My name is Tempest Wolfwalker, I’m a 23-year-old being living in Colorado, and I’ve been Pagan officially for three years, though I've been studying the faith for nine or ten.
Welcome to my mirror blog. My original blog is on Livejournal, under the username tempywolfwalker. Think about this as a sort of online Book of Shadows where I’ll record spells I write and any interesting Magickal information I stumble across.
I live in the very conservative state of Colorado. Churches on every corner, Christian organizations everywhere, the whole nine yards. Seems if you aren’t Christian out here, though, you’re Pagan. So there are a lot of us around. We’re just quiet.
I was born and adopted in New Jersey, though we moved to Colorado not long after. My parents were non-Evangelical Christians, and raised me to be the same. We were a traditional family. My mom stayed at home and raised me; my father worked for a non-profit Christian publishing company. I remember accepting Jesus Christ into my heart when I was around four. I remember the distinct feeling of being pressured into doing it to please my parents. I strived very hard to be a ‘good’ Christian, but I never really felt what other Christians said they felt: the presence of God, a connection with a Higher Power, true and perfect love.
But I tried. I always believed in spirits and powers beyond what we typically perceive. But I never felt ‘right’ with Christianity. However, studying other religions was forbidden in our house, lest we believe the Devil-Speak. My parents attempted to shelter me through the world. I was home-schooled (which didn’t do wonders for my education because everything was ‘Christianized’), and I was at Church every Saturday night. We went to one of those massive Churches that had multiple services on multiple days.
I was taught views that I found contradictory. I was taught of an all-loving, always present, all peaceful, hateful, jealous, genocidal God. ‘Witchcraft’ was evil, all of it. ‘Witches’ danced with the Devil. All other ‘gods’ were Satan in disguise.
My view of the Path I was on was worsened when one of our Church’s pastors convinced me I was eternally damned and going to Hell. Still, I actively tried to redeem myself, ‘accepting’ Christ into my heart multiple time, memorizing passages in the Bible, volunteering at my Church, all trying to win back God’s love.
When I was 13 or 14, I began to actively pull away from Christianity. I read about other religions and sought other paths. And none appealed to me like Paganism did. The first branch I studied was eclectic Wicca, and I couldn’t stop reading about it. I read online, looked up things on the web, and even formed a pagan study group with some of my friends at school. It felt real to me. It gave me a connection with others and with the world around me. Around this time, I was also coming out as gay, so it was also a Path of acceptance for me. I loved it.
My parents did not.
My father put blocks on our internet so I couldn’t access any information, and when my mother went through my stuff, found out about my Pagan group, and alerted our school, they did the same. And accused us of animal sacrifice. Cuz we were Devil Worshippers, don’t ya know? For a while there, Paganism became a rebellion thing for me, though my studies were put on hold until I was 18. It was then that I moved out of my parent’s house, and married another Witch.
At that point, I had lost some of my enthusiasm for Paganism, but I still believed it on a basic level. I picked up information from my partner, but I bounced back and forth between saying I was a Christian and I was a Pagan. Part of it was I never really completely ditched Christianity in my heart, and part of it was that I was terrified I was going to Hell (thank you childhood brainwashing!). Part of it may have been that the path my partner followed was very dark and vengeful, and I didn’t like that.
When I was 19, I moved away from my home town and my family and friends to a different state. While there, I survived a very traumatic experience. I became incredibly sick, spiritually and mentally.
And in my sickness, I began to spend more time studying religions. And once again, Paganism called me back. This time, I took to it much more firmly. It was my light in the darkness. It provided me with peace. I read about the theories of Magick and I realized that this was a religion that made sense to me.
I eventually moved back to my old town and managed to get back on my feet. I changed a lot that year. I divorced my partner and I became dedicated to my faith. I studied, I cast spells, I meditated. Both my older brothers and my little sister are Witches, so I learned from them. My eldest brother invited me into his Circle, and later I joined a larger Circle with my second-oldest brother and little sister, their mates (as in boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, you get it), and some of our mutual friends that we call the Pack.
Eventually, our Pack experienced a schism, and I branched off with my little sister and her mate. That was a very stressful time for all of us, and because of the damage our relationships sustained during that time, our Coven rarely meets to practice anymore.
Still, Paganism, and my relationship with my Patron God and Spirit Animals, has been my rock through all the recent hard times in my life. My faith and trust in the plan the gods have for us keeps me calm. As I said, things in my life have been incredibly difficult lately. My relationship with the majority of my family is in turmoil. I no longer have the support of a Pack. I’m struggling financially, and trying to take care of myself and my family. Over the past year, I’ve lost my home, my job, some of my loved ones, the majority of my pets, my freedom, and, at times, my sanity.
Through it all, though, I have come through. And a large part of what my experiences have taught me is to trust in the plan of the Mighty Ones, and to follow my own Will as best I know how. The love I experience through practicing Paganism brings me peace… The belief that there is something out there greater than me brings me hope… The connection I have when I practice Magick brings me joy…
So I think it’s safe to say that, despite a shaky start, I plan on sticking to this Path for quite a while. I follow my own tradition, taking my information from multiple religions (including Christianity, Judaism, and Islam). I would consider myself in between the point of a Novice and a Journeyer. I can practice alone or with other people. I meditate once a day, I study when I can; all of it brings me joy.
And I guess that’s all, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me online! I’m always looking to network with other Pagans!
Comments are closed for this blog post