Walking Away with Dignity

I find that the time has come where I need to evaluate my personal choices. What does that mean? It means that I must accept that this time, I must walk the other way. I will do this with dignity and with my pride intact.

I've tried to right a wrong that was done to me. Instead of being met with maturity and perhaps some kind hearted people (thankfully, my true friends are in this category), it has time and time again - proved to be a waste of time. I've only recently come back, only to find that I don't feel like I used to. No longer do I feel like I am a part of the PS family. In fact, I feel more like an outsider. I own my feelings, so this is my own to bear.

Why? There are some who have chosen to take out their anger on me, and I don't know why. I've not done anything to anyone that would indicate that I deserve it. I don't deserve it. Yet, it continues to happen, and I choose not to deal with it any longer. I can take opinions and respect that others may feel differently about a topic. I don't need everyone to agree with me, but I do believe I should be treated with respect. I do not need to be made fun of...so it stops now.

I have been going through all my blogs, marking them either viewable by "only me" or "friends only." It will take me much longer, due to the number of blogs that I have written. I'm not going to get into the reasons for this, other than to say, I had to make a choice.

This will be my last "everyone" blog. This makes me sad, because I value and love to share my experiences and reach someone that I don't know. Unfortunately, this is no longer an option. The only way to stop being on the receiving end of another's displaced feelings, is to walk away. To protect myself.

For those who called me "a bitch", "stupid", "ignorant", and others that I won't even bother to post here - you don't know me at all. I have no reason to want to know you either. I've asked that the name callers stop, and it's not stopped. I've asked for respect and help, and have been turned down and cut down even more. So, I am stopping it.

I do wonder...Why do some have to ruin a good thing? Such as, I write a blog, I share it and then all of a sudden it's a field day for those whose only interest is to hurt me. I don't know why. I will never know why and at this point, I don't care. All I care about is ending it.

In prior writings, I have been open about the fact that I will not be a victim. In allowing those to continue to victimize me, I become a victim. I will NOT allow this, it stops here and now. I am very much a SURVIVOR and will always be.

So, I will move on, move forward and go where I am treated with love and respect. I will come here to converse with my friends, but that's it. I will converse in the groups that I have joined. I have a group here that deserves my attention, and I will be here to give the support that I promised. I am behind, so that is my next purpose. I apologize to the members, but please know, I have not forgotten and I will make sure that within the next few days that I will "catch up" with everyone.

So, as is the name of my group "When Life Hurts" - sometimes one must pick up their dignity and walk away. If any of you that I don't know, wish to become a friend, please send me an invite. If anyone wants to be in my group, on this site, please put in a request to join as it is invitation only. I will be loyal to those that I have promised attention, friendship, and a shoulder to cry on if needed.

I guess that's it, I've said all that there is to say. To my real friends, I will always be available and if you need me, just ask. I will be here on PS to help. I appreciate you for your kindness, and for being "real friends."

I will always be here on PS, just in a different way...quieter and more selective. I will be here for my group members, my friends and myself.

I am a survivor and refuse to be a victim - walking away from those situations and people that cause me to feel victimized, is all that's left. It's a sad truth, but it's my reality. I can change my own reality.

Crystal Raven
11/14/09

Tags: chaos, negativity, pride, reality, walking

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Comment by Crystal Raven on November 16, 2009 at 7:17pm: Yesache,

Thank you for your input, as always, I appreciate it. Us survivors must stick together, I believe. I too believe we can change our reality and make it better.

I walk beside you, always too,
Crystal

Comment by Yesache on November 16, 2009 at 12:21am: I understand how you feel, my sister! Yes, you are a survivor! And we can change our own reality!
You are a beautiful person, honest, loyal, and I love you dearly!
As always...I walk beside you!

Comment by Crystal Raven on November 15, 2009 at 6:13pm: Vindviska,

Thank you for the hug - emphasis on gentle. It is something that I need more of. You are on my friend's list and I will write, friends only, and then perhaps in sharing my most recent experiences will enlighten some as to why I felt so disrespected.

Blessings,
Crystal Raven

Comment by Crystal Raven on November 15, 2009 at 6:11pm: Araceli

I too, feel the disappointment from the disrespect. However, I also know and realize that I am not the only one. As you said, there are sporadic snide remarks and insults - and we all deal with these in different ways. Normally, I ignore it, but sometimes, even I reach my limit.

I too believe that Pagan Space has given me FAR MORE good experiences than bad. Just every so often, something really hurts and that, I believe, happens everywhere and most likely to others from time to time also.

For now, yes, my decision makes me happy. I am a person who does re-evaluate situations along this journey called life. Sometimes, we all need to step back, gain our footing once again and then try something new, or return to something with a renewed strength. I am hoping for the latter.

I can either use this experience(s) to learn, change, and improve myself or choose to allow it to be a negative in my life. I dislike negativity to the maximum. I dislike mean-spirited people who lash out at me for no reason.

Life changes, we change, hopefully - we have the insight to grow stronger and then reach out once again. My life has taken another major change and one that I must deal with. It will take time. I am vulnerable and hurting at the moment, which is why I got hurt here so badly as well. While I am not ready now, who knows what the future holds.

I HOPE AND ENCOURAGE ANYONE THAT WISHES TO BECOME A FRIEND BECAUSE YOU LIKE TO READ AND SHARE EXPERIENCES, PLEASE SEND ME INVITES. IT IS FROM ONE ANOTHER THAT WE LEARN IN THIS LIFE. PLUS, THIS WAY, I CAN KEEP MY BLOGS SET TO "FRIENDS ONLY" AND NOT CUT OFF THOSE THAT HAVE AN INTEREST IN MY WRITING.

Love, Blessings and Peace,
Crystal Raven

Comment by Crystal Raven on November 15, 2009 at 5:59pm: My Sister, Lady Cullen,

I know that you DO understand and once I have more strength, I will be writing. It is good for the soul and I feel, and hope, good for others too. Like you, personal issues, I will mark for my friends only. Who knows, I may make some wonderful "new" friends! I already have.

Please get in touch with me any time, you have my email. Don't you? A lot of things have happened since we last spoke. Time has a way of healing, and it will this too.

Love,
Crystal

Comment by Vindviska on November 15, 2009 at 4:48am: Sends a gentlecyber hug...

Comment by Araceli on November 15, 2009 at 1:15am: I'm very disappointed that you feel you've been disrespected.

I had always thought that though there are the sporadic snide remarks and veiled insults; paganspace had been a very good experience for me.

I hope that your choice makes you happy, and Sweet Dreams.

~ Araceli

Comment by Lady Cullen on November 15, 2009 at 12:33am: Sister,
You know I am here for you, and yes, I understand your reasoning. It is sad that others are so self-centered that they take out their anger on someone not deserving of their words. However, they are everywhere, and like you, I tend to mark my most personal blogs, personal or friends only. I have had enough, as have you, of those who mean nothing more than harm, and I choose not to let them harm me. Be you, and should time change how you post, then so be it, but for now, take your strength back, and remember, I am always here for you. I love you, Sister, so very much

Comment by Crystal Raven on November 14, 2009 at 11:15pm: Alan,

Thank you for making me smile - I really needed it!!

We have just been issued a "Flood Warning/Watch" from now until Wednesday. We have had a lot of snowfall and then the temp went up fast. We live on a creek, so I am not at all happy with the news. I might just be "Swimming" instead of "Walking" - I hope not, but our district is the highest risk area at this time. It is only 8:15 my time and we are going to continue to have non-stop and very large amounts of rainfall, which will melt the snow pack and cause flooding. So, I must go and prepare.

Blessings,
Crystal

Comment by AlanHeartsong on November 14, 2009 at 9:51pm: It's similar to a wooden baseball bat, but it has spikes in the end to get the point across to Doodyheads that they're not wanted.