'Physician,Heal Thyself".....

            It sucks not having medical insurance and having what must be an old sports/dance injury...

         I do not want to and will not,be a drain on my family...but I have this ankle pain,and it occurs to me that if I were already Miss Rich Pop Star I'd be IN a doctor's chair already,getting poked,prodded,examined,Xrayed and goddessonlyknowswhat.

I've been dealing with it.....but lately when I am walking,sometimes I get a sharp pain in the ankle socket I think,and stops me dead in my tracks,and I sometimes liken it to grinding brakes.......(I am obviously no medical professional...methinks a copy of Grey's Anatomy or such books is in my future;-)

This brings up issues of identity......career....how I label myself and questions of,can I still call myself a DANCER when my body is not cooperating.

My family are not entertainment industry folk and they don't understand.....and I don't feel it's right to stress out my Mother about it,she already has heart disease and I had been spending quite some time nursing her back to health after her hospitalisation and all that stuff.

I used to harbor resentments at certain clubs that never offered me gigs,and instead they employ early twentysomethings who are both ballerinas and Kindergarten teachers.....(as if it is THEY who should be asking ME,and it must sound arrogant but I swear I don't intend it to be that way at all).....

I used to have this nagging fear that,anytime I shedule an audition (which seem to be either last minute OR many months in advance),how will I know if my ankle will be fine that day or if it will suddenly do that twisty thing,that shooting pain with a foreward step thing...

I know I had old injuries from for intance,doing stage splits and going out of my way to NOT fall backwards into the audience....and the many times I slipped losing my balance and "disguised" what I was doing to not look klutzy....those "I intended to do that",move...

Then there was the time I was running to help push a friend's car to "turn it over" (the engine),and I was wearing SNEAKERS and I ran into a pothole...that was fun......

So now I fear for the future of my dreams,and I might need to treat it myself but what if I "need" a joint replacement.....I'm no Steven Tyler......and can I justify the economics as an investment in a body that will not last forever anyway......