail and online. The other, I don't know what so ever, just her name.

I don't believe in "God," and I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the thought of there being 'many' of such. I do believe in 'energy,' and I read/learn about quantum physics, as well as many other realms. I'm not a scholar in anything, I don't hold any degree of any sort in anything. I just like to learn, and about much.

One of the reasons why I don't hold the belief of 'that God created everything' is that I cannot grasp the view point that 'someone' did such as that. To me, placing a gender on "it" has caused problems in this world (on Earth between human beings). I am so far from any "God" at this point in life than I have ever been previously, and previously, I thought I was very far away. In a way, I "hate" that people place gender on such important topics/realms/ideas/etc. I don't think it does the human race much good, based on what I have learned thus far. I am not an Atheist. I have encountered way too much "weird" happenings to label myself that way. I do believe that there is 'something' going on outside of us/me. I just don't know what that 'something' really is, yet.

After my dad died, I really started to re-think many things. Everything I thought I knew, changed. Even in my believing in the 'spiritual realm.' Maybe it was denial. Maybe it was learning about other people, or realms. But I do know that my life has always been kinda seemingly 'not like everyone else's' and even more so after my dad died. I say that not just in the spiritual way of thinking, but also in a psychological way of thinking, and then some (if that makes any sense to you).

I also don't have any friends anymore other than the two I have online, because they live far away (?). I know them personally, offline, but they live far away. I thought I had friends, but once things in my life started to go downward, everyone acted like they didn't know me anymore. They scattered like roaches in the light.

I don't know anymore where to go to find new friends. Friends meant the world to me being that I didn't/don't have family. But I know not everyone feels the same way I do about having friends.

So, before I actually became homeless recently, and I knew it was coming even after striving so long, certain people would ask me, "Is there anyone you can stay with?" I wanted to say, "Um, obviously not being that I am going to be homeless now at this point. Here's ur sign."

No one chooses such a thing. If they do ever, I would really like to know why.

Why would anyone choose to be at a certain level of being and then choose to be homeless and choose everyone not liking them for it and choose not being able to be in their kid's life as much and choose not being able to eat or eat properly and choose to be in unsafe places and choose so many other sorts of bad things that come along with the situation that the person KNOWS will come with it, and TELLS everyone how it will be if this were happen to them, and NO ONE offers a damn thing about it. Why would anyone do that? In that exact or very similar scenario. I know I didn't explain in detail but hopefully the gist is taken.

And I know how many think of the "homeless." "Must had been drugs or alcohol." "Must had been a mental illness." Must had been this or that. I know, I've heard it all, even the comments upon my son and I because we're not Christians. In my particular case, it was just the matter of being laid off from work and the company closing down. Then, it taking so long to become employed again. So please don't chalk me up into a category that I am not in until you ask questions. And I might not have the best worded answers, either, yet. I am still trying to adjust from the turmoil of the past 6 months, the past year, the past 4 years. (and somewhat of even since I was born)

Now that I am in an apartment (not my house with a yard, etc., anymore) in the city, again, not the country living I previously accomplished as I wanted all my life, I'm knocked back down to where I was and never wanted to be again. In an unsafe place, most of all. I could comment about the other things of this new place, but I know how most think about commenting about such things. I'll leave those parts alone for now.

I'm tired of being tired. I'm also tired of people automatically assuming the worst. I know I've been guilty of that myself but I think I've been conditioned to be that way, and I don't like it any more than I like others being that way of me.

The last thing I want/need are any person/God/anything negatively degrading me.

Thank you for reading this long blog of mine. It's a start to a new. I don't know what, but I'm trying.

Hugs to you!

 

Views: 118

Comment by Willow-Key on September 26, 2013 at 11:16pm

I'd like to extend Blessings of Light to you in this difficult time. I can empathize with you. I am on my third recovery of homelessness. I have started over that many times. It is exhausting. I just like to offer encouragement - you are doing well! Keep focused on your goals, even if you are having to start over to reach them again. For contemplation in such times (not that it is comforting, just logical for me) I use the Tower in the Tarot. It represents that which we built up in life is challenged by a storm. If it was not built strong enough, it is knocked down to its foundation. What is left in your life is what you know you can rely on...use that to build up from again. Evaluate what was weak in your structure of the past that caused it to fall in the storm that came, and create a better design for your next "Tower" that will defend against the storm. In my case (and maybe yours as well) the intensity of the storm that came and knocked down my Tower was not one I had considered to have to prepare for.

Honestly, for me, it helps to keep the heart open and positive. This seems to attract those people who ARE willing to help you...often strangers, who become new friends in your new life. I had strangers I barely knew (the wife and I had journalism class together in a different city a decade prior) who picked my family literally up from off the street, took us to their house, and they co-signed for our new apartment, paid for all the deposits for utilities, and bought us new beds. I paid them back over the years until all they had given me was paid off, but they did for me what even my own family would not. I had done nothing more than a simple spell/prayer that was answered that day. Such miracles, if they are in fact miracles, do happen. :)

I hope all works out in your endeavors and you regain all that you lost, and plus even more! I wish this blessing on us both and everyone else having to make it through this challenge in life. So many things can contribute to homelessness. Recently in California we had wildfires spread through so fast people didn't even have time to grab their shoes, much less any of their possessions. Even if they had insurance, it will take time to rebuild. For sure, express your frustration, but do not forge to count your blessings, too. Just a thought.

Comment by Willow-Key on September 26, 2013 at 11:17pm

* forge - forget

Comment by Jo Davidson on September 28, 2013 at 6:00pm

Wow! Thank you so much, Willow-Key! :)

And oddly, you mentioned the Tower in Tarot which is one of the three I got on a "silly" online quiz about 3 yrs before this happened. At the time, it made sense to me, as that's how things have been for me in my life. Build and re-build, also, certain people trying to tear me down.

In the recent homelessness matter, some didn't understand that it had to do simply with job lay-off and it becoming really hard to obtain another job lately. 559 applicants of one job I applied to, 200+ to another, so on and so on. UI ran out. I had no major help, no family really. But people tend to look down on ME for what had happened. Well, ya know, what was I supposed to do with no job and no place to go. It was as if some expected me to pull a 'miracle' out of my hat! To me, sometimes people in such situations just need the support and help of other people. I didn't have that either. Sure I barely had a half-brother I barely knew who lives across the country, and a boyfriend who was there then not there then there then not there, etc. Not much of a strong support system for me for a long long time. Friends acted like they barely knew me 'all of a sudden.' I did notice, too, that strangers were more willing to help out than those I personally knew and had helped them when they needed it. When the tables are turned, sure do find out who your true friends are.

One of the things that was weak in my structure was the company I was working for, among other aspects.

I'm glad to hear that things are going ok for you now. Let's hope this doesn't happen again?!

Many hugs to you! :)

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