Blessings to all my friends.
I have a problem with the reality of others in which I just don't know how to deal with. It seems that I must accept the realities of others that I'm everything that a good society cannot abide to live or just an object to be used and abused.
I'm now finding that the only time that anyone wants to have anything to do with me is when they need something, ie: When their ego is that low they try to boost it by doing things to make me feel bad; or borrow something, that I'm then made to feel bad when I have to chase to get it back. I had it all; windups, piss taking, lies and betrayal. Each time I'm made to feel that it's " I " that has done wrong, not them.
My neighbor is not speaking to me at the moment as during the last week she came bounding in to my home like a child that has seen a new toy that they must have. It had come to pass that another neighbor was selling his 50 inch flat screen tv for a £100 and she wanted me to buy it for her and out of the goodness of her heart she would then give me her own 30 inch tv; I laughed, and said that I did not need a tv and could not find £100 If tried!
All my money Is now going towards buying calor gas bottles to help me keep warm through the coming winter. She left as child when a favorite toy had been taken away. This is a person that last year I had to help out with heating as she had no money for gas and has been threatened with being cut off again this year. People don't make any sense to me anymore!
I'm so tired of being told that my thinking is wrong; that I should not be so judgmental of others; but all my life it has been others judging me as inferior to them and that they can do what they like with me.
I never treat people as doormats so why should I let them treat me as one?
I know to some this is such a negative post but when have you stopped and taken a moment to really think of how you treat others. "Oh it's ok, I know Joe/Joy will always help me out of a mess. Or I know that Joe/Joy will understand." Taking people for granted does not show any respect for them or yourself. It actually show that you are in stagnation and are not growing on any level.
It's the same when you make someone feel small or stupid just to boost your ego. Are you better than them if you have to prove it by making them feel dumb?
Until people understand that happiness is not in the material or in Intellectual or physical prowess; It Is a state of mind that comes from love and compassion of all things.
But what the bleep do I know as I'm always wrong in whatever I think!
Have a good Samhain and don't let the ghouls bite.
Bright blessings to all