Greetings one and all, I am a little discouraged by the fact that I only had 4 people show a interested in reading a second shift. But you four that responded I guess I will assure you a copy of chapter two. I am honored that you have expressed such a interest, Thank you!!
Today is June 22, 2009 and for the most part / most days I am a very happy man. I am so very happy to be free from that terrible bondage I was under. I am working on almost a year of sobriety. August 21st 2009 was the day when I decided enough was enough! I had, prior to August of 2009, a year and a half of sobriety. Mom got to see a sober man. She was so proud! My mom meant the world to me. Today I feel lost. I have been craving alcohol. White Zifindale good wine and perfect for this weather. But no...Never again! It was 6 years this month that I had went to the Mental Health Hospital, I have only been back twice throughout the last 6 years. Now that folks. That is a miracle! No more treatment centers. Sobriety, Blessed Sobriety is at my disposal now.
I was sober when mom had passed away. A year and a half to mark the date.. August 21st 2009 the second long time sobriety I have had. I was a sober man when mom passed on. I relapsed after mom passed on. Today marks 10 months and 3 days of sobriety. Mom's death was horrifying to say the least. The pain she must have endured was awful. I have nightmares all the time. I missed her death by about 5 minutes. Well folk my minutes are leveling off, so I'm going to call it quits and reboot myself. BFN
Good morning my friends. Today is June 23, 2010. I have been up practically all night/morning. So I was talking about what all happened for the last 5 years. Well actually not much! Not much at all. I guess I have mellowed because I couldn't handle the sickness anymore. I really can't describe it here. It would be really improper. Let' just say I was throwing up so bad my bed was covered in vomit. Not to mention all the other bodily functions that were out of wack. I just had met my match and now it was time for my match to go. I tried drinking many times in the last 5 years to drink again, like the madman I had became. No, the mot I stayed drunk was about 2 weeks then it was time to stop for 3-4 week, then those weeks turned into a month and then now... Almost a year. Feels so dang good. Not to say life Is perfect, far from it. But I have hope today.. And I did it without AA, without Church, without a Higher Power..though on that note.. Maybe I did have a HIgher Power because it certainly wasn't done by me....
Wasn't done by AA though.. Nor the church.. A Higher Power or Powers as the case is to be...Yes, I really think so.
My drinking did have a couple of funny moments, most of the incidents happened last Summer. I used to have one of those electric wheelchairs (Hove-around) and I depended on it to go everywhere I went. Well one night I was totally smashed and was in a blackout drunk. One of my neighbors had just pulled up in the parking lot and was backing his truck into his spot as I was going down the sidewalk..the &#@$%Y(*( almost hit me and I let him know even though he's twice my size then proceeded on down to a group of neighbors...all sitting outside. Well here's the catch (the funny part) I didn't have any clothes on... No undies no nothing..... ROFLMAO!!!!! They told me the horrors the next morning of how I laughed and laughed when I realized I was naked.. Waving my hands all around, just having a roll of a good time.
That was funny until about noon. That's when the landlady came and wrote me up for disturbing the peace. Geeesh. Another incident..the same week, not quite as funny was when I called Dominoes Pizza and had them deliver a pizza.. I found out the next morning I had answered the door nude.. All right I confess I'm a nudist. The lady evidently didn't like what she saw and complained to the manager.. Thankfully, I didn't get wrote up. I have never called Dominoes to see if they will still deliver to me... Probably not!!! LOL.
Even my worst days sober are better than 1 day of drinking now though. I started going to church back in 2004 and that helped to get out more socially. But that's all it was... Just a place to go and make some friends.. I made one real friend and that was Jodi.. A lady herself hooked on "ICE". But since I have given my life over the "Craft" .... To "WICCA" she stays far away from me.. Yes dear reader.. I am a Witch... At the end of this email (coming really soon) I will send you a full-Moon ritual. It gives you all my emotions, everything!
I really can't think of anything else to add dear reader! One thing I will add again I my personal invitation to get help for you or a loved one. The importance of being checked regularly for STD's if you are sexually active. Epecially for young people. But Praise to the Goddess, all is well today.
Midnight January 16, 2010 HAPPY NEW YEAR
(Prior to Midnight Pre-ritual) A night charged with electricity and power...Intense energy The Ritual unseen yet, has started, Hecate and Anubis await... I am in a four way conference online with some non-pagan friends pressed for time... But I feel the intense heat in the air. Finally we say our goodbyes. It is twenty til midnight. I have the bath already drawn and take my (although rushed) ritual bath with incense and candles aglow.I invite the "spirits". Afterwords, I rush to the Altar....(The rushing stops and the clock stikes midnight) I perform the ritual skyclad...
(The Rutual has Began) I light the incense, I have chosen "Dragon's Blood" and light the white candles. I cast my circle...I have had to substitute a few items for my chosen tools, for my Atheme I consecrated a plain pocket-knife, for my wand I used a branch off of my huge "rubber tree'. I cast my circle and invoke the Goddess and God....
As I stand, arms raised in a "V" I ring my bell and say to the Goddess:
Queen of the Underworld
Protector of all Wicca
It is my will on the night of the New Moon
To overcome my Shadows
And bring about change
I invite You to my Circle
To assist me and protect me in my Rite....
With my arms crossed, holding my Atheme I say to the God:
God of Protection
It is my will on this night of the New Moon
To overcome my Shadows
To bring about change
I invite you to my circle
To assist me and protect me in my Rite..
I make my statement of intent: I hereby offer my life to Thee to use me for Your Glorious purpose, To make me a WITCH.. To free me from the Slavery of Nicotene. To free me from the oppression of recently departed Loved Ones...(My mother who died in May and my best-friend who died in August 2009.)
Dark is the Night as I reach this turning point
Here is a time of death, yet a time of rebirth
Endings & Blessings
Ebbings & Flowings
A journey done and a journey yet to come
As the wheel turns, I see birth, death and rebirth
And I know that every end is a beginning
I meditate on painful regrets and memories, I fall to the floor, curling up into a fetal position. Pain and darkness everywhere.
Then I arise....the Magic-Rite has worked. I am REBORN...I am a WITCH.....The energy crackles and pops in the air. It is MAGIC. No more painful memories of lost ones, they have moved on. No more intense cravings for Nicotene. I am free I am a WITCH.
I thank HECATE and ANUBUS and feel the Power healing and protecting me and I say:
In Darkness there is Light!
I feel energy and life returning to me!
I feel my heartbeat strong
I feel the Power of the Universe
The Power of the Goddess and God within
I say my final chant:
Let the Light cast out all Darkness
I close my Circle....It is done.....
I am a new Witch and I give Praise to HECATE and ANUBUS...
It was so very exciting for me..I feel as though I am made whole, I belong now, for the first time in my life. I just wanted to share my "NEW BEGINNING"
Love and Light
So all that was written in 2009. A lot has happened since then to say the least. I had relapsed many times and have not been sober very long. I am fearful of when I get paid next Tuesday..Will I be strong enough to stay away from the drink? I certainly hope so. You have read my life story. It has blessed me to share.. I have many many more tales to tell. As you know I started a new one yesterday. I hope it captivates and interests you. Today, life is somewhat better. Friends make it manageable, even if they are online. I am tired today and will soon meditate.
I had a very interesting visit while I meditated last night. My dear mom paid me a visit and sat next to me and told me she was ok and that I was going top be ok.. It was all so very real and powerful. I didn't realize I had the power to invoke the spirits..but indeed I do. The stories go on..
Have a super duper weekend and be happy and well for Emerald