This story will be posted in installments for as long as this blog exists. It will be free, but if enough people are interested, it may turn into a book or books. It is fictional with some elements of truth, but as to what or why I am not revealing.
Saturday, June 17, 2017
This is the first entry I have written in quite a while. I am writing because I just woke up and have something on my mind. Last night, while I was dreaming, a terrifying situation unfolded before my eyes. I woke up in a cold hard bed, and when I looked at my body, I noticed that my skin was a chocolate brown. It was bleeding all over, sore, full of bruises. The room was full of beds but nobody was in them, and I slowly shuffled from my bed to the door leading out to the yard, which was down a flight of stairs. The place was dark, no one was in the eerie building, although it was a huge place. I was determined to get somewhere, but I had no idea where I was going, only that I had to go away from this place. Walking was hard, painful, it hurt to breathe. There was an iron wrought fence surrounding the place. Somehow, I found myself outside of it. That was when I looked down and realized I had a flowery light blue nightgown on. There were marks on my skin that looked like rectangular imprints. Something was dragging at my feet, but I didn’t dare look down. My brain was screaming at me to go. But, I didn’t know where I was going. I was very confused. Suddenly I was in a forest, a small, dark forest with skinny, spindly trees, and my face hit the ground. Pain was surrounding me like a wave in the ocean, drowning me in its depth. I started seeing visions, a white woman looking in love at me, me screaming and kicking as hands dragged my body away, the white woman sobbing, needles, bright lights, screams, moans, darkness, tightness all over my body, and an evil disembodied smile. A gentle kiss from a white woman that looked like a nurse, but mostly a pitch-black darkness that enveloped the soul. Anger burned hot, loneliness, abandonment, fear, and the deep feeling of betrayal from people that I thought would care. Emotions wave after wave, and then everything went black. Suddenly I was looking at a vast universe. I don’t think it is the one I’m currently in, it wasn’t our world. The look and feel of it was different. There were still galaxies, stars and planets, but there were things I couldn’t describe at all too. I saw it all fade and burn out before my eyes, and I felt a deep sadness as if I just lost a sense of who I was and all that I was, but that I expected it. Then everything went black and I woke up. The feelings all came rushing back, the terror, abandonment, depression, and great suffering. Then I realized where I was, in a darkened room sleeping next to my sweet but wild red-haired lover. I watched as her body moved slowly and peacefully up and down from her breathing. I took a deep breath; the nightmare was over. And then it all came back, the remembrance of my own past, the same feelings engulfed, this time as I realized my reality, though not as bad, was still full of these feelings. My past, like an ever-present hole that sucked the life out of all that touched it. And I cried, silently, rose from the bed, and here I am at daybreak trying to piece together what just happened. Some say I’m a shapeshifter, able to climb into the skin of others, but, I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe. I just feel stunned. Sitting here in the silence as the deep nothingness eats away at the edges of my reality, as I try to understand. I feel like I know that woman in the dream, I feel like it was real. But I’m a skeptic, I question everything, I know there is an unknown, but sometimes, it’s hard to know what is really going on. I must find the answer, somehow, some way…