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All Beliefs are Welcome Here!

So, a brief introduction to what makes me... me… would suffice. I was drawn to Wicca when I was 13/14 years old and didn’t so much *practice* it because I could not… harmonize with it, but I meddled with it through most of high school. In total, approximately four years. There was something good with it (that agreed with my nature) but something else kept my potential out of reach. I never realized what it was.

For 21 years, my family had me believing I was German and slightly Irish (25%). Turns out, it’s reversed (75% Irish). Needless to say, I was pissed but it answers a lot of questions. I wasn’t ashamed, but I was very disappointed and unsatisfied with the idea that I was German. It didn’t fuse with me well.

So here I am, 24, out of college (FINALLY) and on to get my happiness back. All I wanted to be, throughout my life, and since childhood…. was happy and healthy. I’m practically neither. Well, I’m Happy, but a little lost. Does that make sense? Anyway, I compiled some bullet points to order my involvement in this PaganSpace I found.

Specifics I follow/Study/Practice:
Irish-Celtic
Druid
Christian (to a point, and I’d be happy to discuss this if you‘re confused)

Things I find Fascinating:
Celtic Zodiac
Druid Tarot

What I feel:
Animal Guiding Spirits
-especially with birds of prey, speaking for myself

My interests:
Ogham
Irish-Gaelic language

My goals:
Better understand my undeniable and sometimes overwhelming connection with the Moon
Need to discover my connection with panthers and tigers. I’m ignorant to WHY, but I know we understand each other, sometimes (for lack of a better word) talk.

What I’m either spooked by or just don’t feel a calling for, yet wish I better understood:
Shamans
Mystics
Ovates
Shrines/Altars in the home

What I hope to build in my life in addition to this intellectual/spiritual study:
1: Find or make my own natural beauty products - I hate drugs and chemicals
2: For my entire childhood, I was outside all the time. All of a sudden, I hit college. I forget about my religious and spiritual practices because I’m buried in textbooks, I stop cooking because I lack time because I’m buried in textbooks, I neglect my natural athleticism and stop working out because I was so tired because I was always buried in textbooks. I newly developed allergies. Like - WHAT?! I can’t be allergic to the OUTDOORS. I AM one with the outdoors. So, I think college tried to kill me. I want to get my family back (plants, animals, breeze…) and I refuse to buy pharmaceutically developed and altered drugs. However (aka in the meantime), I can’t breathe or see sometimes when I’m outdoors. I want to remedy this, permanently and naturally.
3: I mentioned I’m in love with the moon. I cry every time I see him now, because I feel distanced. I want to end the hurt.
4: I don’t sing everyday as I used to. In fact, I Hardly Do It At All. Damn you, college. I’m miserable now because I’m lost. I didn’t go to college to find myself. College ruined my life. I want it back, and stronger.
5: I hope to build a social circle with people I can, oh, I don’t know… TALK TO and not feel like I’ve lost my mind.
6: I love Halloween. I can’t exaggerate that. If I can finally celebrate it as were its intentions, I think I’ll feel better/happier and more complete. I can’t do this alone, though. I need some friends. Friends who can understand this path and bond with nature, the elements, and spirits.

Screw proofreading. This is Raw. Grammatically incorrect, poorly constructed, and ignorant (childish) at times. And I won’t apologize.
Thanks for reading. Slán go fóill.

Views: 54

Comment by Marcin on September 28, 2010 at 12:14pm
I find it very interesting to read. I understand - I guess - your feeling of being... lost. But the thing I find the most curious about your story is that you know your land and culture of origin and you have the opportunity to practice paths which are connected with them: druidism, the celtic Irish Gaelic language, celtic zodiac, celtic "runes" (they're not actually "runes", right? i'm not quite knowledgeable in anything celtic, really)... What I mean is that I don't know my origin exactly (I live in the eastern part of Poland so I'm Slavic: probably partly Polish, partly Belorussian and partly Ukrainian - there was a lot of historic turmoil that you probably don't want to read about). What's worse, very little is known about Slavic mythology (demonology is better developed) as the early christianization was really violent here. You see: with the Norse mythology, you have the Edda, poems about gods and their adventures. But with Slavic myths, these need to be reconstructed by ethnologist, based on some christianized fairy tales and stories. There are always at least two hypotheses on what my ancestors actually believed. There *are* a couple of neopagan (rodzimowiercze - motherland-faith) communities, but neopaganism is nearly non-existent, compared to the situation of Celtic or Norse pagans.
Comment by Cordelia (Cordy) McConnell on September 28, 2010 at 12:52pm
First off, you're a doll for reading all that. I never expected anyone to read that thing, however you were (and are) more than welcome to.

There's all this "Revivalist" crap out there for Celtic Druidism. Thing is, there is no true Celtic history anymore because the Romans burned all of it, or lied in their reports to the general or Emperor, making them (the Druids) out to be terrorists of some sorts. I hate to be so cruel, but all we have are educated guesses. Too much of the original origins/heritage of Druidry of any culture were passed down orally.

You can find a lot of crazies in the "neo-pagan" genre of things here. "History" and "truth" are subjective opinion.

I.... love.... to read Norse mythology. :)

I didn't look too much in Slavic because, true, there is so little of it. I wish you luck with all that you do to find the "home" inside.....
My parents don't care to look into their roots. My grandparents are gone, so I can't ask them about family history. I can't work on auto-pilot here. Unfortunately, I need to start from scratch and get my hands dirty.
Comment by michael miller on November 24, 2010 at 4:21pm
Hey! You! I'm Mud Blood Too! But I'm Native American And German. I've felt Lost alot in my life and can understand a lot of what you are feeling... I'm a light worker now and after I started working in my meditation the light and asking from the Asendent Master, Guides,My Spirit Totems,and The Great Spirit for help and to help me to get it touch with my "I Am Present " did that lost feeling go away. I don't know if you meditate or not? but if you would like to know more I could save you alot of years of confussion about it and keep you from most of the B-S that goes along with it. I've done Gung-Fu And the healing arts for over 30 yrs. now, so I guess that I can say alittle bit about it and if you try it and don't like what your getting from it you won't be doing it long anyways. But I can tell you from trying it in all the wrong ways and with all the wrong attitudes its a long long road to the I Am! That I Am! Presents that we all long for.So... You..Be Good To You.. Love Much...Play Fair...and most of all...Have Fun!! and untill next time... "Much Love!!" " Michael "
Comment by Cordelia (Cordy) McConnell on November 24, 2010 at 4:31pm
I used to meditate - and not often. Regularly, but not often :(
What I seem to be drawn to now is a series of stretching that gets me closer to a meditative state that meditating did. I work out a lot, and before I do, I stretch for about an hour/hour fifteen. My trainer says it looks a bit like yoga, but I've tried yoga before and I hate it.
I noticed that I'm more connected with my body when I USE it (like when I stretch or dance) than when I'm sitting calmly.
Comment by michael miller on November 24, 2010 at 7:11pm
That seems to be working for you at that level and I'm not trying to take anything away from you and one of the best things that I see is that you are getting in touch with yourself. That's what we do in meditation anyway...relax and breath and to keep returning to the present moment experiencing our I am-ness and I think that's what I'm hearing you say? I know what its like working out 6 hrs. a day 6 days a week for years and that was only the time I put in for the body part of it...with all the getting ready and doing what ever it took so I could be able to do that...work and life and all can be hand full. The thing I was responding to was how you said you felt lost at times and was'nt sure or was kind of mixed up at times? If that is'nt what you was saying let me know? Because I've never been all that good at communicating anyway!! But I still try! I'm trying to understand how you feel when you are stretching and relate it to meditation and thats what you want to do in your meditation state is to relax and be in the moment... experiencing the here and now and returning to our true self or natural self... The " I am-ness " and I do'nt think it matters to much how we get there as long as we do! That's were we can start to do our spritual work at... get the help we need... feel apart of the whole and so much more!! Be good to you!!! Michael
Comment by Cordelia (Cordy) McConnell on November 26, 2010 at 12:35pm
I was really lost in college because I was pulled from nearly everything that made me happy and healthy. It's been a few months now and I'm back in the groove of things:
I don't go out of my way to exercise most of the week because it's my job - I teach ballroom and pole fitness. So instead of going to work and then working out, I can do both simultaneously. I love two-for-one deals ::laughs::
I'm no longer in choir and I miss music SO badly. I haven't been in orchestra since grade school and my friends sometimes came together during summers to jam a bit - but that stopped three years ago.
I'm eating better now (because I have more time to cook balanced, healthy foods) so I'm fine in that category.
I have no one in my area to talk to about my beliefs, concerns, or spiritual paths. Furthermore, I grew up in a country setting and now I'm living in a small city. I feel a bit disconnected to animals and naked earth.
There are no belly dancing groups around my area (to my knowledge). I was taught ballet as a girl while my mom paid for lessons, but when I was in high school, I met a "gypsy" woman (for lack of a better term) and she discussed tribal dances with me monthly. She passed a handful of years ago and I haven't met anyone with that particular interest since.

My main concern now is that I'll get started with diving into literature for druidry and it consumes my next few weeks..... and then I'll just drop it for months at a time. I think I get frustrated because I have no mentor. Not even a fellow follower to talk to. I soak all this information up and I can't dissect it into proper mental categories because I might be a little ignorant to some bits or possibly large parts of the picture I'm painting.
Lastly, before I kill my rant, I realized I'm good at releasing energy via dance and cognitive exercises but how can I KEEP some energy I might not need (or want, I don't know yet) to release and creatively re-shape it into a less raw and somehow else useful energy....

Hope some of that makes sense.
Comment by Cordelia (Cordy) McConnell on December 22, 2010 at 2:28pm

I don't truly blame anyone (I know, such a bad American) and all I ever strive for is my happiness. I highly value education. I simply have little respect for the modern, formal, higher-education system in America.

I'm always educating myself. I'm taking culinary classes in February and I'm completing my fitness trainer certification in the same month.

Hmm, love. I had my ass handed to me these past years because I either loved too much or loved the wrong people. Even so, I always love myself.

Laugh? I'm always laughing at myself, but apparently I have an unusual sense of humor so it's a bit more difficult to laugh with others.

Thank you SO MUCH for reading my rambles. I appreciate the comment. Love and Blessings, Cordy.

Comment by Ckott Bina on January 19, 2011 at 10:32pm
wheres girls like this in Texas?
Comment by Cordelia (Cordy) McConnell on February 12, 2011 at 10:25am
I go to Dallas every year :P
Comment by Lela Odell on March 9, 2011 at 1:55pm

i know how you feel about alot of what your points are exactly, about the calling when you were a teen and then feeling disconnected and not good enough or potentially unfit to perfom how i feel or express and create the creative urges of spirituality of the one i discovered and saw other ppl talking about. not that i ment to feel that way but blocked by others walls around me and the desperate reach of nature and creative spiritualty expression and happieness for years struggling of the questions noone wants to help you learn as a young alone middle beginner not lucky to have any one to help guide you as children who have parents who teach them or friends or anyone, having to start out on the path alone and scared and dark, to make my hearts desires to make a new life for me and possibly my own family in the future, which is hard as it is in this world, but still more worth believing in myself and becoming more than what others dont know or cherish and i do, its more important than what others think or believe or understand, but wanting that at the same time believing there will be others and i will make perminance of it and it will be my own adventure and dreams come true!

 

i spent most of my time in my parents garden and outside than anything, with nature, i wanted to be a dancer first as my first wish, but was plagued by a genetic disease early at age 14 of a bunion on one foot, now its going to the other, had surgery but had bad pain for years just having the wrong shoes, now i am a little better and tryn to figure out how ti fix it. i love belly dance and dream of being one, i took one class and it was too hard for my feet. i love to sing also but i took the depo shot and now my throat is messed up i can sing just not that much or good all the time. it hurts all the time. and i am also in college and i cant do much but study and it all breaks my heart. and none knows me or understands how i feel, i am getting my asociate of the arts, and maybe photography but still feel lost, tho i am learning alot i am scared. and i love plants and maybe even do something with them, i am starting to make my own soaps and try to mqake more stuff naturally as i can, so i am going to make it and am happy i am trying it might seem hard but it all seems worth it and wont give up i will keep making all these and more dreams possible. i am so intrigued and happy i got your gift and read your profile. i have more dreams and hopes and fears, we can talk about things ppl dont understand and other things that we seem to have in common. thankyou if you want to be friends i have a face book my last name first- Odell, Lela. i can tell you more about myself and get to know eachother :)

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