This past weekend my family celebrated my son's ninth birthday. It was a detective/special agent party. There were puzzles, riddles, clues, and a search for the bombs, secret potions and anecdotes, all to save the world. The party had gone smooth and was really enjoyable. The whole family was here and it was wonderful. I took a moment and stood back to watch. Everyone was relaxed and happy. Hubby and my older teens were taking the magnifying glasses and starting the bonfire, my nine and 10 year olds were playing ball, and my babies were trying to play catch. The daughter-in-law and grand baby were doing the stroller thing. Food was cooking on the grill, smelling awesome. Music was playing.
I realize that despite all of my past trauma, life was now good and calm. I do not remember a time in my childhood where it was ever calm or family even getting along. There was violence and loud noises everywhere at every occasion. My step father made life almost unbearable during holidays and celebrations. Alcohol and some drugs were being abused and cigarette smoke permeated the entire house. We lived on a farm and our closest neighbors were family and did nothing about it. We were a 30 minute drive to town and an hour and a half from the closest city. When parties died down family relations became way to intimate for all of us.
Then in essence I married my father. He hated holidays too. He drank and was violent and abusive to the whole family. It didn't start out that way, but as we became comfortable and had kids, he grew worse and worse. There was domestic violence and abuse all over again. Again I had little control. He controlled the money and demanded all of his wants by gun point. If I left the house or tried to go to college or work he would get the kids from the babysitters and threaten them. I was put in a position to constantly protect my children. I went to Children's services and they investigated me! They didn't even question him! They didn't even talk to the children. After that I was punished byhim. I tried the police with the same result. He had us involved in a cult like religious group that were just as abusive to their wives. I was told that I was miserable because I did not obey my husband. Really?
I met an angel. She had a physical deformity with many challenges. She had to overcome physical needs and social issues. And she did. She worked, lived on her own and was going to college. She loved my family and helped me see what I had inside and that I could be strong enough to do what was needed to be done. Her and I went on a long spiritual journey through study. She then gave I and my family the money needed to escape. She helped us pack up a uhaul while he was at work. Together her and I went to another state. He followed days later. I still do not know how he found us. Keep in mind my childhood family and my ex were financially well off. They assisted one another in finding us.
We went into protective shelters and I called the children's services and police in the new state to see if I could get help. I did. Things are different now. Many things were done legally and through therapy to accomplish it, but we are now free. I will tell that part of the story next time.
Needless to say I marvel at how we are happy and calm. We have dreams and goals. We are free from bondage. Our birthdays are some of the best things to celebrate. Just like the theme of the birthday party, we all learned how to be our own heros.
P.S. Keep in touch there will be more of the story to come. And Remember BE YOUR OWN HERO!!!