I'm a recent 'homelessness survivor.' I have two sons. I've been with the same man for almost 4 years presently. My step-mom died right after age 51, 12 yrs ago. My dad, the most important person in my life all my life (other than my sons) died right after age 69 in 2010. My mother, who I barely knew, died right after age 58 in 2012. I have no family other than my sons and two half-brothers that I've been trying to get to know. I also have two half-sisters. One I sort of know, via postal mail and online. The other, I don't know what so ever, just her name.
I don't believe in "God," and I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the thought of there being 'many' of such. I do believe in 'energy,' and I read/learn about quantum physics, as well as many other realms. I'm not a scholar in anything, I don't hold any degree of any sort in anything. I just like to learn, and about much.
One of the reasons why I don't hold the belief of 'that God created everything' is that I cannot grasp the view point that 'someone' did such as that. To me, placing a gender on "it" has caused problems in this world (on Earth between human beings). I am so far from any "God" at this point in life than I have ever been previously, and previously, I thought I was very far away. In a way, I "hate" that people place gender on such important topics/realms/ideas/etc. I don't think it does the human race much good, based on what I have learned thus far. I am not an Atheist. I have encountered way too much "weird" happenings to label myself that way. I do believe that there is 'something' going on outside of us/me. I just don't know what that 'something' really is, yet.
After my dad died, I really started to re-think many things. Everything I thought I knew, changed. Even in my believing in the 'spiritual realm.' Maybe it was denial. Maybe it was learning about other people, or realms. But I do know that my life has always been kinda seemingly 'not like everyone else's' and even more so after my dad died. I say that not just in the spiritual way of thinking, but also in a psychological way of thinking, and then some (if that makes any sense to you).
I also don't have any friends anymore other than the two I have online, because they live far away (?). I know them personally, offline, but they live far away. I thought I had friends, but once things in my life started to go downward, everyone acted like they didn't know me anymore. They scattered like roaches in the light.
I don't know anymore where to go to find new friends. Friends meant the world to me being that I didn't/don't have family. But I know not everyone feels the same way I do about having friends.
So, before I actually became homeless recently, and I knew it was coming even after striving so long, certain people would ask me, "Is there anyone you can stay with?" I wanted to say, "Um, obviously not being that I am going to be homeless now at this point. Here's ur sign."
No one chooses such a thing. If they do ever, I would really like to know why.
Why would anyone choose to be at a certain level of being and then choose to be homeless and choose everyone not liking them for it and choose not being able to be in their kid's life as much and choose not being able to eat or eat properly and choose to be in unsafe places and choose so many other sorts of bad things that come along with the situation that the person KNOWS will come with it, and TELLS everyone how it will be if this were happen to them, and NO ONE offers a damn thing about it. Why would anyone do that? In that exact or very similar scenario. I know I didn't explain in detail but hopefully the gist is taken.
And I know how many think of the "homeless." "Must had been drugs or alcohol." "Must had been a mental illness." Must had been this or that. I know, I've heard it all, even the comments upon my son and I because we're not Christians. In my particular case, it was just the matter of being laid off from work and the company closing down. Then, it taking so long to become employed again. So please don't chalk me up into a category that I am not in until you ask questions. And I might not have the best worded answers, either, yet. I am still trying to adjust from the turmoil of the past 6 months, the past year, the past 4 years. (and somewhat of even since I was born)
Now that I am in an apartment (not my house with a yard, etc., anymore) in the city, again, not the country living I previously accomplished as I wanted all my life, I'm knocked back down to where I was and never wanted to be again. In an unsafe place, most of all. I could comment about the other things of this new place, but I know how most think about commenting about such things. I'll leave those parts alone for now.
I'm tired of being tired. I'm also tired of people automatically assuming the worst. I know I've been guilty of that myself but I think I've been conditioned to be that way, and I don't like it any more than I like others being that way of me.
The last thing I want/need are any person/God/anything negatively degrading me.
Thank you for reading this long blog of mine. It's a start to a new. I don't know what, but I'm trying.
Hugs to you!