When the diet goes off the rails.

I've had some health issues that I'm trying to regulate by adjusting my diet. Nothing radical, or at least not by my standards of radical, more of a selective eating disorder than a true diet. The potato chips, red Twizzlers, tropical Skittles, single malt scotch, home made beer, and ice cold vodka wasn't giving me the nutrition I thought it should have, it may even have contributed to my condition.

At least that's what conventional science would have us believe. Fact is that it's as likely malignant elves with an ax to grind had something to do with it, if I'm going to go with the old French tarot reader who lives down by the river. Doctors, tarot readers, who can you trust? Honestly, when did cheeseburgers and chocolate bars stop being a breakfast food?

So many questions. I took the situation in hand and started my own diet. I researched what fade eating cycles were popular with movie personalities and celebrities that don't do much of anything. Eventually I settled on a series of herbs and spices added to food, but when I found the delivery system was fried chicken, I rethought the whole thing. I switched the chicken out for oatmeal. The cooking method went from pressure cooker fried in oil to boiled in a pot. I added blueberries and cranberries, apples and cinnamon, turmeric, Cayenne pepper, and ginger. No sugar, sugar is bad. I drank only water, and the occasional green tea, nothing added.

In a matter of weeks I'd lost nearly twenty pounds, my arthritis was manageable , and my will to live was nearly completely gone. I wouldn't have believe how important food is to being happy. All the starving people on earth must be miserable. Those photos aren't staged.

Today I couldn't take it anymore. I woke up and brought my pasta machine down from it's high self. I cracked two eggs into two cups of flour, and whipped a tablespoon of olive oil into the well. I made pasta. I ran the pasta into the machine until I had a decent amount of lasagna noodles, then I took out one of my chickens and ground up a couple of chicken breasts. While the meat sauteed I boiled my lasagna noodles and then threw them into an ice bath. Next I lined the bottom of my larges pan with some marinara sauce we whipped up from our garden, then added the noodles. I happened to have both mozzarella and ricotta cheese so I mixed a generous layer, added more noodles, tossed in the ground chicken, added more sauce, more noodles, more cheese, more sauce, another layer, and more sauce. I like my lasagna to cook at a slightly lower temperature, 350F, for a little longer, an hour and ten minutes, then I let it sit on the counter for 45 minutes before serving. Just seems to allow every thing to merge nicely.

It was delicious. Of course there's scads left over, but I'm thinking it's always better the next day anyway, and I can't face another bowl of curried oatmeal.

Later in the day my wife asked me about a drink at Starbucks we used to have; hot chocolate with Carmel sauce and Sea salt.

"I can make that!" I said, feeling super-kitchen powers from my invigoration of lasagna. I happened to have a half cup of heavy creme frozen, all I needed was a cup of molten sugar and half a dozen tablespoons of butter. The Sea salt is something I stock on account of pickling and making sauerkraut, a must have in every country pantry.

I ended up with way too much Carmel sauce, but the stuff will keep in jarred in the fridge for a couple of weeks - and honestly, that drink is so delicious you have to have another one sooner or later.

Life without good food sucks. I'll go back to oatmeal later this week, for now I'm going to enjoy the little things. Lasagna and chocolate, oh baby!