So I have not been on pagan space in a long while. I created this page to be able to reference back to this site when I eventually had the time to participate. I really love everything about what pagan space has to offer, so I wanted to keep a connection with it.
Anyway, this blog is really a personal question that I've been wondering about for some time now. For the longest time I had always gone back and forth in my mind about what is the "right" way to be spiritually. I was raised Christian, but found my likes and attraction toward magick stronger. I accumulated many books and tools ...and then I got "saved" and went back to church and allowed myself to be influenced to throw out all my magickal items.
That's not all..keep reading..
Eventually magick found it's way back into my life because I never really let it go out of my heart. Some years passed, and I again allowed myself to be influenced by what people in the church said the bible had to say about magick and witchcraft and that it was wrong etc...and I again threw out all of what I accumulated since the last throw out.
All that said after that last time of going back into the church, I again was attracted to what is in my heart which is magick.
After throwing away my tools twice and having to regroup all the energy I accumulated in those tools into new things..I had wondered if it was possible that I threw away my own magickal energy and power as a witch?
Everything has energy and with such a powerful statement as to throw away what I believe in, I also wondered if the Goddess or Universe or whatever would be so kind and willing to in a sense "give me back what I'd thrown away" so easily.
Basically for the last 2 years, I've felt that I've been being tested magickally to see if I'm sticking to my guns this time. Although I've felt magick around me, I haven't felt it as much as before I threw away things the first time.
I've always felt that this current moment is a test to see if I will deny magick and the Goddess again. And if I pass this "test" then all the magick will return.
So basically what are anyone's thoughts on this? Am I over analyzing or crazy in my thinking on this?
Thanks for you input! :)