It's been quite some time that I've been around this site. Partially because I had some massive life-changing drama going on last year at this time, which if you really need to know about it, just ask me, but in all honesty I'm trying to steer my life in more positive direction which means no more playing the victim card, which I have found out after intensive therapy, that was what I was doing. Because feeling sorry for oneself often is a crutch to not move forward, but rather dwell on the can'ts vs. can do's.
Anyway, I've been feeling like a lost soul(literally) as I can't seem to figure out what I truly believe in. I question the Christian God and the bible more times than I ought to, so clearly I'm not Christian. I attended church for about 8 months after my "Life Changing Drama" moment and in all honesty it did help me when I listened to the sermons at the church as the pastor spoke. It was as though he was reading my mind with each Sunday's sermon. Is that the Universe talking to me perhaps? Or the Goddess? Or was it just a random chance coincidence that I happened to stumble upon the sermons and their messages each time I decided to walk into the door of that church, grab my blended coffee drink(yes they served coffee....nothing like a room full of Java filled, God Loving Humans...the energy there was indeed intense LOLL) and head for my seat?
I am still am drawn to the magical aspect of the universe. I still find myself chanting "air surround, plants abound, what was lost now make found" when I lose an item I need immediately. (btw, I wonder if anyone knows the book that is in, I read it over 8 years ago and lost it, can't remember the name of the book). I still find myself watching the moon phases, and preparing for when Mercury goes retrograde. I often sit in the tub, bubbles overflowing candles flickering and find myself saying "Goddess please..."
So what does this say about me spiritually?
Who am I?
*laughs to self*
I really don't know what I believe in. My daughter, 7, still asks me about the Goddess. She tells me she believes in Mother Nature(i.e. The Goddess). She believes in fairies. She has tons of stories of fairies, not just Tink and friends, she actually wrote these stories herself, and they are amazing. She asked me one time if I believed in fairies and I said "I'm sure they could be real", she told me they are real. *shrugs* Real or not I refuse to squash her beliefs in anything.
Anyway, I'm sure I'm not the only one around here wondering "who" or "what" we are when it comes to our own spiritual beliefs. Nobody says there is a law that requires one to believe in anything. But I just feel like I'm missing out on something.
And for the record I don't think I need a label to describe my spirituality/path/tradition/sidewalk I chose to follow. So that isn't my issue, not really the who but more the "what" I guess is what I'm dealing with here when it comes to what I believe in.
Curious to hear all sides of this. Wondering how many of you try and find out who you are and what you truly believe in. Whatever it is....God, Goddess, Universal Power, Fairies, Dragons, or anything else...what makes you feel whole or complete? Or do you struggle, as I do, wondering what, if anything, you believe in.
Also, one more thing.
Is it possible that maybe so many of us have been "Programmed to believe" growing up in catholic/christian/other faith homes, that when we don't believe in something/someone or we don't have a "set path" that we feel as though we are missing something, when maybe in fact we really aren't??