This is just a rant of mine that I typed sometime ago when I was mad about something or other, cuz that’s just what I do when I get up set I write or type. Most of the time I type/write about something completely different than what im mad about. something off topic, odd, yes but it gets my minds off of what im bothered by and gets things off my chest about other things that do or have bothered me in the past. Kind of a “kill two birds with one stone” type deal. So this is just anger and my random thoughts.
Some of us who have turned to Paganism have done so because we were unsatisfied with our previous religion, but still needed that void to be filled. The void to feel small, the void to feel that there is a higher power, the void to feel loved by that higher power. The power that is God/ Goddess. This is the explanation and encounters of why I became disenchanted with Christianity, why I came to love Wicca/Paganism and possibly random ramblingness.
I was raised as a “Roman Catholic.” I put the quotes around that phrase because I can remember being, well as young as five, maybe even younger, and just throwing a fit!!! I’d be begging, pleading if I could have a baby sitter and miss church. But that’s not really where it all started. My disenchantment began some years later but when I was still very young ,well younger than what I am now. I was still in grade school and I was playing the game board at recess my friend was near by and talking to another kid about religion. Now I’m not really the kind of person that listens in on those “sensitive” subjects but I wanted to know what my friend was talking about so I listened in. All I remember is that the girl she was talking to say, “Well, I was raised Catholic, so I was raised right and you weren’t so you weren’t raised right.” I was so shocked at this because I was being brought up Catholic too, but I felt that people who were brought up in other faiths (my Jewish/Druid best friend) were being raised right. I was just so angry with that girl and I don’t know why. Maybe it was because she said it to my best friend, or maybe it was for some other reason but I think a small part of my likening (what little I had for it, hated going to church/CCD) of my own religion that I had died in me, right there on the playground that day.
Now, I know I have had other negative experiences with Christianity (as I’m sure we all have) but none of them stick out quite as much as that one and the ones I’ve had with my father about my religion and my beliefs (numerous of them of them protesting my not wanting to go to church, because God should just love me whether I prayed in “his house” or my house ). Another time was when I had to go to confession. We had gotten a new priest every one thought he was an amazing priest! Except me, I don’t know why but for some reason I just didn’t like him, and later on I’d find out why. I was new to Wiccan and Paganism in general (still am only 2.5-3 years under my belt is all). I was still trying to like my religion that my parents wanted me to have and by parents I mean my father, my mom, who is a Lutheran, could have cared less if I had a religion at all, Goddess bless her for that!!! I was at confession with the new “wonderful” priest telling him my “sins” and he chewed me out and was very rude to me!! Now normally at my church it went like this bless me father I have “sinned” ….bla bla bla you tell him your sins, he says, “and for your penance, say # Our Fathers, # Hail Marys, God bless you, go in peace. Not this priest, oh no, it was butt chewing and you need to be more Christ like and other dumb comments. My “sins” weren’t even that bad , things like I’ve lied to my parents (don’t we all when we’re a teen?) I haven’t been the nicest to my friends (typical high school drama, ya know?) and maybe something like I ate meat on a Friday of lent. I thought if I’m suppose to be coming to you and God who is all loving, for forgiveness why is his messenger a “man of God” being so rude and not so forgiving.
The time that I was at church with my mom who rarely went, she’s not much of a church goer either. By the time that I had this one, however, I was already considering my self a Wiccan. This one completely changed my view of my religion and made me lose all hope and faith in my birthed religion. This new priest was giving a sermon around the time of the Summer Solstice I believe it was. His lecture was about the comparison between Paganism and Christianity and not how much they are alike but about how much better Christianity is then Paganism and why its better to be a Christian then a Pagan. He didn’t even get most of what he was talking about right!! That was the part that really got me mad.
I remember thinking that this guy has read too much Greek “mythology.” He preached to the church body that its better to be a Christian then a Pagan because the Christian God loves us and reveals himself to us in many ways. The Pagan Gods only reveal themselves to us when they want to come down out of the sky to wreak havoc on us, or to throw lightning bolts at us. Now honestly when was the last time one of your Gods/Goddesses came down from the sky to reveal themselves to you just to throw a lightning bolt at you? Probably never. Then he would say, “Now aren’t you glade your not a Pagan?” We Christians get dressed up in nice clothes to go sit in a nice beautiful protected from the elements church building, the Pagans get dressed up in animal skins put antlers on their heads and go outside and talk/pray to trees and rocks, now aren’t you glade your not a Pagan?” Ok maybe some of us do that but when I go do something spiritual I just normally wear my everyday street clothes, maybe that makes me less of a Pagan then the antler wearers but I don’t care and not all of us do that. His statement about us dressing a bit weird for our ceremonies made me think.
It made me think, “Ok bud, what about you? Why do you dress like you do when you go give a sermon? Why can’t you wear your street clothing? How is dressing like that have to do anything with your religion? Our antler animal skin wearing can actually have something to do with our religion. Maybe we’re dressed like that to help us be more like that animal since we’re a nature based religion and animals are a big part of nature and there for out religion. And what about the Pope? Why does he dress like that? How does that bring him closer to his religion? It probably doesn’t, that’s how. We wear what we wear for our ritual because it helps us connect to our religion. Then he went on to talk about how we go to Stonehenge to go and pray/talk to these massive rocks and other imaginary Gods, but oh the Christians go to church to pray to a real living God now aren’t we glade we’re not a Pagan?
I am a Pagan. I’m glad that I am a Pagan I love my religion. Why? After I wrote all that? Well, I am not going to go in to much detail. I’ll save that for a later article. In short, I don’t have to get dressed up, go outside and, if it’s wet, get my good dress clothes wet and dirty. I can just wear my PJ’s, stay in, and have a nice relaxing quiet ritual and commune with the Gods/Goddesses that way. Best part about that is they will still love me whether I worship them in my house or “their” house. If I do choose to go outside to have a ritual I can wear weather appropriate clothing, where as what it’s like outside and what it’s like in the church may vary quiet a lot, hot outside cold in the church. I love Paganism because I can wear funny clothing if I choose antlers and all!
My Gods/Goddesses that I choose to worship have revealed themselves and helped me out in my worst times more then I can count!! I can’t count how many times they have revealed themselves to me, just so they could hit me with a lighting bolt because they have never done that, not even once so there are no times to count. Far as talking to trees/rocks, well maybe we should all learn to talk to our Earth and not only talk to them but listen to what nature has to say back. Maybe if we all did commune with rocks/trees maybe we could learn something from our great mother, Mother Earth.
I am Pagan and I am glad that I am too!
Blesses Be to everyone Christian, Muslim, Jew, all the other religions in the world, and yes even to those of us who pray to evil Gods who only visit us when they want to hit us with lightning bolts.