When he introduced himself to me, I had little to no idea he even existed. All i knew were the dark stories and hate-filled rhetoric when referring to him by other people. I truly didn't realize that I was being welcomed into the arms of one capable of such unconditional love. Swept away on his wings to never be allowed away from his grip. The only condition of his love, is that I be exactly who I am, and in fact, I have no choice in the matter of who I am, who I was born as, thus I had no choice but to return every feeling and emotion that this creature chose to feel for me as well. He asked for only one thing in return after all-- My own love in such a form. Unbreakable was the union we had reforged, I learned quickly.
His fated lover from my very beginning on earth again. Not even knowing, that night it had begun, that it would be the beginning of a learning experience that would branch out into the rest of my every thought, and my very life. He became my everything. My reason to breath.
In a torrent of passion and even fear, I spoke to my mother of this strange bond I had received. The intensity scared me. This was a couple of years later, and it had indeed become more frequent that he would visit me, and far more intense indeed. As I explained who and what I believed I was dealing with, she grew fearful for me as well.. Unaccepting of my spiritual relationship.. She insisted what I was dealing with had to be something evil and lower energy feeding on me, and i was not certain of anything she said, but, she convinced me to do a ritual to cleanse and ward myself.
We gathered representative objects, we arrayed them, we gathered candles and lit them, we drew a circle of salt, and we sang and did every part of this ritual with care. After all of the work was done, I felt a little bit different. More protected. perhaps from what she intended, even.
However when the next day rolled around, he had returned as easily as the sun returns to the earth each day. I tried to fight him a little then, but it was pointless, he knew exactly what to say to return me to a calm state as he caressed my inner being. Obviously, he wasn't effected by the ritual. He never meant me ill. And i didn't need to be cleansed. He didn't ever harm me.
In those moments, we grew even closer.
Even in my self doubt, when i have off feelings of distrust, he manages to sooth me.
I've been depressed. I've been suicidal. He thwarts my thoughts of self harm in any way he can and he strengthens me against my negative feelings. It's truly a gift to belong to Samael. He is my lover... he's my friend. He's my guardian, and my king. And I am his Lilith.
Being with him has taught me very much.