How sad is it that I've dedicated myself to paganism for the last several years, but never really "knew" who and what I believed in...until just recently. I always felt as if I was someplace other than "home" spiritually. Then...
I guess you could say that I was having a mid-life crisis, my birthday was rapidly approaching and I was about to turn 47 years old. Married, children, pets, the usual...but...I'm also a college student and recently unemployed. Well...I bucked up and went to visit my spiritual adviser. She was, as is the norm, amazingly insightful and had much to share with me.
I'll spare you the details, but just know that I really needed to spend some time with my "angels", or more so, listening to them.
Then it happened...the epiphany! My path became clear. I was to follow the Greenman. Or should I say, continue to follow him. I started to remember my youth...
As a child, I lived in a house with a large tree filled yard that had a playhouse my grandfather had built for me to play in. Reflecting, I realized that I rarely, if at all played in the playhouse. My pretend home was always amongst the trees! I had it all planned...multiple rooms, even fireplace. :) I would also set up my dolls and toys under the giant forsythia bush in my yard as if it were my cave or small cottage.
Living in Michigan, we were right down the street from the Lake St. Clair. Our town had a city pool, but you'd find me in the Lake more than the pool...or in my cousin's creek back behind her house.
And when I would be upset over something or someone, I'd ride my bike a few blocks away to the local Catholic church. I wouldn't go in, though, I'd always sit outside, by the statue of St. Gertrude, under the trees and speak aloud to the powers that be.
Things were starting to make sense to me now! My family also owned horses. When we would go to the barn, I'd saddle my horse and ride off into the woods. I even had a special place there amongst the trees as well. Sometimes I'd pack a snack and a book and spend my afternoon reading there...with my horse. It was my haven...and it was magical to me.
The older I got, the less time I was able to spend outside. Life has a way of distracting us sometimes...but when the opportunity arose, nature would call me. I knew that now.
Finally, as an adult...I recalled a trip my husband, my girls and I made to Chimayo, New Mexico. To an old Spanish church. It was beautiful...had an amazing architecture...but...that's not what peaked my attention. Outside of the church, behind it and down a small hill, there was another church of sorts. It was entirely outdoors - no roof other than the trees that surrounded it. The altar and the seats were made of natural stone, the "walls" were the trees and large stones. It was adorned with nothing but nature. It was perfect. My husband I had who had only been married a month or so at the time, stood there at the altar and renewed our vows to each-other in the presence of no one other than the cosmos.
Lastly...to my family, it's common knowledge that I'm a sucker for animals. They find me, these animals. I cannot begin to tell you the number of animals I've rescued for one reason or another...birds, turtles, fish, cats, dogs, raccoons, rabbits, squirrels, snakes, moles, bumble-bee's, toads....yep.
My entire life has been intertwined with nature starting from birth. Without knowing it...until my epiphany...I was following the path of the Greenman the whole time.
I finally found my "home".